


You Found Me

by myemergence



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Athena Grant Being a Mom, Bed and Breakfast, Bobby Nash Being a Dad, Buddie Big Bang 2020, Christopher is alive, Found Family, Getting Together, Grief, Idiots, Isabel knows all, Life After Loss, M/M, Virgin River inspired me to write this, and Maddie, diner, loss of a child, mentions of child death, small town, so does Athena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24922468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myemergence/pseuds/myemergence
Summary: After a tragic accident nearly two years ago, Evan Buckley uproots his life in Los Angeles and moves to Ferndale, a quaint town in Northern California. With the unexpected connections he makes, especially with the family who runs the local diner, he learns that maybe there can be life after loss.--My entry for the Buddie Big Bang 2020
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 262
Collections: Buddie Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). I am blown away by it!
> 
> This idea came to me while watching Virgin River, and I just couldn’t shake the idea. A huge thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this, I know it wasn’t easy at times xD Thanks [Tabby](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/tabbytabbytabby) for the beautiful artwork! And a special shoutout to my girl Jen for helping me through the planning stages of this. I hope you all enjoy it. Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

The sound of the unrelenting rain that poured down from above was made worse by the incessant sound of the windshield wipers of the Jeep. Buck’s fingers gripped the steering wheel tensely, a finger flicking the lever to turn his wipers up to their highest speed, squinting to see the road as rain hammered the windshield. 

“Well, if this isn’t a warm welcome,” He muttered, glancing in the rearview mirror instinctively, catching sight of the boxes that were neatly stacked behind him.

As Buck continued to drive, the rain that poured down from above lessened, allowing him to see the road more clearly. His weary eyes reflecting relief as a large green sign on the side of the road announced his arrival to his new hometown, ‘ _Welcome to Ferndale’_. He grabbed blindly at the piece of folded paper in his cup holder, glancing quickly at the name and address on it, before his tired blue eyes returned to the road ahead. As Buck drove he attempted to make out the names on the intersecting street signs with no success. 

He ignored the sound of his cell phone ringing as he pulled over to the side of the road. Once the ringing ceased, Buck grabbed for his cell phone and haphazardly punched the address into his phone’s GPS. As he pulled back onto the road, the jeep’s tires spun for a brief moment, struggling to get traction on the slick road before they stabilized.

A few minutes later he found himself pulling up in front of a quaint house, periwinkle in color with white shutters and flowers bowing their heads heavily from the relentless rain. Buck pursed his lips momentarily as he killed the engine of the Jeep, stepping out a moment later. His eyes finally stopped on the sign that hung outside, the only indicator that this wasn’t just someone’s home that he’d pulled up to, but a bed and breakfast. 

Buck pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head though it offered barely any protection from the heavy rain as he made a dash for the porch. Once under shelter, he pulled his hood back, fingers running roughly through his blonde hair, trying to shake away some of the gathered rain. 

Before Buck had the chance to raise his hand to ring the doorbell, the front door opened. A man who appeared to be a few years his senior stood on the other side. “Evan Buckley?” He asked after a moment.

Buck nodded his head in confirmation, acknowledging the other man’s question. “Just call me Buck,” Buck’s eyebrows raised slightly, trying to match the voice of the man in front of him to the man that he had spoken to on the phone a few times before. He was certain they weren’t one and the same. “...Bobby?” The confusion was clear in his voice as his eyes scanned the other man’s face, who stood only a few inches shorter than Buck. 

A tiny laugh escaped from the other man’s lips before he spoke. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” He shook his head slightly at the confused stranger standing on the other side of the door. “I’m Eddie - Eddie Diaz. Bobby had to step out for a little while, and asked that I show you to your room.”

“My room?” Buck asked, surprised, voice laced with confusion. “I was under the impression that they were going to put me up at a hotel, until my place is ready.” 

Eddie held his hands up in surrender. “I don’t know, man. You’re going to have to take that up with Bobby. He’ll be back within the hour.” The older man paused for a beat. “In the meantime, do you want to get out of the rain and get settled? I mean, unless you have a fancy hotel lined up.”

Buck paused, as though considering his options, or lack thereof. He didn’t recall a single hotel that he’d passed within the past thirty minutes. He breathed out in defeat, the bed and breakfast and lack of privacy would have to do for now. “Yeah, let me grab my bags.” 

Buck made his way back out into the rain with Eddie following closely behind, helping him with his luggage. “Do you want help grabbing any of the boxes?” Eddie asked, nodding towards the boxes that were lined up in the back.

“No need, I won’t be staying here for long,” Buck shook his head as he closed up the jeep, the rain finally ceasing. “And NOW it stops raining.” Buck laughed as he followed Eddie back up the porch steps and into the bed and breakfast.

“So you’ll be working at the clinic?” Eddie asked as he led the way to Buck’s room, placing the bags just inside the door. Buck glanced at Eddie in surprise. “Small town,” Eddie answered matter-of-factly, in response to the question that Buck hadn’t had the chance to ask. “Comings and goings tend to travel pretty quickly, and I had a particular interest in you coming to town.” 

Buck placed the rest of his bags beside where Eddie had set the others. “Oh?” Buck’s eyes landed on Eddie, a quizzical expression on his face.

Eddie paused, running through the conversation in his head, “that sounded strange, huh?” He crossed his arms over his chest, pressing into the dampened shirt beneath. “I have a son who needs to see a physical therapist a few times a week. Since the last physical therapist in town moved away...” Eddie’s voice trailed off. “I have to drive an hour one way to get him there, so it will be a big relief for me.” 

“How old is your son?” Buck asked, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed slowly. “Sports injury?”

“He’s eight,” Eddie stood by the door jamb. “He has cerebral palsy, and he’s been struggling a bit. Physical therapy makes a big difference for him. I do what I can to make up for the infrequent sessions, with stretches and whatnot.” He shrugged after a minute. “But I’m clearly not a physical therapist.” 

Buck nodded at the explanation, not faltering when he heard about the boy’s cerebral palsy. Eddie wasn’t used to that. Typically, people’s first reaction was one of pity, feeling sorry for Christopher. It was a relief to not see pity in someone’s eyes when they first learned about his son’s condition. “Well, I’ll be at the clinic at nine tomorrow morning to meet my new boss. When do you want to stop by with him?”

Eddie chuckled, running his fingers through the curls that had formed from the rain at the nape of his neck, droplets of water shaking out. “You haven’t even set foot in the office yet. Are you sure you should be making appointments already?”

Buck shrugged. “They hired me to help people,” he insisted. “And it sounds like your son could use some help, to start feeling a little better. If he doesn’t come in tomorrow, when is his next appointment?”

“Friday at four in the afternoon,” Eddie answered as Buck’s phone began to ring. He pulled the phone out of his pocket, glancing down at the face that appeared on his phone and letting out a whisper of a breath. “Look, I’ll leave you to get settled…” Eddie trailed off, as he began to step away from the room. “You’d better get that. I’m sure your family is wondering if you got here alright.”

Buck glanced down at the phone as it continued to ring. “Hey, seriously - bring your son by tomorrow. He shouldn’t have to wait three days.” Buck urged gently. 

Eddie turned to glance at Buck who had a ghost of a smile on his face. “Thanks Buck, Christopher and I will see you at the clinic tomorrow.”

___________________________________________________

It was breakfast time the following day. Buck palmed his cell phone in his hand as he leaned against the door jamb leading into the kitchen. “You know, when I was told that living accommodations would be part of my contract with the clinic, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” He glanced down then, seeing the four missed calls before locking his phone and letting his eyes wander back to the kitchen.

“You’ll have to take that up with Athena,” Bobby told him with a shrug. He slid the contents on the cutting board into the sizzling pan before glancing back up to catch Buck’s gaze.

Buck stepped into the kitchen wordlessly, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket before taking a bite. “You know, guests typically stay out of the kitchen.” Bobby said with a raised eyebrow, stirring the chopped vegetables around in the pan. 

“Guests typically don’t stay at a bed and breakfast indefinitely,” Buck said in challenge. He glanced around the kitchen for the coffee maker before finally spotting it. “Any chance you have some travel mugs laying around here?”

“You haven’t even had breakfast yet, Evan,” Bobby reminded him, scrambling the eggs before adding them to the pan.

“Yeah, I don’t have time for breakfast today,” Buck said after a minute. “And please, call me Buck.” 

“There is a reason that it’s called a bed _and_ breakfast.” 

“Tomorrow,” Buck assured him, glancing down at his watch. “I don’t think the boss will appreciate it if I’m late for my first day on the job.” He flashed Bobby a quick smile.

“I don’t have any to-go cups since my guests are typically not so mobile,” Bobby explained in mock despair. “But there is a diner in town, Abuela’s. You can grab a cup of coffee on your way to the office. It’s walking distance from the clinic.”

“What about a Starbucks?” Buck pressed with a hopeful smile.

“Sorry, kid. You’re not going to find that here.” Bobby laughed. Buck recalled his drive into town. It had been remote, but aside from the pouring rain he couldn’t recall the specifics of the businesses that he passed.

Buck groaned unhappily, slipping his phone into his pocket as it vibrated. “Well, I’d better get going.” And with that Buck left, making his way to his Jeep and heading towards the clinic that was located only a few miles away. 

Buck checked his watch as he pulled into the small parking lot, located at the back of the town’s catch-all clinic. He noted that he had thirty minutes to spare. He wasn’t used to the lack of traffic on his morning commute. It usually took him just over an hour to get into work every morning when he was working in LA, and here in Ferndale he’d arrived in just under fifteen minutes. 

He took the time to check his messages, and sighed at the multiple missed calls and text messages, all from the same person: Maddie. He quickly composed a message to his sister. _Busy getting settled, talk later._ Buck stumbled, nearly dropping his phone as he bumped into someone on the sidewalk. “Oh sorry, man,” Buck said, a sheepish look on his face as he slipped it into his pocket. 

Eddie laughed lightly at him. “Those things are a hazard,” He said motioning to his cell phone. “Where are you headed?”

“Uh… Abuela’s?” Buck replied after a moment. “Bobby says they make the town’s only decent cup of coffee, and I’m going through some serious caffeine withdrawal right now.”

“I’ll walk with you. I’m headed that way anyway,” Eddie told him, walking in stride beside Buck. “So, the scoop on Abuela’s? The pastries are to die for, but the staff can be a bit insufferable.”

Buck laughed as they reached the entrance of the small diner. “Pastries are good, staff is not so good? I think I can remember that.”

“It’s not the entire staff, mainly the owner,” Eddie assured him as they stepped into the diner together, making their way towards the counter. Buck noticed that the diner seemed to reflect the general feel of the whole town, laid back and old-fashioned. He turned to look for Eddie, only to notice that the man was gone. Buck’s brow rose in surprise as he saw Eddie slip behind the counter.

“Welcome to Abuela’s, what can I get for you?” Eddie grinned back at Buck, tying the apron around his waist, waiting for Buck’s order.

“I’ll take a pastry…” Buck’s voice trailed off as his eyes landed on the small bakery case, not recognizing the majority of the bakery items that were displayed, with the exception of a couple of muffins. “And an Americano,” he added.

“Most of these are pan dulce,” Eddie explained, catching the surprise in Buck’s voice as he looked at the pastries. “There are some churros in there too, which are basically donut sticks… and, sweet empanadas filled with apples, and some besos which are filled with jam.” 

“Edmundo,” A voice interrupted. “Who is this?” A short, older woman joined Eddie behind the counter.

“Ah, Abuela this is Buck, he’s the new physical therapist in town,” Eddie introduced. “Buck, this is my abuela, Isabel. She does most of the baking here," He explained as he watched Isabel busy herself with filling a pastry bag with an assortment of pan dulce before handing it over to Eddie wordlessly.

“Abuela, I don’t think—” Eddie stopped abruptly with a quiet chuckle as Isabel held up a hand to silence him.

“He is new to town, let’s make him feel welcome.” She hissed at Eddie quietly, before she disappeared through the doors to the kitchen.

Eddie and Buck exchanged a glance before they both chuckled, eyes following the fierce older woman as she disappeared. “So, I guess these are all for you. Our treat.” He handed the bag over to Buck then. Eddie grabbed a disposable travel cup, filling it with black coffee.

“So… no Americano?” Buck laughed as Eddie filled the cup.

“We don’t have anything fancy when it comes to coffee, man. Sorry,” He apologized. “The caffeine here is black and strong. There’s cream and sugar on the end of the counter over there.” Eddie nodded towards where the cream and sugar were located as he slid the travel cup across the counter to Buck.

“I’m starting to see that Ferndale isn’t really a bells and whistles kind of place,” Buck observed as he grabbed the coffee from the counter. “What do I owe you?”

“Ferndale has its own appeal,” Eddie explained. Buck had to wonder then, what was the appeal? It seemed like a sleepy little town, off the beaten path. Buck was used to the hustle and bustle, the background noise in LA where he’d spent the entirety of his adult years. “Your order is on the house today. I’ll see you later on today when I drop by with Chris.”

“I guess I’ll have to take your word on it, for now,” Buck told him with a tight smile, adding cream and plenty of sugar to his coffee. “Thanks for breakfast.” 

___________________________________________________

“Hey Athena, do you have a minute before you head out?” Buck asked, having just finished up with his first shift at Ferndale’s only medical clinic. He approached his boss as she had her purse slung over her shoulder, clearly on her way out of the office.

“Sure,” Athena said shortly, glancing at her watch before turning to Buck with a small smile. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s—” Buck glanced down at his cell phone as it rang, quickly silencing it. “I was hoping we could talk about my contract, more specifically, my living arrangements…” Buck trailed off slowly.

“When we talked before and I signed the contract to sign on for this year at the clinic, part of the draw was that I wouldn’t have to worry about my living arrangements.”

“Did something happen over at Bobby’s?” Athena asked carefully.

“No, no it’s not that. Everything was _fine_.” Buck breathed out slowly. “I just thought I’d be staying somewhere with a little more privacy until my place was ready for me to move in.”

“They’re working as fast as they can,” Athena promised him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “In the meantime, Bobby’s is the only place, not to mention the place with the best accommodations, unless you are going to stay outside of town.” 

Buck simply sighed in resignation at her words. “Okay, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Great job today, Buck. We’re really glad to have you.”

Buck smiled and finished saying his goodbyes before he slipped out the side door of the clinic, tossing his bag into the passenger seat of his Jeep. He considered heading back to Bobby’s, but it was only six in the evening, and he figured he’d stretch his legs a bit before being cooped up again. He glanced at his missed calls, clicking on the only name that appeared on the list on the screen.

“I’m sorry, who is this? It says it’s my brother Evan Buckley, but I assumed he must have been abducted by aliens since I have been trying to call him for _three days_.” Maddie’s familiar voice was heavy with sarcasm after the call connected.

Buck exhaled into the phone. “Look, Mads, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve just been trying to get settled. It’s been a pretty big change and I just needed some time to process.”

“It wouldn’t be such a big change, if you had stayed here in Los Angeles, _where you belong_ ,” Maddie chided. “Even if you didn’t want to stay in your place, after everything, you could have just stayed with me for as long as you needed.” 

Buck continued walking down the sidewalk, eyes taking in the surroundings of this new town that was now his home. “I appreciate the offer, sis, really I do. But I just needed — a fresh start.”

“You mean, you needed to run away,” Maddie corrected, and Buck winced at her words. He paused for a moment, looping back around to make his way back to his Jeep that was still parked at the clinic. 

“Maddie...” Her name was barely audible as Buck let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t run away. But I needed a change, I—” Buck searched for the words then, his hand moving to the necklace that settled against his neck, rolling it between his fingers. “I don’t expect you to understand, but this is my life and my decision to make.” He reached the Jeep then, unlocking it. “I’ve gotta go. We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Okay,” Maddie agreed reluctantly as they ended the call. He sat in the jeep in silence for a few minutes, closing his eyes and allowing his heart rate to settle.

Buck made the short drive back to Bobby’s and made his way up the steps and into the bed and breakfast. Halfway up the steps that led to the second story, he heard his name being called. “Hey, Buck.”

“Bobby… hey.” There was a slight hesitation as Buck turned around to face Bobby, who stood at the bottom of the steps.

“Have you eaten?” Buck shook his head, indicating that he hadn’t. Bobby continued, “Why don’t you come down and grab some dinner?” Buck hesitated, wanting nothing more than to go upstairs and not see anyone else until the next day. His conversation with Maddie had zapped the rest of the energy that he had left after his shift. However, there didn’t seem to be a lot of dining options in town, and he was starving. 

He turned around on the steps then, following Bobby towards the dining area. “I’ve never heard of a bed and breakfast that serves dinner.” 

Bobby glanced over at the younger man and let out an easy laugh. “Yeah, we do have a tendency to be a little unconventional here. We’re a bit like a big extended family. That means that now that you’re here, you’re a part of that, too.”

Buck opened his mouth to speak but was stunned into silence as he glanced around the full dining room. “Uh, what is this?”

“This,” Bobby explained as he motioned to the full dining room, “is Monday night dinner. There is a group of us that share dinner every Monday night. We invite the guests that are staying at the B&B to join also, but usually Mondays are a light evening for out-of-towners. I think you know almost everyone here.”

Well, so much for locking himself up in his room and being alone. He scanned the room then, realizing that he did recognize the majority of the faces. There was Bobby, and Buck’s new boss Athena; Henrietta and Chimney, both of whom worked at the clinic as nurses. Eddie, Isabel, and Christopher. There were only a handful of people he didn’t recognize.

“I’m Karen, Hen’s wife. And this is our son, Denny,” Karen introduced herself, reaching out a hand and offering Buck a warm smile.

Buck offered a tight smile back, taking Karen’s outstretched hand before shaking it gently. “Buck. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

___________________________________________________

It was a Tuesday morning, and Bobby’s was quiet; a welcome change from the ambush that was the community dinner the night before. Buck didn’t need to be at the clinic until ten this morning, and after the short drive yesterday, Buck knew that it wouldn’t take him an hour to arrive at work. 

“Morning, Buck,” Bobby said cheerfully.

Buck grumbled a reply, making his way closer to where Bobby stood in the kitchen. 

“Coffee?” Bobby chuckled at the younger man, making his way over to the coffee maker and pouring him a steaming cup. “I’m sure you’ll be better off with coffee from Abuela’s, but I’ll make sure it’s ready in the morning.” He assured him, handing over the mug that was now warm to the touch.

Buck took the cup from Bobby without hesitation before seating himself at the empty table. Bobby joined him a moment later with two plates in hand, placing one in front of Buck and the other at the empty seat beside him, before sitting down. Buck glanced at the neatly plated breakfast before him, cutting into the delicate crepe before taking a bite and letting out a quiet moan. “Bobby, this is amazing.”

A smile crossed Bobby’s lips at Buck’s reaction before taking a bite of his own. “There are some perks to staying here. Remember that the next time you’re complaining about having to stay here,” Bobby teased. Buck’s phone vibrated on the table when a text message from Maddie came through. He ignored the text message, adding cream and sugar to the coffee. “So, do you have a lot of family back in LA?” Bobby asked.

“Uh, not too much,” Buck said hesitantly, taking another bite of the crepe. “Just a sister. My Mom passed away a few years ago, and my Dad lives in New York.” Buck glanced at his phone as it vibrated again. 

“You don’t have to ignore your phone on my account,” Bobby said after a short pause.

“It’s not a big deal, I’ll message her on my way out.”

“It’s a big move from LA to Ferndale, a pretty big change. What do you think of it so far?”

Buck scratched the back of his head before taking a long swallow from his coffee, setting the large mug back down onto the table. “It’s...nice.” Buck hesitated. “It’s taking a little getting used to, though. LA was never quiet, and there was always the hustle and bustle of living in the city. Always somewhere to go, something to see or do.” He paused, still mulling over the question.

“Yeah, it’s definitely a little bit of a culture shock when you’re moving away from a big city. When I first moved here, I wasn’t sure what to think, either. While there isn’t necessarily the kind of nightlife LA has to offer, but there are things to do, you just have to pay attention to what’s around you,” Bobby explained. 

Buck lifted his eyes to glance at Bobby then, a surprised look on his face. “Oh, I didn’t realize that you weren’t from here. You just seem like you were born and raised here. Like you live and breathe this town.”

Bobby paused, looking to Buck. “I grew up in Las Vegas, I lived there until I was thirty before I settled down here.” The older man glanced up as he heard the bell ding, indicating that new guests were arriving.

Buck set his fork down as he finished his food. “Bobby, this was great.” He slowly pushed away from the table and rose to his feet. “I’ve gotta get ready for my shift, but I’ll see you around.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

If Abuela’s was the only place in town that made a decent cup of coffee, Buck could see how this was going to become a part of his morning routine pretty quickly. Especially with the monstrosity that Bobby referred to as coffee at the bed and breakfast. This surprised Buck since the food that he prepared was restaurant-worthy. He walked through the front door, making his way to the counter. An easy smile came to his lips as he spotted the short woman that was busying herself filling the case with fresh pastries. “Isabel, good morning.”

“Good morning, Buck.” She glanced around, seeking out her grandson. “Eddie is around here somewhere.”

“Do you have any of those little ones that are filled with jam?” He asked with a smile.

Eddie joined the two of them at the counter. “The besos?” The dark-haired man asked after a moment. “There is a fresh batch cooling, they just need a couple more minutes on the rack. How many did you want?”

“Just two is perfect. I’m going to need to hit the gym, between breakfast at Bobby’s and the sweet treats your abuela makes.” Buck laughed and Eddie joined in with a small chuckle.

“And… an Americano, was it?” Eddie teased lightly, grabbing a travel cup and filling it with coffee before sliding it across the counter to him. Eddie rang him up and Buck paid while they waited for pastries to cool. “There aren’t too many great gyms around here, but let me know when you’re free and I can show you where I usually work out when I need to clear my head.”

Buck fixed his cup of coffee, glancing at Eddie behind the counter. “I have Friday off, and I’m free this weekend. I know you have your son, so just let me know what works for you.” Eddie asked for his number before sending him a text, so they’d be able to reach each other this weekend.

Eddie made his way into the back and grabbed the besos from the cooling rack, placing two in Buck’s bag. “Here you go, man. Talk later, alright?”

“Yeah, of course. Talk to you later.”

___________________________________________________

The rest of the week was pretty predictable; Buck woke up each morning and had breakfast with Bobby. The bed and breakfast was quiet where other guests were concerned. When there were other guests that were staying there, it tended to be families, who would usually eat together and keep to themselves. 

He’d eat and talk to Bobby, and much to his surprise, he really enjoyed getting to know him. The day he arrived in Ferndale, he wasn’t all too thrilled about staying at Bobby’s bed and breakfast. Aside from his short chats with Bobby over their shared meal he wasn’t up for any additional interactions.

When he left Bobby’s, he usually headed into town and made his obligatory stop at Abuela’s. He would get some much-needed caffeine and a few treats for the road. The besos had quickly become his favorite. By the third morning that he arrived at Abuela’s before work, his order was up and ready at the register. He’d talk with Isabel and Eddie for a few minutes before heading to the clinic.

Now that the weekend had rolled around again, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with his time without work being a part of his routine. It wasn’t like he had a home to manage since he was staying at Bobby’s. At least he had plans to meet up with Eddie later on, to check out his gym. Buck made his way into the dining area and his eyes wandered to the dining table, eyes landing on a young family that was seated together: a mom who couldn’t be older than twenty-one, the dad that sat beside her, and a little girl with pig-tails and a messy face who couldn’t be more than two.

Buck lowered his eyes after a moment, feeling like he was intruding on a moment with the young family, making his way towards the kitchen. “Morning, Bobby.” His words were distracted as he leaned against the door jamb.

“Hey, Buck. Give me just a minute and I’ll get your breakfast started.”

“No need. I’m meeting up with Eddie in a little bit, I just wanted to drop in and say good morning,” Buck told him. He stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a banana from the fruit basket. 

Bobby let out an amused laugh. “I thought you weren’t eating here?”

Buck peeled back the banana, taking a bite out of it before shrugging his shoulders. “I’m not. This doesn’t count as breakfast,” He promised, flashing Bobby a quick smile before making his way out of the room. He jogged up the steps to his room to grab his gym bag that he’d managed to dig out of his boxes. He sent Eddie a quick text telling him that he’d see him shortly, and headed to Abuela’s.

His Jeep pulled in the parking lot a few minutes later, and he sat there for a long stretch of time, his fingers moving up to the necklace that hung beneath the fabric of his shirt.

___________________________________________________

_The sun shined over the small gathering of people in the backyard. Streamers and balloons were placed around the deck and backyard. Buck attempted to tape the banner to the back deck. “Does this look even?” He asked after a minute, letting out an uncertain laugh._

_“Even enough.” Maddie laughed, pushing her hair behind her ear, glancing up at him briefly before attaching the balloon to the ribbon. “It’s not like she’s going to know the difference.”_

_Buck scoffed at his sister’s words. “Take that back,” he demanded. When Maddie didn’t immediately do as he asked, he took several steps, walking over to the playpen that sat atop the deck where they were working, bending down and picking up the little girl who was sitting inside. “You tell your Aunt Maddie to take that back, Ava.”_

_“Evan.”_

_“Take that back, she will remember. It’s her first birthday, of course she’s going to remember it.”_

_“You are such a child.” She teased, shaking her head. Maddie reached out a moment later, taking the small child from her brother. “How about today, we leave that to the actual child?” She asked, scrunching up her face before placing a kiss on Ava’s nose. The resemblance to her father was astounding. Maddie never thought she would see the day that her brother would have a baby, especially not before she started a family with Doug._

_Buck turned as he heard a noise near the gate. “Dad... “ A small smile crossed his lips. “I’m glad you were able to make it.” He welcomed his father to the small group of people already gathered in the backyard, celebrating his daughter’s first birthday._

_When Buck thought about his future, the last thing that he’d considered was becoming a father, especially in his mid-twenties. He could barely take care of himself most days, so the concept of caring for someone before himself had never crossed his mind._

_Buck had always been a little promiscuous, and one day he was surprised to get a phone call from one of the girls that he’d been with._

_She told him that she was pregnant, and she asked him what he was going to do about it. Buck didn’t know what she wanted him to say, and he didn’t know what the right thing was to say. But, what he didn’t expect was any sort of paternal instinct or protectiveness for the baby that she was carrying. She told him that she didn’t want the baby, and Buck had begged her to not have an abortion. Buck finally got what he wanted, and she ended up signing over her parental rights to him. Buck was all that Ava had in the world._

_And quickly, Ava had become his world. The early days had been sleepless and exhausting. Each of those nights that he’d barely gotten a wink of sleep, with a colicky baby at his chest who somehow made his love for her even stronger. Every giggle and bedtime story had him wondering how he’d ever existed without her. Just over a year ago he had no idea how his life would change so drastically, and yet at that moment, he didn’t know how he’d ever existed without her._

_“So, we’re going to do things a little backward today, but isn’t that the Buckley way?” Buck joked as he situated her high chair on his back deck, overlooking the glistening pool._

_“Wasn’t inviting people to a birthday party and then telling them no presents backward to begin with?” Buck heard his father chime in._

_“She doesn’t_ need _more things.” Buck reminded him, shaking his head slightly. “Anyways, we’re going to do the cake before little miss Ava gets too cranky.” He moved to his sister then, gently taking his daughter as she reached for him. He balanced her easily on his hip as he removed the tray from the high chair, placing her inside before he locked the tray back into place. The baby cooed back at him, and he felt like his heart would burst into a thousand pieces._

___________________________________________________

Buck sat in his Jeep, motionless for a long moment as he shuddered out a breath, trying to disconnect himself from the memory. “Daddy misses you, Ava.” He cleared his throat, glancing at himself in the rearview mirror. He stayed there for a few minutes, collecting himself before he grabbed his bag and headed towards the door to Abuela’s.

Buck stepped into the familiar diner, making his way to the counter. “Hey, Eddie,” He said as he spotted the other man behind the counter.

“Hey man,” Eddie greeted. “I was just helping Abuela with something quick, give me just a minute and we can head out. She had me set out your order.”

Buck let out a surprised laugh as he looked at the pastry bag. “Aren’t we going to exercise, because your abuela is trying to fatten me up?”

Eddie shrugged his shoulder, untying the apron around his waist. “You do have the option to tell her no.”

Buck shook his head without hesitation. “I don’t know the two of you that well yet, but I know enough to not offend her. Isabel, thank you for the besos!” He called. Eddie disappeared for a few minutes, and when he returned he was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a gray shirt.

Once Eddie was ready, the pair walked out to the parking lot located behind the diner. “If you want to grab your bag, we can ride in my truck,” Eddie offered. Buck obliged, and a few minutes later they were on the road. “So, what’s the name of the gym?”

Eddie squinted slightly at the question, and then glanced at Buck quickly before his eyes returned to the road. “I wouldn’t _exactly_ call it a gym,” he explained. “Did you do much research on Ferndale before you moved to town?”

Buck shrugged at the question. “Very, very briefly.”

“Remember when I told you that Ferndale has its own appeal?” He asked.

“I do.” 

“Ferndale is known as the gateway to the Lost Coast,” Eddie told him. “The Lost Coast is this amazing stretch of land along the coast, with no main roads for driving. Just hiking to the end of the coast and back is a couple of days trek.”

“I didn’t know we were planning a weekend getaway together,” Buck said cheekily, his brow arched as he looked at Eddie.

“We aren’t,” Eddie laughed as he pulled his truck to a stop. “There is a smaller hiking trail, that gives you a little glimpse of the Lost Coast and ends at the abandoned lighthouse at Punta Gorda. It’s worth the hike, about three miles out.” Eddie stepped out of the truck before opening the back and grabbing a hiking bag. “I packed some snacks in here, and some water for the hike.”

“Alright.” Buck shrugged as he stepped out of the truck, his eyes taking in the view around him. “Let’s do this.”

Buck was definitely not used to this type of physical activity; he usually worked out with a personal trainer at the gym. He rarely took his exercise outdoors, though he’d done a couple of 5Ks a few years back with Maddie. 

Buck and Eddie hiked in silence for most of the trek, making small talk as they followed the trail. Eddie would point out some of his favorite sights as they passed them. “Do you come out here often?” 

“When I have time,” Eddie told him. “It’s hard sometimes with the diner to get away too much. I normally do the smaller hike that we’re doing now, but I’ve only done the full Lost Coast trail once.” Eddie stopped as he slipped the pack from his back, handing Buck a Camelbak water bottle. They stood there for a few minutes in silence, rehydrating themselves before they repacked the bottles and Eddie returned the pack to his back.

“This is probably my favorite thing about Ferndale,” Eddie told him after a minute. “On the days that Abuela has Christopher, especially on when I’ve had a hard week, it’s one of the best ways for me to get out of my own head and shake it off.”

“It’s beautiful,” Buck nodded his head in agreement. “I am used to the city, but I can’t lie, this is really nice too.” He bit his bottom lip, glancing down for a moment as they continued to walk in the direction of the lighthouse. 

“There’s something symbolic about it, too,” Eddie scratched the back of his neck before glancing over at Buck. “We lost Christopher’s mom a couple years ago. And, even though we weren’t together anymore, it was a pretty hard time for our family. It was really hard on Chris.”

“I’m sorry, man. That really sucks.” Buck felt a dull ache for Eddie, remembering what it had been like to lose his own mother. “I lost my Mom a few years ago, so I can only imagine how much harder that must have been for a kid Christopher’s age.”

“Thanks.” Eddie smiled as he started to take in the sight of the abandoned lighthouse. “After it happened, I had a hard time dealing with the adjustments with Chris. So coming out here, it gave me the space to think and try to get my head right. My abuela told me about the symbolism of lighthouses. But what always stood out to me the most when she was telling me this, was that they’re navigational guides. You know, not just in the physical sense, but spiritually, too.

“Coming out here and walking to the lighthouse, it let me sort out my thoughts and center myself again.”

“Isabel is a pretty special lady,” Buck told him, a fond smile crossing his lips. “I’m not sure that I believe in all of the spiritual meanings behind it. But it’s hard to imagine not being able to breathe a little deeper, and just exist in the stillness out here. And coming from a city boy like me, that says a lot,” he chuckled quietly.

“I know it’s been a little bit of a culture shock for you,” Eddie agreed. “I grew up around here, the next town over. I used to love it when I got the chance to come over to Ferndale. So it just made sense to make it my home too, ya know?”

“Do you come from a big family?”

“A few of sisters who are both married, and two little nieces, Carly and Avery.”

Buck turned silent, his mind instantly wandering back to his Ava. He realized he must have been silent for a little too long, finding Eddie’s curious eyes watching him. “You, uh, you must really love getting to spoil them. How old are they?” Buck asked, his fingers moving to the necklace that hung around his neck.

“Yeah, getting to be an uncle to those two little girls has been great. They’re two and three, and so completely different than Chris was at that age.” Buck could hear the excitement in his voice as he talked about his two nieces, the adoration softening his handsome features.

“They’re really lucky to have an uncle like you to spoil them.” Buck felt a weight on his chest, and for a moment wondered how he was going to carry on with this conversation with Eddie.

Eddie tried to read Buck, sensing a weird shift when he’d begun talking about Carly and Avery. There was something that changed, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Are you an uncle?”

“Nope, I have one sister, Maddie. She lives back in LA. No kids in the picture yet. I’d imagine it’s pretty great to spoil them and hand them back over to their parents.” Buck tried to let out a convincing laugh.

Eddie shrugged, “It’s nice to spoil them, it’s so easy when they’re that age. I always really enjoy seeing Chris with his aunts and uncles. It’s a really special relationship.”

“Yeah, it is,” Buck said softly, thinking of Maddie and Ava together. Getting to see Maddie with Ava was one of Buck’s favorite things about being a dad. 

“Did you have an aunt or uncle in your life that you were really close to?”

“Not really.” He watched Eddie come to a stop, slipping the hiking bag off of his back. His gray shirt was darker on his back where the pack had been resting, sweat steadily tinting his shirt. 

“Oh, you just sounded so sure about an uncle’s relationship with his nieces or nephews,” Eddie explained before taking a long sip of water.

Buck grabbed his bottle as well, taking several long swigs, allowing himself the extra time to try to collect his thoughts. He could feel his heart begin to thunder in his chest, blinking his eyes closed for a short beat. “I’m gonna sit for a couple of minutes,” Eddie told Buck as he sat, about twenty feet away from the lighthouse. 

Buck nodded, sitting beside him in the sand, before glancing down at his hands. He hadn’t been expecting today to be like this. He thought he and Eddie would go to the gym, chat for a few minutes and then that would have been it. Maybe a word or two between reps.

He wasn’t expecting such a candid conversation, or to learn so much about Eddie. He’d been so open with Buck. And yet, Buck was holding so much back. “Thanks for bringing me out here, Eddie.”

“Of course,” Eddie chuckled, lightly bumping his shoulder. “I need to give you some reasons to stick around in town. You know, since you’re Christopher’s new physical therapist, I have a vested interest.” 

“Ah.” Buck smiled as he took the protein bar that Eddie had offered him, taking a small bite. 

“Well that, and I’m pretty sure that my abuela is in love with you.” Buck joined in on Eddie’s laughter.

“Yeah, well the feeling is mutual.” 

Buck finished the protein bar before he turned his attention back to Eddie. “Ready to head over to the lighthouse before we make our way back?” The two men rose to their feet beside each other, Buck grabbing the pack for Eddie this time so that he wouldn’t have to also carry it on their hike back to the truck.

“Thanks for bringing me out here, Eddie. I appreciate you taking the time to make me feel welcome in town,” Buck said as they walked.

“Of course, I’d do it for anyone who was also Christopher’s physical therapist.” Eddie joked, falling in step beside Buck as they began to walk back to the truck.

___________________________________________________

When Buck stepped into Abuela’s on Sunday morning, he was surprised by how quiet it was. There were a few patrons seated with a cup of coffee, but it definitely seemed like less than usual. He made his way to the counter, “Good morning, Isabel. The usual?” 

He looked around the cafe for a moment, noticing the boy sitting alone at a table with his bookbag inhabiting one side of the table. “Can I get a hot chocolate, too?” Buck added, flashing her a smile. 

“Good morning, Buck,” Isabel smiled back, pouring Buck’s coffee before going to prepare the hot chocolate. He added the cream and sugar to his drink before taking a few sips. 

Buck walked over to where the boy was sitting, coffee in his hand. “Hey Christopher,” he began, “is this seat taken?”

“Buck!” Christopher smiled brightly at him. 

Buck chuckled, setting his coffee in front of one of the empty seats. “Is that a no?” He stepped away from the table, walking up to the counter to retrieve the hot chocolate that he’d ordered for Chris. “Shhh, don’t tell your dad,” he winked as he slid the warm beverage in front of the boy. He seated himself across from Chris.

“So, what are you up to today, buddy?”

Christopher frowned briefly. “My dad has to work,” he complained, turning his attention back to the small lego structure that he was building. “Abuela, too,” he mumbled.

“That has to be hard,” Buck watched as Christopher finally brought the mug to his lips. There was something in Christopher’s expression that made Buck want to frown. “My dad works a lot, too.”

“Work is stupid,” he mumbled.

“Chris...” Buck trailed off slowly as he studied the boy. This was definitely not the same upbeat kid that he saw at the clinic twice per week. “Is everything okay?”

Christopher was working diligently with his Lego bricks, though Buck was unsure what exactly he was trying to build. For a moment, Buck wondered if the boy had actually heard him speak. “It’s _fine_ ,” he told Buck. “We were supposed to go to the park, but now we have to go another day. My mom would have taken me,” he finished unhappily.

Breaking plans with Chris didn’t seem like something that Eddie would do under normal circumstances. Buck felt his insides twist at the boy’s words about his mom, only recently learning that she’d died. He couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been to be so young and lose your mom. 

He related to Eddie, understanding the struggle to raise a child alone. It made him think of Ava.

Buck excused himself from the table, walking up to the counter where Isabel was refilling the pastry case. “Hey Isabel, is Eddie around?”

Isabel let out a sigh as she glanced up at Buck. “Eddie usually has Sundays off, and spends the day with Christopher,” she told Buck as she glanced at her great-grandson, “but he had a couple of call-ins today, and he was waiting on a big delivery.”

He talked to Isabel for a few minutes before he saw her disappear behind the doors. Eddie appeared a moment later. “Hey Buck, Abuela said you needed something.”

“Hey…” Buck trailed off for a moment, tapping his fingers on the counter briefly. “So, this is going to sound like it is completely out of left field, but I have the day off today, and Christopher doesn’t look like he’s too busy,” He paused, eyes searching Eddie’s face for signs that he’d overstepped, “I was wondering what you’d think about me taking Chris out for the day? To the park.” 

Eddie looked at Buck, obviously surprised at the question. “Buck, I appreciate you being nice to my kid, I do,” he said, “I couldn’t ask you to waste your Sunday looking after him.”

Buck let out a small laugh, “I don’t have anything lined up for today, aside from getting my coffee,” he lifted his coffee cup to Eddie for effect, making a show of taking a sip. “And for the record, you didn’t ask me, I’m offering.”

Eddie looked hopeful, though he remained silent for a moment, “You’re sure you don’t have other plans?”

Buck grinned at Eddie, “So that’s a yes? I could really use a little tour guide showing me around town.

“That’s a yes,” Eddie laughed, feeling lighter at the thought that Christopher would be able to spend the day doing something fun, instead of stuck at the diner all day. “Just have him back by five, so he can unwind before he has to go to bed, alright?”

Eddie walked over and gave Christopher a kiss on the top of his head, telling him to behave for Buck. Chris looked at him in confusion, he always behaved so he didn’t understand why his dad would come over and tell him that. After a minute, Buck appeared at the side of the table. “Let’s pack it up, Chris, we have a busy day ahead of us.”

Christopher glanced from Buck to Eddie, not understanding. “Buck wants to take you out for the day, have you show him Ferndale a little bit. Do you think you’re up to it, buddy?”

A grin lit up Christopher’s face, the frown on his face completely erased. “Let’s get your stuff packed up and we can go,” he glanced in Eddie’s direction before he leaned in closer to Chris. “Are there any ice cream places around here?”

Buck and Christopher began to make their way to the door, Buck having slung the boy's bag over his own shoulder. “Have fun, Christopher,” Eddie smiled as he looked at how genuinely happy his son was.

“I will, Buck is getting me _ice cream!_ ” He called over his shoulder as they made their way towards the door.

“No more sugar!” Eddie protested with a defeated sigh, as the door to the to Abuela’s closed behind them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

Buck didn’t know what had come over him, but for some reason, he was drawn to Eddie and his entire family, even his kid. Christopher was visibly having a hard day at the diner and Buck just wanted to make it better. That’s how he found himself asking Eddie if he could take Christopher out, and how they ended up spending the better part of the morning at the playground.

Since he’d left LA he had made it a point to distance himself from people, especially from kids. They reminded him of what he no longer had.

He supposed that staying at the bed and breakfast was a blessing in disguise since he didn’t have an empty house to come home to. There were no gleeful giggles to greet him after a day of work, no pitter-patter of Ava’s little feet against the floor when she should have been fast asleep, and no fingerprint-covered windows to clean. 

“Hey Buck, can I go on the swings?” Christopher asked, his crutches clicking as he moved carefully along the pavement that led to the playground.

Buck’s eyes scanned over the playground before they landed on the swings. He noticed that they had one of the larger plastic swings that you could strap a child into, which would make it a lot easier on Chris with this cerebral palsy, and weaker muscle strength. “Absolutely, let’s get you up there.”

Buck settled Christopher’s backpack and crutches off to the side before he helped him into the swing. Once Chris was secured with the careful snap of the buckle in front of him, Buck got started with slow, gentle pushes. It really was the perfect Sunday morning to be spending out in the sunshine. The warmth that it provided was comforting. 

“Buck, push me higher!” Christopher demanded through a peal of giggles. It was hard to believe this was the same kid who was sulking at the diner only a couple of hours earlier. 

“Your dad isn’t going to let me take you out if I bring you back injured, little man,” He teased, adding extra momentum as he pushed harder. 

Chris pushed the glasses up on the bridge of his nose amidst his laughter, feeling the cool breeze brush against his face. “Hey, Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you move here?” His giggles had settled as he leaned back into the swing, his eyes closed as he enjoyed the soothing back-and-forth rhythm. 

“Uh,” Buck choked out a laugh at the unexpected question, “well to make a long story short, I was looking for a change. I’ve lived in a big city for my entire life, and it’s kind of nice to live in a smaller town like this. It’s _different_.”

“I know what you mean,” Chris responded thoughtfully, and for a moment Buck wondered if he was having a conversation with an adult, as opposed to an eight-year-old. 

“You do?”

“It’s like when my dad takes me for ice cream. I usually get birthday cake because that’s what I like, but last time I got the chocolate chip, because it’s _different_.” He explained in a tone that mimicked Buck’s. “And it was really good.”

The smile on Buck’s face broadened as he listened to Christopher. “Hey Buck, can we go get ice cream? I think I’ll get the chocolate chip again.”

“Of course we can.” Once he gathered Christopher’s crutches from where he laid them, Buck helped the boy out of the swing, “I would love to try some chocolate chip ice cream.”

___________________________________________________

_Buck always looked forward to the weekends. The weeks were always so busy with working forty-five hours per week and daycare pick up and drop off. By the time that Buck arrived home with Ava, it was after six and he barely had time to fix them dinner before Ava’s bedtime routine._

_Working as a physical therapist at the office in downtown LA, he was lucky enough to have the weekends to spend with Ava. That was when he would try to plan all of their outings: trips to the children’s play museum, to the public library, to the playground, or the splash park._

_He tried to always squeeze in at least one memorable outing with her each weekend and was sure to capture a picture of the two of them on his phone, so he’d have them to look at with Ava as she got older._

_It had been an entirely exhausting week, and the relief that washed over Buck when he woke up on Saturday morning, knowing that he got to spend it with Ava was overwhelming. They had taken their time in the morning, having french toast and fruit. Then they headed off to the playground, which was currently Ava’s favorite place to be._

_Buck pushed her stroller along the path as the playground came into sight. “Who’s ready for Daddy to push her on the swing?” He cooed as he glanced down at fourteen-month-old Ava in the stroller. As he pushed the stroller off to the side when they arrived at the park, he swung the diaper bag over his shoulder in a swift motion. Buck dipped down and kissed her forehead, unbuckling her and lifting her from the stroller. He placed her in the swing, giving her a gentle push to start._

_Buck was captivated by Ava, facing the baby swing and listening to her belly laughs as she swung back towards her favorite person in the world. Buck’s eyes shone with pure adoration. “Buck?”_

_The familiar voice caused his attention to shift, glancing away from Ava, “Blake.”_

_“Is this…?” The brunette’s voice trailed off slowly, and Buck felt his heart hammering against his chest._

_“Uh, yeah, this is Ava,” Buck told the woman as he continued to push his daughter. The corner of his lips tugged up into a smile as he listened to Ava giggle with glee. His eyes slid back to the woman that had approached him. “Your daughter.”_

___________________________________________________

It was three weeks after Eddie had taken Buck to see the Lost Coast, and this was the most lost he’d felt since his arrival. 

Buck remained in bed late into the morning, after having called and left a message with Athena letting her know that he would need to reschedule the few appointments that he had for the day. He wasn’t someone that called sick into work, really ever, but especially not so soon after starting a new job. There was a probationary period and he knew that, and the last thing that he wanted was to jeopardize his job or the life that he was trying to build in Ferndale.

He pulled the blankets up over his shoulders, trying to disappear into the comfort of the blankets wrapped around him. Buck’s shoulders shook violently, feeling himself breaking down for the first time since he moved here, leaving LA behind. He tried to bury the memories and leave them miles behind him, but they still found him.

There was a dull ache clawing at his chest, and he struggled to find his breath. He reached out of the covers, grabbing the square picture frame that was beside his bed. He looked at the picture, remembering the day that they’d been taken at the playground, both Buck and Ava with cheesy grins on their faces.

“Happy birthday, Princess.” His words tumbled out so quickly that they ran together, sniffling loudly as he tried to move into a sitting position. It was then that he decided to finally turn his phone back on. With the back of his hand, Buck swiped at his tear-stained cheeks, knowing that he was about to be hit with an onslaught of text messages and missed phone calls.

Before he was able to look at them, he heard the sound of knocking on the other side of his bedroom door. “Buck, it’s Bobby, are you feeling alright? I made some chicken noodle soup, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Buck swallowed, trying to push back the sob that he could feel building. “I’m-I’m alright, Bobby. I think I just need some sleep.”

“Alright, well… if you need anything, just let me know, I’ll be around all day.” A moment later he could hear Bobby scuffling away from the door, as he made his way down the hallway. He didn’t know what he had done to receive such kindness from Bobby, but he had quickly become one of the people, aside from Eddie and Isabel, that he talked to daily. They had a genuine interest in him and in his life, even though Buck had only shared with them very select pieces of his life. 

The sound of his phone ringing pulled him away from his thoughts, staring at his phone blankly as he saw his sister’s face flash on the screen. He knew that he would only be able to avoid her for so long. And until he talked to her, she wouldn’t stop trying. “Hey Mads,” He answered hoarsely, holding the phone up to his ear.

“Evan, you sound terrible.”

Buck let out a steadying breath. “Well, what did you expect, Maddie? It’s Ava’s birthday, and I’m not able to spend it with her.”

“I really don’t think you should be alone today.” She told him carefully. 

“I’m not working today, Mads. I’m at the bed and breakfast.”

“Alone?” Maddie asked carefully. “Look, I miss that little girl too. And I know it’s different because I’m not Ava’s parent, but you aren’t the only one hurting today, Evan. And running off like you did-”

“Maddie, enough!” Buck scrubbed his hand down over his face roughly, trying to find any semblance of strength to finish the conversation with her. “ _Enough_. I don’t want to talk about it anymore today.”

“I just wanted to make sure—”

“Make sure I’m okay? That I’m handling another birthday without her okay?” Buck’s voice caught at the end of his question. “I’m not, Maddie. But I’ll get through it. I’m not made of glass,” his voice shook. “Please, I’m just asking that you give me today. We can talk tomorrow.”

“I don’t like that you’re in a strange place, without your family. I think that you really need us right now.”

“I know what you think I need, Maddie. But what you think I need and what I actually need are two completely different things. I’ll text you later to let you know I’m alright, but please don’t call back until tomorrow.”

Buck quickly ended the call. The instinct to throw his phone against the wall was there. If his phone was dead, she’d have to give him his space then, wouldn’t she?

Finally, Buck swung his legs over the side of the bed and rose to his feet. As much as he wanted to stay in his room all day, and just _disappear_ , he knew that he could only stay there for so long. At some point he had to use the bathroom, it was already twelve-thirty in the afternoon, and he couldn’t wait any longer.

Buck slipped out of his room quietly, padding down the short hallway to the shared bathroom and closing the door behind him. He caught his disheveled face in the mirror, running the water cold before splashing it on his face. He knew it wouldn’t get rid of his bloodshot eyes, but he hoped that it would at least ease the redness in his face. He dried his face with the hand towel before he slipped back out into the hallway.

“Bobby,” Buck said in surprise, glancing down for a moment before his exhausted eyes landed on Bobby’s.

“Buck,” Bobby said carefully, concern evident in his tone as he processed Buck’s appearance. It was obvious that he’d been crying. “What’s going on?”

“Bobby, I’m—” Buck tried to force the lie past his lips that he was okay, that he just wasn’t feeling well, but it fell short as he felt the familiar prick behind his eyes.

“Nobody else is here, it’s just you and me, you don’t have to hide,” Bobby told him gently, taking a few steps towards him. “Why don’t we go downstairs and have some tea?” He suggested, and Buck didn’t know why, but he couldn’t find the fight in him to argue with Bobby, so he followed him down the hallway and towards the kitchen. 

Buck followed Bobby into the kitchen, grabbing a couple of teacups for them, trying to physically busy himself to keep his emotions at bay.

“I’ll get that, why don’t we sit down while we wait for the kettle to heat up?” He suggested, motioning to the small table in the kitchen. Buck sat down wordlessly as Bobby joined him. Bobby watched Buck, trying to choose his words carefully as it was clear that he was emotional. “Do you want to talk about what’s made you so upset?”

“My daughter, today is her fourth birthday,” Buck told him reluctantly, his voice barely a whisper. 

“I didn’t know you had a daughter. You never mentioned her,” Bobby said, surprised. His eyes were unreadable as he studied Buck, hoping to find some answers there. “Do you want to tell me why that’s upsetting?”

Buck shook his head, he was nowhere near ready to talk about it. 

“I know being in a new town can be really hard, Buck. Especially when you’ve left some sort of life behind. For me, coming to Ferndale was a clean slate. I lost everything before I moved here. I lost my wife and kids in a fire and had to somehow learn how to say goodbye to that life. Being in the same city with all of the reminders of what happened, of what I had lost, it became too much for me. So, I did some searching and somehow stumbled on Ferndale. They had this house up for sale that needed a lot of fixing up, and I decided, what better way to start over than to have to actually rebuild something?”

“Bobby, I’m really sorry. I had no idea you lost your family,” Buck sympathized with the older man, the empathy in his eyes palpable. He could relate to what Bobby was saying, as he had thought the same thing. It was impossible to remain in the same life with your same surroundings when one of the most integral pieces of your life was now gone.

Bobby offered a kind smile, “Thank you.” He didn’t know what kind of past Buck had left behind. If the last several weeks hadn’t been an indicator to him that he fled his life in LA, today confirmed it. It was obvious, whatever the life was that he’d left behind, that he was trying to keep it buried deep beneath the surface. Bobby hoped that being in Ferndale around people that cared, he would finally find it in himself to open up and share a genuine piece of himself with them. An existence in which you couldn’t be yourself, or were hiding from your past, was a very lonely one.

Bobby knew that from experience.

When he fled Las Vegas after the house fire that claimed his family’s lives, he was just looking for somewhere to run away to. He wasn’t looking for a place to fit in. Bobby didn’t want to be known as the man who had lost his family in that house fire, especially since for a long time he had blamed their deaths on his negligence. The pitying looks, combined with the accusatory ones, had become too much for him to handle.

So he’d left Las Vegas with little more than the clothes on his back, and a run-down house to fix up. It had been a labor of love, and he had invested every waking hour into it.

What he didn’t expect was throwing out his back and needing to go to Ferndale’s clinic. There he met Athena, and he couldn’t pinpoint what it was about her, but he felt something in him changing. As time had passed and he was almost six months into fixing up the house that would later become Bobby’s bed and breakfast, he found himself making excuses to need to go into town to the clinic.

He needed to get his flu shot.

He tweaked his back.

He jammed his finger when he was loading boxes into the house.

He thought he needed physical therapy, so that the recurring pain in his back would stay gone.

He twisted his ankle when he went for a run.

Eventually, Bobby had admitted to himself that these were all excuses to get to see the woman that ran the clinic. And, it would be a hell of a lot cheaper if he’d just ask her out on a date as opposed to letting the co-payments rack up.

When he let go of his past and let Athena in, that’s when he felt like he’d finally begun to live again.

Bobby knew that it was too soon for him to make assumptions about Buck’s past, specifically about what he left behind. He was sure that he’d left something behind, and by Buck’s reaction to it being his daughter’s birthday, he knew she had everything to do with it. 

The tea kettle began to whistle and Bobby crossed the small kitchen to remove it from the heat. He poured both of them piping hot cups of tea before he returned to the table, sliding one of the teacups in front of Buck, bringing a bottle of honey out and placing it beside the tea. “I’m not sure how you like your tea, there’s cream and sugar, but putting honey in it has always made me feel better,” he offered.

Buck looked at Bobby, startled as Bobby had begun talking to him again. There was a dazed look on his face, and his waterlines were red-rimmed. “Black is fine.”

Bobby sat back down across from Buck, stirring a small amount of honey into his tea before he placed the spoon down on the saucer. Buck stared at the spoon blankly for a long time.

“So you left everything you knew behind when you moved here.”

“I did. It wasn’t easy, it never meant that I was able to just pretend that part of my life didn’t happen,” he said carefully.

Buck placed his hand around the teacup, letting the heat sting his hand long after it became hot, but not moving to set down the teacup. “That’s what you think I’m doing.”

“I don’t know, Buck. I’ve only known you for a little over a month. Only you can say for sure if you’re trying to pretend that your life before Ferndale didn’t happen. But I do know that it’s pretty common for people to move away from a difficult life, and try to start a new life over. And that’s okay. But running away from a problem or from your past, it doesn’t mean that it goes away just because you’ve put some physical distance between it and yourself.

“And I know that you like your space, I really try to respect that Buck. I’m just worried about you. I want you to remember that you have people here for you, if you need them.” 

Buck listened to Bobby, taking several long swallows of the black tea. He appreciated what Bobby was trying to do. It reminded him of times when he was upset or sick, and his mom would take care of him growing up. His mom had died only a few years ago, and in this moment he truly missed her nurturing.

Maybe it was because Bobby had been a parent too, and caring for others just came instinctively.

Buck thought that it had all come easily for him. The late-night feedings, the diaper changes, the cuddles when Ava was sick, and learning to put another human being before himself. But he had been so terribly wrong.

“I appreciate that, Bobby,” he admitted, “I didn’t think that I would have anyone when I got here, that was part of the appeal. Leaving behind all of the things and people that were wounding me, but I- I didn’t expect to meet the people that I have.”

“Like I told you before, Ferndale has its own appeal. For a lot of people, it’s the Lost Coast, which is an absolutely beautiful hike. For me? It’s the people in this town. I’ve never met more kind and genuine people in my life. Completely willing to drop their plans at the drop of a hat, just because they think you might need a little company.”

The lines of Buck’s lips lifted up into a weary smile, despite his sadness. “Is that where you learned it from?”

Bobby’s response to Buck’s words was simply to offer him a kind smile. “If you need a little time to deal with whatever is going on with your daughter’s birthday being today, I understand. You have to do things in your own time. But, block off your day tomorrow until two.”

“I have plans tomorrow?”

“You do.”

Buck shrugged his shoulders, simply too exhausted to argue. He took a few more small swallows from the teacup. “Alright, I guess I have plans tomorrow. What time should I be ready?”

“It’s going to be a busy morning, so I’ll have breakfast ready at 7:30. Oh, and Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your daughter’s name?”

“Ava. Her name is Ava.” 

Bobby paused, recognizing the hesitation in Buck’s voice. “Well, if you ever need to talk about Ava, I’m here, alright?”

An appreciative smile crossed Buck’s lips. “Thanks, Bobby.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

The next morning Buck woke up early and had breakfast with Bobby. He expected that today would be awkward and uncomfortable, with the way that Bobby had found him the day before. 

However, Bobby treated him like he did every other day. He greeted him with the same cheerful expression. Buck didn’t know what he had done to deserve someone like Bobby in his life, but he was so thankful that he had him in this new life that he was trying to build. 

After they finished with the quiche that Bobby had prepared, Buck and Bobby piled into Bobby’s truck. “So what’s the plan for today?” He asked Bobby with genuine curiosity.

“Do you remember when I told you that after I moved here I found a lot of satisfaction in starting over with fixing up the bed and breakfast?”

“Yeah, you mentioned it.”

Bobby pulled his truck into a driveway, weeds overtaking the edges so it was impossible to see where the driveway began and the weeds ended. “Well, I know Athena’s been telling you that your house is being worked on, and it is. I thought it would be nice if you actually got to help with it today.”

“Wow,” the word came out in a rush, struggling to form any coherent words as he looked at the house. All he had been shown were pictures of what it would look like once the work was completed. But this? It looked so run down, and nothing like he’d envisioned.

“I know it’s a little overwhelming right now. Just give it a chance, alright?” Buck shrugged in agreement as they slid out of the truck, Bobby opening the tailgate to pull out his toolbox.

As Buck closed the door to Bobby’s truck, he glanced up hearing another vehicle making its way up the gravel drive. Buck didn’t know why, but seeing the familiar truck making its way up the driveway brought a smile to his face. “I hope you guys didn’t start without me,” Eddie said as he quickly exited the truck. “Abuela sent besos. And I brought coffee for everyone.”

Buck let out an easy laugh, “Of course she did.” Eddie handed the pastry bag to Buck as he grabbed the drink tray from the truck.

“Alright, let’s head in and see where we left off, shall we?” Bobby suggested as they made their way up the steps and into the house.

Bobby’s cell phone rang just as they stepped inside and switched the lights on. He stepped away from the other two men to take the call. It was Athena letting him know that her son Harry was sick, and she wasn’t able to get away from the clinic. “I’m sorry guys I need to help Athena pick Harry up from school. He’s not feeling well,” he apologized before moving his gaze to Eddie, “Think you can manage?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Eddie assured him as Bobby stepped out.

“So…” Buck trailed off slowly, glancing around as they stood just inside the entryway to the house.

“Do you want the grand tour?” 

There was something about the easy grin on Eddie’s face, and Buck felt his stomach somersault, clearing his throat as he glanced around. 

“You’re going to give me the grand tour of my house?”

“As backward as that might seem, yes.” Eddie took the time to walk Buck through each of the unfinished rooms, tools, paint and cleaning supplies scattered throughout. They spent a few hours alternating between weeding around the outside of the house and Eddie taking measurements for the cabinets that they needed to order.

Buck watched him intently as he worked, wondering how Bobby had convinced him to come up today. “You seem to know what you’re doing.” There was suspicion clear in his voice.

“My abuelo was a carpenter. I may have picked up a thing or two from the summers I worked alongside him.”

Buck pulled out another handful of weeds and tossed it into a nearby wheelbarrow, as he wiped sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. “A man of many talents, I see.”

“Stick around long enough, and maybe you’ll see some more.” Eddie winked before he stepped back inside of the house, setting the cabinet measurements down. Buck followed him inside so they could talk more about specifics that Buck wanted.

It was after noon when they finally finished up for the day, and they’d decided after the busy morning that they had that an afternoon free of work was only fair. 

___________________________________________________

_If there was one thing that Buck wanted for his daughter, it was to not feel the weight of only having one parent to raise her. He had seen it when he was growing up, kids with single parents who struggled each and every day just to survive. Single parents who struggled to put food on the table and provide for their families, parents struggling to find the time to spend with their kids, even parents that struggled to just go through the motions._

_While he respected that and how hard those parents were fighting, he wanted more for his little family. Buck wanted Ava to look back on her childhood and think of the amazing memories with her dad, not of the person that was always missing from that equation._

_That was what he kept reminding himself of as he looked out at his back lawn. There were brightly colored yellow and red plastic pieces scattered about, along with wooden boards and an assortment of screws and other small pieces. A clear sign of the struggle that he was having as he attempted to build her a swing set that would last through her early childhood years. There had been an option of expert assembly, but Buck had reasoned that he was capable of doing it, and that the surprise would mean more if he assembled it himself._

_“You have got to be kidding me,” Buck muttered, tilting his head as he attempted to read the instructions that had come with the set. He pieced it together at a painstakingly slow pace._

_Buck glanced up as the sliding glass door slid open, looking up to where Maddie was holding Ava. “Hey little brother, do you need a hand down there?”_

_“No, I’ve got it, you just keep an eye on your niece,” He said, connecting two pieces using the power drill._

_“Buck, she needs to go down for a nap anyway. Why don’t I lay her down and I’ll bring the monitor out so we can keep an eye on her? She’ll be much more excited if she wakes up and has a swing set to play on.”_

_Buck sighed, but looked at his sister with gratitude. “Fine… thank you, Mads.” Maddie responded with a smile and nod, glad that her brother knew when to stop being hard-headed and actually listen to her. At least this once._

_She gently placed the eighteen-month-old in her crib, kissing her forehead before she walked outside with the monitor in hand, making sure the volume was turned up._

_They spent the better part of an hour and a half piecing together the rest of the swingset. “And what did we learn from this experience, Evan?”_

_Buck frowned at her wordlessly._

_“What did we learn?” She repeated with a grin._

_“Always pay for the expert assembly,” He groaned. “Thank you for helping me with this.” There was a sincerity in his voice that said he wasn’t just talking about her coming over to the house and staying with the baby while he worked._

_It was about more than just a swingset. Even though he didn’t have a partner in parenting Ava, he was lucky enough to have someone who took the time to help them regularly, to spend time with them. Whether it was a load of Ava’s laundry when Maddie stopped by for a visit, or Friday night takeout so that he didn’t have to worry about dinner, she was a constant presence in their lives._

_“No thanks necessary, that’s what I’m here for,” She promised as she pecked him on the cheek. “Now let’s go get that little girl so we can properly test out this swingset.”_

___________________________________________________

Eddie and Buck left the house to go their separate ways to shower and get ready to head into town. Buck had insisted that he was going to choose something for them to do, since he’d just been following everyone’s lead since he moved.

“Do I even want to know what you have planned?” Eddie asked as laughter wrinkled the skin around his eyes, walking around the side of his truck and in step with Buck.

“Something _fun_ ,” Buck reminded him, as they continued down the street. Eddie shook his head as he followed. “You do know how to do things other than work, right?”

“The only thing that’s down this way is—”

“The arcade, obviously.” Buck chuckled when pulled open the door to the town’s only arcade, holding the door for Eddie as he stepped inside. “We all work enough, I knew there had to be something around here to do for fun.”

“Yeah, but Buck, this place is for kids. I brought Chris here for a birthday party a few months ago,” Eddie explained, glancing around, surprised not to see a bunch of kids running around. 

Buck rolled his eyes as Eddie told him that the arcade was just for kids. “Did everyone that actually played at the party have a good time?”

“Well, yeah, but how hard is it to entertain a bunch of eight-year-olds?”

Buck felt a tight smile across his lips, “Probably about as hard as entertaining two adults. They have Pacman, pinball, and Skeeball. Come on, man.” Buck didn’t wait for his reply as he stepped further into the arcade, moving swiftly to the Pacman machine.

“Why don’t you put that on two players, and we’ll see what you’re made of?” Eddie asked, leaning his hip into the arcade machine as he watched Buck closely.

“Oh, you are so on.”

“How about a friendly wager?” Eddie suggested, biting down on his bottom lip as he studied Buck, who was deeply concentrated on the game.

Buck didn’t look up as he pursed his lips together tightly, quickly moving the joystick around. “What kind of a wager?” Buck asked in a rushed tone, peering out of the corner of his eye, letting out a shout when Pacman was gobbled up by a ghost. “Oh, come on!” He cleared his throat as though to compose himself, turning to Eddie who was watching him, an amused smirk on his face.

“We could keep it simple.” The shrug of Eddie’s shoulders was so slight that it was almost undetectable. “If I win, we go out for drinks to a place of my choice and you buy. If you win, you choose and I’ll buy.”

Buck paused, as though considering as his eyes lingered on Eddie. Eddie’s smirk faded to a smile as he waited for Buck’s response. 

Buck had spent the entirety of his day with him and found the more that he was in Eddie’s company, the more that he wanted to be around him. It was an unfamiliar feeling, and he felt an unusual calmness in his presence. He stood there, trying to remember the last time that he had gotten so lost in another person, and he couldn’t quite pin down when that actually was. Finally, a response, “Like a date?”

Eddie’s shrugged noncommittally, his fingers drumming against the edge of the arcade machine. He eyed Buck, trying to get a read on how he felt about the possibility of a date. “Just drinks,” Eddie promised, holding up a few fingers, “Scout’s honor.”

A laugh bubbled past Buck’s lips. “Were you even a boy scout, Eddie?”

“I wanted to be,” Eddie scoffed. “So, are you in, or not?”

Buck looked back at him, an easy smile crossing his lips. “Be prepared to lose, Diaz.” 

“I don’t lose.” His words came out as a promise, fingers drumming against the machine again as Buck set up the game. 

___________________________________________________

Buck’s week had gone by in a whirlwind, and he honestly didn’t know if he was upright anymore or not. He had experienced Ava’s birthday which truly felt like one of the lowest lows in a long time. He was barely able to haul himself out of bed. The only productive thing he was able to do was to cry. Cry because his Ava was no longer a part of his universe, and that reality pained him above all else. 

As much as he wasn’t ready to let everyone in Ferndale know the nitty-gritty details of his past, he was thankful that Bobby had been there. He learned a lot about Bobby because of it, and Bobby learned about a piece of his past that nobody else in town knew. 

The next day had been the opposite of what Buck had expected. He spent the better part of his day working at his house, like Bobby had done when he first moved to Ferndale. He was definitely not going to be building cabinets anytime soon, but there was something therapeutic about tearing down the old and replacing it with the new. The fact that he had done so with Eddie at his side had been an added bonus. He was becoming more and more fond of Eddie by the day, and struggled to pinpoint the day when he’d first felt the unfamiliar flutter in his stomach in Eddie’s presence.

From his experience over the last few days, Buck knew that he would be spending more time helping to transform the house into something liveable. 

With time he was letting people into his life. Oddly enough, it didn’t give him the anxiety that he expected. He actually looked forward to getting to know them more. 

So when Chimney asked if he wanted to join them for a round of drinks after work, he found himself saying yes. He didn’t know his coworkers at the clinic that well, but they all seemed to be nice enough. Buck moved to the bar, ordering himself a drink before finding them seated at a hightop table. “Thanks for the invite guys,” Buck raised his beer to Chimney, Hen, and Athena before he savored a long swallow.

“Chimney and Hen, I’ve got your beers, Athena… your moscato.” Bobby handed out the drinks, sliding an arm easily around Athena’s waist. “Does anybody need anything else?” They all let Bobby know that they were all set, and he took a sip from his drink.

“So, Buck,” Athena led the conversation as she glanced up over the rim of her wine glass. “You’ve been here a while now, long enough to start forming opinions - what do you think?”

“It’s been....” Buck trailed off slowly, his thumb grazing the neck of his beer bottle before looking back to Athena. “Surprisingly good. I was a little intimidated when I first got to town, but it’s definitely grown on me. The work I’m doing here is great. Bobby’s food isn’t terrible.”

“Ouch,” Bobby chuckled. “I know there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”

“What do you think of the nightlife around here?” Hen asked. 

“I haven’t really experienced it yet,” Buck admitted. “It’s definitely not LA, but I need to get out a little more.”

“You haven’t experienced it yet, because aside from literally the only two bars in town, it doesn’t exist.” Chimney laughed, before adding, “there are a couple of clubs outside of town, about a thirty-minute drive, if you ever want to join.”

Buck’s mind wandered back to earlier in the day, to when he’d spent the afternoon playing old arcade games with Eddie. It started with Pacman, Buck crushing Eddie in the game, but they spent the better part of their afternoon there, getting lost in the freedom of just _playing_.

Since he won the bet, it was up to Buck to decide where they would go. The most confusing part was going to be figuring out _what_ exactly they were doing. 

Buck raised his beer to Chim, a grateful smile crossing his face. “I think I’ll take you up on that, the next time you go.”

Chimney gave a small nod, swallowing the last of his beer. “We’re going next Saturday, so let me know if you’re free.” 

“What about you, Hen?”

“It’s not quite my scene, Buck,” Hen shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. “My Saturday nights are spent with Karen and Denny: family night,” She explained. 

Buck felt a hollow pang deep in his gut at Hen’s admission. “That sounds even better than going to a club.” He took the last few swallows of his beer, setting the empty bottle on the table. “Another round?”

“Athena and I are going to head out now, but if any of you end up needing a ride home… don’t hesitate,” Bobby told them, his hand finding the small of Athena’s back and resting there.

“Thanks, Bobby,” Buck said gratefully, the man’s concern for everyone around him was admirable. “Chim? Hen?”

“Yeah, I’ll have another,” Chim said.

Hen glanced down at her watch. “Alright, I can stay for one more round and that’s it.”

“Luckily you’ve joined us, Buck, so they can see it’s possible for the night to last past eight o’clock,” Chim smirked over at Hen, who glared back at him playfully.

“I’m gonna let you two sort that out.” Buck laughed as he stood up from the table. “I’ll be back with another round.” He walked to the bar, ordering three more beers. For the first night, since he’d arrived in town nearly a month and a half before, he wasn’t spending the better part of his night alone in his room; Buck had to admit, this was way better than spending another evening wallowing in self-pity.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

“Hey, Bobby?” Buck started as he took the last bite of his breakfast, setting the fork down on his plate along with his napkin. Bobby had cleared the rest of the guests’ plates and was just returning to the dining area where Buck was still seated. 

“Let me grab that for you,” Bobby took the plate before Buck could object, feeling more like he was at home, and wanting to help Bobby than he was a guest at the bed and breakfast.

Buck hesitated, as he stood there watching Bobby where he paused in the doorway, waiting for Buck to continue. “I was wondering what your plans were this morning,” Buck said, rising to his feet and pushing the chair in. “I mean, I know you have guests, but thought maybe you could spare a couple of hours?”

A pleased smile crossed Bobby’s face before he nodded his head. “Of course I can spare a few hours for you, Buck, just need to get breakfast cleaned up. What did you have in mind?”

Buck told Bobby that he wanted to spend a few hours up at the house. He had quickly come to realize that Bobby was onto something when he moved from Las Vegas. He would walk away from working on what would become his home and feel like he had actually built something. Today that felt a lot like friendship.

Buck helped Bobby clean up the rest of the breakfast, despite his protests. They did the dishes and wiped down the dining table before the two of them got ready. They took Buck’s Jeep and pulled into the driveway shortly after. 

“Looks like you and Eddie got some work done outside,” Bobby observed as he climbed out of the Jeep. The improvement over the last time that Bobby had been there wasn’t glaringly obvious, the front yard was still screaming for help due to overgrowth. However, the area in front of the house where Buck had focused his attention only days before was looking tamer.

“She still needs a lot of work, but progress is progress, I guess,” Buck observed, making his way over to the empty wheelbarrow and grabbing the pair of gardening gloves that he left there for weeding.

“Yeah, I suppose that it is,” Bobby said as he watched Buck thoughtfully, walking from where he stood beside the jeep and joining Buck at the front of the house. “So what’s the plan, boss?”

Bobby and Buck spent the better part of two hours weeding around the front line of the house. Buck noted that it was going on one in the afternoon, and he didn’t want to keep Bobby all day. Wiping the sweat from his brow, they began to pack up the gardening supplies and emptied the wheelbarrow.

The two men settled into the Jeep a few minutes later. “So, do you have any plans for the rest of your weekend?” Bobby asked as Buck turned onto the road.

“I’m going to stop at Abuela’s later this afternoon,” Buck hesitated briefly before adding, “and then Eddie and I are going out for a drink tonight.”

“Oh?” Bobby watched Buck as he drove, taking note of the significant look on Buck’s face and his tone softened. “ _ Oh _ . Well when I first took Athena out on a date, we tried this steakhouse outside of town in Belmont, called Prime. They have a really great steak, a lot more options out there than here in town.”

Buck tensed with discomfort, glancing away from the road for a quick moment as he realized what Bobby had misunderstood, “Thanks Bobby, but uh, this  _ isn’t  _ a date. Just a couple guys going out for a drink. Eddie made that clear,” He turned into the driveway, the Jeep coming to a halt. 

“Oh.” Buck wished Bobby would stop saying that, like everything that came out of Buck’s mouth was a surprise. He nearly hissed out a breath in frustration, still having no idea where they were going to meet for a drink. Buck didn’t understand why he was getting so bent out of shape with it all. “Well, if you’re going mainly for drinks, Twin Brother’s Brewing is good. They have a small menu, too, if you end up wanting to grab a bite,” Bobby continued, unfazed.

Buck finally let out a relieved breath as he climbed out of the Jeep. “That’s perfect.” He felt the invisible weight that had been weighing on his chest dissipate, and the corners of his lips tugged upward, hinting at a smile. “Thanks, Bobby, for—” Buck gestured with his hands, looking for the right words when Bobby’s voice stopped him.

“You’re welcome, kid,” Bobby made his way up the steps leading to the bed and breakfast. “I almost forgot, we were going to wait to give these to you until everything was finished.” Bobby held a keyring out to Buck before placing it in his hand. “So if you feel the urge to go there, and I’m not able to come, now you can. It is your place after all.”

Buck took the keyring from Bobby as they stepped into the bed and breakfast. “Thanks, Bobby, for  _ everything _ ,” He finished his previous thought, and with a grateful smile disappeared up the stairs. 

___________________________________________________

Buck stepped into Abuela’s later that afternoon, taking long strides to the register. “Isabel,” Buck started, “can I get my usual?”

“Do you think my besos aren’t any good, and other customers wouldn’t buy them?” Isabel asked, “they sold out.” She stopped Buck with a serious look. Buck opened his mouth to speak and then promptly closed it.

“Not coming in this morning, and not calling? Tsk, tsk,” Eddie laughed as he exited the back room, and entered the front of the diner. The pure look of sheer amusement that danced in Eddie’s hazel eyes caused Buck’s heart to stop short. What the  _ hell _ was he doing?

“No, Isabel, your besos are amazing.” Buck looked at her, mimicking a chef’s kiss. “You know I always come, so I thought you’d put my order aside.” _Like every other day._

Buck glanced up as he heard the clacking of Christopher’s crutches against the floor, moving from the table where he had been coloring and joined the three adults. “Hey, Buck!” He greeted him excitedly. “Abuela, we can give him the besos now.” 

Buck’s eyes flew to Isabel, and then to Eddie, and back to Isabel and they stayed there for a moment, waiting for her to say something. When no response came his blue orbs slid over to Christopher. “What’s that now?”

“Your besos,” Christopher said patiently, leaning over the front of the counter as he shifted his weight onto one crutch for balance and grabbed a pastry bag, handing it to Buck. “They’re your favorite.”

“Thank you, little man.” Buck set a hand on his shoulder before he looked back to Isabel. “Glad that one person in this room has my back. I would  _ maybe  _ expect this from Eddie, but you Isabel?”

Isabel shrugged her shoulders, pouring Buck a cup of coffee. “Next time,  _ call _ .”

“How did I get dragged into this?” Eddie asked with a raised brow.

“You knew the besos were there this entire time and didn’t say anything. So you are just as guilty as your grandmother,” Buck told him, adding creamer to the travel cup of coffee. “You also didn’t mention to her that you knew I wasn’t stopping by until the afternoon,” He added, unable to stop the smile that naturally crossed his lips as he talked to Eddie. He took a small sip of his coffee, before placing the lid on and turning to Chris. “Do you have your stuff together?”

“I just need to pack up my bag,” Chris explained, walking over towards the abandoned table with Buck following behind to help him. In the last few weeks, Buck had been spending a few hours on the weekend with Chris, taking him for ice cream. And damn if that kid didn’t look forward to time with Buck all week long.

___________________________________________________

Isabel glanced at Eddie with a knowing look once Christopher and Buck were out of earshot. Eddie let out a quiet sigh, “What is it, Abuela?”

“He’s a keeper,” She told him matter-of-factly, and Eddie’s groan was nearly immediate.

“Abuela.” Eddie stopped short, running a hand over his face. He turned to face Isabel then, untying the apron that sat low on his hips and setting it on the counter. “Buck is just a friend, nothing more. He’s not ready for more, and he’s definitely not interested in more  _ with me. _ ”

Isabel pursed her lips together, unconvinced. “Okay, and this  _ friend  _ of yours…” She trailed off, motioning to where Buck sat at the back of the diner with Chris as they worked on finishing a Lego structure, so they could pack his things up and head to the ice cream shop. “...comes here daily, and takes your son out for ice cream every weekend, like clockwork. I haven’t seen that kind of consistency in Christopher’s life,  _ ever _ .” She paused, drumming her fingers against the counter that separated her and her grandson.

“Oh, and could you remind me again why I’m watching Christopher tonight?”

“Buck and I are meeting for drinks,” Eddie told her tersely, catching the skin of his lower lip between his teeth as his eyes remained on her.

“You need to catch up, Edmundo,” Isabel walked around the counter so that she stood beside Eddie. She cradled his face lovingly for a brief moment before her hand dropped away. “Open your eyes, and see what’s in front of you.” Isabel urged, gently grabbed his arm for effect, turning him to face the table as Buck and Christopher finally seemed to have everything settled.

Eddie cleared his throat, ending his conversation with Isabel. Eddie scratched at the back of his neck briefly as he found Buck’s gaze. “So, uh, have him back here around five? Sugar him up as much as you want since he’s with his abuela tonight.” 

“Sounds good, man, we’ll see you in a couple of hours.” Buck waved at Eddie and Isabel as he walked to the door with Christopher.

___________________________________________________

Buck and Christopher walked the short distance from Abuela’s to the Ice Cream Factory. “So, did you decide what kind of mood you’re in today, Chris?” Buck asked as they reached the front door, and Buck held it open for him to allow him to move inside easily with his crutches. “Are you feeling like a birthday cake or like chocolate chips?” He asked as they made their way inside.

It was a cute little ice cream shop, and Buck would see why they were typically busy. There were twenty-seven different flavors, and a model train set that chugged around the border of the shop. 

“Definitely birthday cake,” Chris told him with an excited smile as they got into line. Buck glanced at the families in front of them and then back at Chris.

“An oldie but goodie,” Buck said with a nod of approval. He glanced at the menu board of flavors, deciding which one he was going to give a try. “That is actually one of  _ my  _ favorites.”

Buck felt his attention split as he listened to the family in front of them placing their order. A man who looked to be about thirty, with two little girls. One that he balanced on his hip who hadn’t quite reached the toddling stage yet, and who Buck could only assume was her older sister who appeared to be about three. 

“And what can I get for you today, sweetheart?” Buck heard the cashier asking the older girl.

“Strawberry,” Buck felt a jolt run through his body, hitting him square in the chest. He drew in a sharp breath, moving his fingers to the necklace that hung around his neck.

___________________________________________________

_ “Did you like that story, baby?” Buck asked Ava, as he extended his hand for her to take hold off. She stood up from the carpet, raising both of her arms as she looked up. _

_ “Up,” Ava demanded, and the grin that crossed Buck’s face made it clear that she was going to get her way. He scooped up the two-year-old and steadied her against his hip.  _

_ “Can you believe that a  _ pigeon  _ wanted to drive a  _ bus _?” Buck asked in mock horror as they exited the library. They had been going to Toddler Storytime for months now, and it seemed like each time that they went she was more and more interested in the story. Storytime was on Sundays, and it was a nice way to end the weekend, with a much needed Daddy-Daughter date. _

_ “Ice! Ice!” She giggled as they made their way outside into the sunshine.  _

_ “You want ice cream?” Buck let out a light laugh, shaking his head. He had decided one week to take Ava for ice cream after storytime. And four months later, they were going every single week after storytime. It had become a part of their Storytime ritual, and part of the reason that Sundays had become his favorite date of the week. _

_ Buck set Ava down as they reached the sidewalk, allowing the little girl to stretch her legs as they walked towards the Original Farmer’s Market. They rounded the corner onto Fairfax, reaching Bennett’s which was one of LA’s oldest ice cream shops.  _

_ Buck noticed that Ava’s pace had slowed, so he reached down and picked her up. “Let me guess, you want… chocolate?” _

_ “No.” _

_ He pretended to ponder the question as he tapped his chin with his free hand. “Vanilla?” _

_ “No, Daddy!” _

_ “Uhh… strawberry?” An amused grin lit up Buck’s features, as Ava began to giggle, nodding her head. Strawberry again, just like always. _

  
  


___________________________________________________

“Sir? Sir, are you okay?”

Buck felt himself standing there dazed for a moment, the panic he felt in his chest fading, but still palpable. He rubbed his hand against his chest, trying to force the unwelcome feeling away. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. I just, uh, forgot what flavor I was going to order,” Buck’s words came out rushed, watching the panicked expression on the teenager return to normal. Like she was afraid Buck was about to pass out. His fingers gripped the counter to steady himself, turning his head as he felt Christopher anchor at his side.

“My dad’s favorite is vanilla,” Chris offered, his shoulder brushing against Buck’s side. Buck looked down at Chris gratefully, his hand resting on the boy’s shoulder and squeezing gently in thanks. He felt his heart rate return to normal and let out a steady breath.

“I’ll take vanilla on a cone,” He finally said, “and then he’s going to have birthday cake on a cone.” Buck flashed a quick smile that he hoped was reassuring to the girl behind the counter. Buck slid his credit card into the card reader and waited for the beep that signified the payment went through successfully. He returned the card to his wallet as they stepped away from the counter, so the next people in line could order. 

They waited for their cones for a couple of minutes, before Buck’s gaze moved to Christopher, balancing both cones, “Do you want to sit at one of the tables outside?” 

Christopher nodded his head enthusiastically, so Buck pushed open the door with his hip, holding it for Chris to step outside first and then followed him to the table. Once they were seated he held out the cone to him, which he quickly took. “My dad is going to be so jealous.”

“And why is that?” Buck asked quietly, leaning forward slightly as though they were conspiring.

“Because you have his favorite ice cream,” Christopher explained.

“Well, guess we’d better not tell him then.” Buck winked at Christopher before licking the cone. “Our little secret.”

Christopher looked at Buck square in the eyes, “Like before you moved here?” He asked innocently, adjusting his glasses before he took another lick from the cone.

Buck swallowed slowly at Chris’ words, taking a moment to calm his racing heart. “It’s not a secret, Chris.”

“But you don’t talk about it. And if we don’t talk to dad about the ice cream, then that’s a secret. So, aren’t they both secrets?” Buck looked at the eight-year-old closely, seeing in his eyes that he just wanted to understand the difference.

Buck exhaled slowly, searching for words that would make sense to Christopher. Maybe the kid was right, maybe he was treating his life prior to Ferndale like this big secret that he was ashamed of. He remained silent as he mulled it over. “It’s not a secret that I’m trying to keep from people, Chris.” He admitted honestly, “I just went through some really hard times, and I haven’t felt ready to talk about them yet. I will when I feel ready, but I’m not there yet.” 

“That’s how I felt when my mom died,” Chris told him softly, before licking at the ice cream that was beginning to drip off of the edge of the cone and onto the picnic table below. This kid was so incredibly understanding and compassionate that it floored Buck.

“I lost my mom a few years ago, too. Sometimes it can be really,  _ really _ hard when you lose someone.”

“I still get sad sometimes, but I try not to let my dad see. He was sad, too.” Buck reached a hand across the table, gently squeezing his hand. Christopher cared so much that he tried to do everything in his power to protect his dad from his own sadness.

“That’s really thoughtful, Chris. I think your dad would want to know when you’re feeling sad. Maybe he’s feeling that way too, or maybe he could help you feel better. I don’t think that’s something you should keep from him.”

_ Fuck, Buckley. Take your own advice. _

“Okay, Buck.”

___________________________________________________

They finished their ice cream a short time later, and Buck dropped Chris back at the diner. He still had three hours before he was supposed to meet Eddie for drinks. Buck made his way up the stairs to his room, sitting on the edge of the bed. He remained still for a stretch of time, before he reached for his cell phone. In one swift motion, he clicked on his sister’s contact, and the phone was ringing. He fell back onto the bed, one hand covering his face.

“Hey, little brother.”

Buck remained quiet, two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Hey, Mads,”

“Evan…” The concern in her voice was evident, speaking her brother’s name cautiously.

Buck let out a shaky breath. “I  _ really _ miss Ava,” He confessed aloud for the first time, his voice sounding so broken and foreign to his own ears.

“I know, so do I,” Maddie said in a quiet voice, “so do I.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

Considering that he was just meeting a friend for drinks and it was made clear that it was platonic, Buck spent way too much time in front of the mirror getting ready. Eddie and Buck had decided that since the brewery that Buck had chosen for drinks was a couple of towns away, there wasn’t a reason for both of them to drive. Eddie knew where it was, so he told Buck that he’d pick him up at eight.

While he waited, Buck spent a considerable amount of time in front of the mirror getting ready. He checked his hair three times, changed his shirt and jeans several times. Finally, he settled on a shirt, and rolled up the sleeves to his elbows. Buck grabbed his denim jacket and slipped it on. Buck let out a humored laugh at himself for all the wardrobe changes, “You are such an idiot.”

Buck made his way down the steps of the bed and breakfast, grateful that it was Sunday night and everyone was checked out but him. 

“Well don’t you look sharp,” Athena complimented from where she sat on the couch with a glass of wine, Bobby nowhere to be found. “Putting yourself out there in the Ferndale dating pool?”

“Oh, hey Athena. I didn’t realize you and Bobby were going to be around tonight,” Buck said as he dropped down beside her on the empty half of the couch, shifting his body so that he was facing her. “No date… just going out for a drink with a friend.”

Athena raised her brow at his words but didn’t press any further. “Alright, if you say so.”

“So where’s Bobby?”

“He’s just finishing a few things he needs to prepare for tomorrow for breakfast and dinner, but we’ll be heading out pretty soon here. _On a date_ ,” she said pointedly.

Bobby joined them in the common room a few minutes later. “Oh, hey Buck, I thought you would have left to meet Eddie already.”

“Oh, we’re not meeting there... he’s stopping by to pick me up, that way we don’t both have to drive.” Buck noticed the silent exchange between Bobby and Athena, having an entire conversation without actually _saying_ anything.

Buck heard Eddie’s truck pull up in the driveway, and rose to his feet. Athena stopped him with a wave of her hand, “Oh, you’d better sit your butt back down and let that boy come to the door.” Buck opened his mouth to speak and looked to Bobby wordlessly for help. Bobby shrugged his shoulders.

Buck let out a sigh. “Is this really necessary?”

“He can come to the door to pick you up properly.”

“This isn’t a date.” 

“Okay,” Athena responded, her lips curled up in disbelief. “I think he can still manage to come to the door.”

“Is this what you’re like when May goes on dates?”

Bobby let out a hearty laugh at Buck’s question. “Oh, Buck. _This_ is nothing compared to when May goes out on a date. You don’t want that version of Athena, trust me on that.” 

Buck let out a sigh of relief when Eddie finally made his way up to the door, ringing the doorbell. “I’ll get that.” Bobby opened the door and smiled at the younger man. “Eddie, come in.”

Eddie thanked Bobby before stepping inside. Buck rubbed his hands together as he rose to his feet, taking several long strides towards Eddie when he observed Bobby and Eddie mid-conversation. If tonight had taught him anything, it was that Bobby and Athena had the ability to be very _parental_. “Hey, Eddie…” Buck’s voice trailed off as he joined them near the door, in an attempt to rescue Eddie. “What are you guys talking about over here?”

“Oh, uh… Bobby was just asking when I planned on dropping you back off tonight.” Buck felt like his eyes were going to roll back into his head. What was their problem? “...and reminding me that I had his number, in case we end up needing a ride.”

Buck let out a choked laugh, “I’m ready, let’s go.” This was worse than trying to get out of the house for a date when Maddie was around, and that was saying a lot.

_And it wasn’t a date._

They stepped outside, and now that Bobby and Athena weren’t hovering, Buck was able to take the time to really look at Eddie. And damn, he sure cleaned up well. He was dressed casually in a gray shirt, and Buck couldn’t help but notice how taut his leather jacket was over his broad shoulders.

Eddie averted his eyes, looking Buck over when their eyes met. Eddie chuckled nervously before walking to his truck, Buck following close behind. “Let’s do this,” Eddie flashed him a smile as they piled into the truck.

_Here goes nothing._

___________________________________________________

“I really have no idea what to do with all of these choices,” Eddie told Buck after a few minutes of flipping through the beer menu. “I keep it pretty simple when it comes to beer.”

“You said you knew where this place was…”

“Yeah, I knew where it was. Not that I’d actually been here.” Buck laughed at the confession.

“You have _been_ to a brewery before Eddie, right?” Eddie shrugged at the question. Buck paused for a moment. “Alright, well do you like a lager or an ale?”

“I like… _beer_.” 

“Oh, Eddie, this is going to be an experience,” Buck smirked, grabbing the notepads that were in the small metal bin sat atop the table for ordering flights, tearing off the top two sheets. He pursed his lips for a moment in concentration, noting the numbers that corresponded to his choices before nodding at the waitress.

“Hey, we’ve got a couple of orders for flights,” Buck winked at the waitress.

“We’ll get those right up for you. Have you boys been here before?”

“We have not,” Eddie answered, his eyes lingering on Buck after he’d winked at their waitress, his jaw noticeably tightened. After another moment he pulled his eyes away, focusing his attention on the waitress instead of Buck.

“Well, tonight is taco and trivia night. There’s a food truck that is outside that serves these amazing grilled tacos. If you guys want to try any, just let me know and I’ll go out and get them ordered for you, alright? The options are on the back cover. And if you’re so inclined, trivia starts in twenty minutes. The flights will be right up.”

They thanked the waitress when she arrived back at their table a few minutes later with the flights, and placed an order for a couple of different kinds of street tacos. “So, Buck, are you a trivia kind of guy?”

“Well, I do have quite a bit of useless knowledge that I’ve collected up here.”

“Alright, hit me with a random fact,” Eddie requested, watching as Buck grabbed a glass from the flight of beers in front of him, taking a few long swallows.

“Okay, since we’re at a brewery, let’s go with a random fact about beer,” Buck tapped his fingers on the edge of the high top table they were sitting at. “During Lent in Medieval Europe, Catholic Monks used to do ‘beer fasts’ which essentially consisted of them not eating, and drinking beer which they called ‘liquid bread’.”

Eddie let out an outright laugh at the fact. “Did you just make that up?”

“No, I swear, it’s an actual fact that I found when doing _research_ , you know, _for science_.”

Buck grinned as he watched both of Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “For science, huh?”

Buck seemed to consider Eddie’s question, the silence stretching on for a long pause.

“Well, science, or… trying to convince my parents that drinking beer wasn’t rebellious but religious?” 

“Buck, I am shocked,” Eddie laughed easily, eyes twinkling with amusement. “But what I really need to know is, did they buy it?”

Buck scoffed playfully, “they would have if it weren’t for my sister, Maddie. She ruined them for me.”

“Are you sure these are all beer? This one is… _purple_?” 

“I think that one is the Blackberry Sour IPA. Live a little, Eddie, give it a try.” 

Eddie shrugged at that, before he took a few small sips from it. “You only live once.” Buck tried to ignore the heaviness that immediately pressed down on his chest. He shifted in his seat slightly, fingers thrumming against his thigh. 

The waitress approached the table with two orders of grilled tacos in hand. “Here you go, boys, enjoy. Is there anything else I can get for you?” They let her know that they were all set before she stepped away from the table.

They stayed at the table, making small talk as they worked their way through their tacos and beers. Eddie glanced at his cell phone, making sure that his abuela didn’t need anything. “Everything alright? Do you need to go?”

“No, no, everything is fine. I was just making sure everything was good with Christopher.”

“I mean, we can go, this was way more than just the one drink you owed me,” Buck said, giving him an out.

Eddie signed the receipt before sliding gracefully from the chair. “The night is young, Buck. I’m good if you are.” Eddie and Buck both gathered their jackets, after the check had been paid, both ready to leave. 

Buck’s eyes swept over Eddie as he followed him out of the brewery and into the crisp night air. “I’m good,” he said, and a slow smile tugged at Buck’s lips, tucking his hands into his pockets as they walked down the otherwise deserted sidewalks. “I used to love the nightlife in LA, it was always busy and there was always something to do.”

“Yeah? I’m sure you miss it,” Eddie stole a glance at Buck as they walked beside each other, completely in sync, matching each other step for step.

The movement was slight, Eddie barely noticed the slight lift of Buck’s shoulder as he shrugged. “I thought I would, but I haven’t missed it like I thought I would. The thing about LA is there is always a lot to do; drinking, bar hopping, clubs. But there just isn’t any… _quiet_. There was never a lull or empty streets to walk and have a conversation with this amaz-” Buck cleared his throat, trying to count back and mentally catalog how many beers they’d actually had. “With a friend,” Buck corrected.

Eddie took in the quiet way that their footsteps seemed to echo, as they continued to walk beside each other. Eddie enjoyed the way that Buck was talking to him now, like these past few months he chiseled through his facade and was getting a peek at the real Buck.

“So, do you have any random nuggets of information about astronomy?” Eddie asked, eyes shining in the street lights as they stumbled on a deserted park. He motioned wordlessly towards a bench, watching as Buck sat down and stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“Hm, let me check the Buck Files here,” Buck chuckled, tipping his head back slightly as he looked up to the sky. He looked up at the stars silently for a few moments, his body visibly relaxed from the drinks at the brewery. Buck’s eyes shifted for a moment to the bench beside him, the bench quietly creaking as Eddie sat beside him, glancing up at the stars above. “Most stars travel through the galaxy with companions, or in clusters.”

Eddie shifted his weight on the bench as he looked up at the sky above, the clear, inky night a canvas that made bright stars seem to shine even brighter than usual. He seemed to consider Buck’s words, stealing a glance at Buck, “stars don’t want to go through their lives alone.”

A comfortable silence fell over them as Buck’s shoulder brushed against Eddie’s. “No, I suppose they don’t,” Buck whispered, lost in the beauty and the calm of the moment. In the steady rise and fall of his chest, with the heat of Eddie’s arm just barely pressed against his.

His fingers itched to reach out and grab Eddie’s hand, but he stopped himself.

He could distinctly remember the scene at the bed and breakfast before he’d left earlier, both Bobby and Athena hinting that this was a date and not just two buddies grabbing a drink together. Buck pressed his lips together, trying to sort out his own feelings, gazing up at the stars.

Buck shifted his attention back to Eddie, whose own eyes were resting on Buck in the quiet. The steady beating of his heart quickened as their eyes met, and his stomach somersaulted. There was a quiet intake of breath as Eddie pulled his eyes away through sheer force of will, glancing back up at the stars.

Buck didn’t know what this was, if he was getting his signals mixed up, or maybe he was looking into things _too much_. One thing that he did know, much like the stars traveling through the galaxy above, he didn’t want to travel through the rest of his life alone.

___________________________________________________

Buck arrived at Abuela’s as he did every other morning before his shift started at the clinic. When he began getting his coffee and besos, he would drop in for just long enough to grab his order. As the weeks had dragged by he found himself arriving a little earlier every day. Today he sat at the counter with his coffee, keeping Eddie company between the trickle of customers.

“Hey, Buck?” Isabel called as she made her way out from the kitchen, interrupting the conversation between the two men.

Buck glanced up at Isabel with a smile on his face, “What is it, Isabel?”

“Could you help me with something in the back before you have to leave?” She requested, brushing her flour-covered hands off on her apron.

“Abuela, I can help you,” Eddie scoffed quietly before turning his attention to Buck. “You know before you started coming around and became her favorite, she actually used to ask her grandson for help.”

Buck stood up, taking the last swallow of his coffee before setting the mug on the counter. He tossed his napkin in the garbage, turning his attention back to Eddie briefly. “Well, that ship has sailed, man.” He winked as he walked towards the kitchen.

“What can I do for you Isabel?” Buck asked, following behind her as the door that separated the dining area and the kitchen closed behind him.

“I need help getting these…” She trailed off as they walked further back, motioning to the bags of flour that were settled on a shelf above her reach.

“Did Eddie put these here?” Buck asked, amusement etched on his face.

“I think he likes it when I ask for his help,” Isabel said by the way of an answer, watching Buck as he moved the large bag to a lower shelf that would be within Isabel’s reach. “Did you boys have a good time the other night?” Isabel asked as she lined a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

“Uh, yeah, yeah we had a great time,” Buck smiled, remembering the night that he’d had with Eddie. They had gone for a single drink as Buck’s reward for winning their bet at the arcade. The tacos and beers had been great, but spending time in the quiet and stargazing with Eddie had been the highlight of the night. Buck hadn’t wanted the night to end.

The drive home had been quiet, and for a moment when Eddie was dropping him back off at Bobby’s, he almost thought that Eddie was going to kiss him.

He was wrong.

Isabel cocked her head to the side slightly. “You know, my Edmundo hasn’t shown much interest in doing anything other than work and taking care of his family since Christopher’s mother died.” Her eyes remained fixed on Buck, a thoughtful expression across her face. 

“I’m sorry if I’m taking up too much of his time, Isabel,” Buck apologized. It was true, as the weeks had passed he found that more and more of his free time was spent with Eddie.

“Buck, you’re misunderstanding,” Isabel said softly. “You came to town, and suddenly he’s living life again, _smiling_. Like there is more to life than Christopher and the diner, as much as he loves both of those things.”

“I don’t understand.”

Isabel let out an audible sigh as she stepped closer. They were idiots, both of them. “I’m going to have to spell this out for you, I see. You seem to make Eddie _very_ happy. He lights up when he talks about you… and I feel like when Eddie isn’t around, and we talk about him that you light up, too.”

“Isabel…” Buck trailed off slowly, realizing where their conversation was heading. 

“Do you have feelings for him?”

Buck felt his eyes narrow slightly as he looked at her. “Did Eddie say something to you about the other night? Did I make him uncomfortable?”

“Oh, Buck. Here, sit down.”

Buck sat down in the chair that she offered him, watching as she moved around the kitchen fluidly before sitting in the seat beside him. 

“You didn’t make him uncomfortable,” She assured him. Buck let out a sigh of relief at her words. The last thing that he wanted was to make things weird between them. “But you didn’t answer my question, either. Do you have feelings for Eddie?”

“I think I do, _but_ —”

“Stop, right there,” Isabel told him, placing her hand on his arm lightly. “Because nothing that you are going to say after that matters.”

“Isabel, I’m not relationship material. I’m the last person that you want with Eddie, and he and Christopher, they deserve the best. So much better than what I can give to them.” 

Buck watched Isabel frown, and felt like the conversation wasn’t headed in the direction that she’d been hoping for. “You’re very wrong, Buck. I don’t know who you were or what happened before you came to Ferndale. What I do know is that you are incredibly kind, and you care deeply. You care for Chris in such a special way… that in his entire life, he’s never experienced aside from his family. So if _you_ have feelings for Eddie, I think you owe it to Eddie to be honest about them.’

Buck let out a sigh. “Just because I have feelings for Eddie doesn’t mean that he has the same feelings for me.”

“You’re right,” Isabel conceded, “it doesn’t. I have something for you to think about, though. If you have feelings for Eddie, and Eddie has feelings for you and _neither one of you_ has the courage to put yourself out there and say something… what good does that do anyone?”

Buck remained silent for a minute, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Isabel, I have to get to work, but I’ll think about what you said, okay?”

Isabel nodded her head in acknowledgment. “Okay, Buck, but please, really think about it? Don’t sell yourself _and Eddie_ short. You both deserve some happiness.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

Buck kept running through his conversation with Isabel, and no matter how he tried to justify or explain every interaction he had had with Eddie in his head, it just felt like he was overanalyzing. He was developing feelings for Eddie. He was happier in his presence. However, Buck just didn’t want to complicate his life in Ferndale so soon.

He’d never really been great at relationships and dating. The last thing that Buck wanted was to ruin a friendship because he was _terrible_ at being in a relationship. Especially with one of the few people that he had a real connection with. 

As the weeks stretched on, they had been spending more and more time together. They saw each other daily at Abuela’s, they’d spend time together at Buck’s house, and they saw each other weekly at Christopher’s appointments with Buck. Somehow, they always managed to bump into one another regularly around town, as if they were two magnets being drawn together. 

Buck and Eddie had spent the better part of the last four hours working side by side at the house. Each time that Buck went up there, he recognized the small changes from the time before. Neither was he blind to the fact that there was extra work being done when he wasn’t around. The hope was that within the next month the house would be liveable, and Buck couldn’t help but feel excited with the idea of having something of his own in Ferndale. 

Eddie had gathered some swatches for Buck to look at and helped him to choose some decidedly neutral colors. An appointment had been made, and the kitchen cabinets would be installed within a few days. They had worked through the overgrowth of weeds outside, and Buck was actually able to see past the disaster that the house was, and finally see it for what it was: _his_.

Buck grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler, sat down on the floor and brought the bottle to his lips. He needed a short break before going back to work outside. Buck glanced at his phone, surprised to see that Maddie hadn’t called or texted since the day before. It was very uncharacteristic of her to not check in with him at least a few times each day.

He pulled up her contact on his phone, placing the call. He brought the phone to rest against his ear as he leaned his head back, eyes closed.

“H-Hello?”

Buck’s forehead creased at the break in Maddie’s voice. “Mads? Is everything alright?”

“Buck, hey,” There was a muted stretch of time as Buck waited for Maddie to continue, clearly not missing that she had avoided answering his question.

“Hey, sis.”

“What’s going on in that little town of yours?” _Small talk_.

“Oh, I just spent the better part of the day up at the house. It’s slowly coming together.” Buck’s fingers tapped against his leg anxiously.

“That’s good to hear.” Her voice sounded so tiny on the other end of the line. This was the first moment since he arrived in Ferndale that he wished to be back in LA.

“Maddie. What’s going on?” Buck asked carefully.

“Oh, nothing…”

“ _Maddie_ ,” Buck warned in a near whisper.

Maddie let out an audible sigh into the receiver. She had spent the better part of their lives, especially these last couple of years doing everything in her power to protect Buck, and that wasn’t lost on him. “I’ve just had a bad day, that’s all, Evan.”

“Why? Talk to me, Maddie. I get that I’m not _there_ , but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get to be here for you.”

Buck listened to the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “I appreciate that little brother, I do. Things are just not great with Doug right now. I -” Maddie stopped short, and in the silence on the other end of the line, she struggled to explain herself. “I don’t even know what I need to do right now. And if I don’t know, then how could you?”

“I can listen,” Buck offered. “We can figure it out together.” 

___________________________________________________

Buck and Maddie had spent a long time talking, once she finally moved past trying not to be upset for his benefit. She just found out the night before that Doug had been cheating on her. He’d been distant for a while, and she tried ignoring the signs. But she’d walked in on Doug and another woman in their bed, and her world had instantly crumbled. 

Maddie was always there for everyone she cared about, she was even there for people that she wasn’t close with in their time of need. If there was anyone in the world that didn’t deserve this, it was Maddie. Buck was sure of that. It reminded him that terrible things happened to good people more often than not. 

Maddie had been there for him every step of the way, every terrible moment of his life. What kind of brother would he be if he didn’t do the same for her? She had a lot of acquaintances from work, but most of the friends that surrounded them had been from Doug’s circle. He made his decision before he allowed himself the chance to reconsider.

Buck zipped up his duffel bag before he slung it over his shoulder and jogged down the stairs. “Hey, Bobby…” Buck said, setting his bag down. “Do you have a minute?”

Bobby smiled as he looked up the newspaper. “Sure do,” he noticed Buck’s bag sitting on the floor beside him. “What’s going on?”

“I just got off the phone with Athena. I‘m going back to LA.”

“You’re going back to LA?” Bobby asked, surprise clear in his tone. 

“ _Temporarily_ ,” Buck clarified. “It’s a family thing. My sister needs me right now, and I need to be there for her. Is it alright if I leave the stuff in my room?”

“Buck, it’s your room. Of course, you can leave your things up there. I’ll make sure it stays locked until you come back.” Bobby folded the newspaper and set it aside, turning his undivided attention to Buck. “Do you know how long you’ll be gone? Is everything alright?” 

“Everything is going to be just fine, she just needs to be around her family for a little bit. I’m only planning to be gone for about a week.”

“Alright,” Bobby conceded, “just take care of yourself, alright? Let us know if there is anything we can do.”

Buck smiled at how fully Bobby cared, “I will, Bobby. I’ll see you in a week, alright?”

___________________________________________________

“Eddie.”

“Oh, hey Bobby,” Eddie replied with a tight smile. It had been four days since Buck had left town, and Eddie wasn’t prepared for the way that he felt without Buck there. It reminded him of his life before Buck had barreled into it. His life hadn’t been bad before Buck, he had the diner, and Christopher. And for a long time, he had convinced himself that was all he needed in his life.

“I’m surprised to see you here again today,” Bobby admitted, watching Eddie as he took a few long swallows from his drink.

“Oh, ya know, being down here just helps clear my head a little bit. And it’s not like I had anything else going on tonight.”

“Uh huh,” Bobby replied with a small smirk. “It’s got nothing to do with trying to keep yourself busy while Buck is out of town?”

Eddie sighed, running a hand over the back of his neck. “Is it really that obvious?”

An amused chuckle slipped past Bobby’s lips. “A little.” Eddie turned away from Bobby and back to his current project. “So what are you working on, anyway?

“I’m just making some shelving for Buck. The cabinets just got installed, and I picked up the paint from the swatches we chose the other day. I thought I’d get started with that tomorrow, so maybe Buck has something to come back to.”

“Is there something you want to talk about, Eddie?”

“What? No, just trying to get some of the work done here.”

“You’re sure?” Bobby pressed, leaning back against the counter, studying Eddie.

“Buck used to live his life in one of the most impressive cities in the country,” Eddie shrugged his shoulders lightly, trying to shrug away the weight of his worries. “What if he decides his life in Ferndale isn’t enough anymore? At least this way he’ll come back to his house being almost finished, and maybe that will give him a reason to stay.”

“Eddie,” Bobby paused thoughtfully, “Buck did have a life in LA before he moved here. But he chose to come to Ferndale for a reason. Maybe it wasn’t what he first expected when he moved, but in the few months that he’s been living here, he’s really grown into his new life. I don’t think he’s going to decide to stay in LA, and I could be wrong. But maybe that’s something you should talk to Buck about?”

“No,” Eddie busied himself with separating the boards that he’d already stained for the shelving, “I’m not going to talk to Buck about this. This is his decision to make. Who am I to try to influence his decision?”

Bobby let out a laugh, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to be the one to put a label on what you and Buck are. What I do know for sure is that you care about him, a lot. You spend as much time together as me and Athena, and you guys are _friends_ if nothing else. I just think that it would be nice for Buck to hear from a friend while he’s back in LA, that’s all. And it couldn’t hurt for him to have a reminder of the people that are waiting back for him here.”

“Fine,” Eddie huffed under his breath.

Bobby shook his head lightly, taking a step closer before placing a light hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “There isn’t a right or wrong answer to what you two are supposed to be. Maybe it’s just friends, and maybe it’s way more than that. I’ve known you for a long time, and the friendship that you have with Buck is really special. You can’t let the fact that you might have feelings for Buck get in the way of being his friend. I just think that you should keep the lines of communication open, that’s all.” 

Eddie groaned quietly, running a hand over his face. “When did my life become so complicated?”

“It’s only complicated if you make it that way.” 

Maybe Bobby was right. Maybe Eddie was making all of this more complicated than it actually was. 

___________________________________________________

Buck was only expecting to be in LA for a week, at most. Yet he found himself needing to reach out to Athena to extend his absence from work until it had been nearly two weeks. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to return to Ferndale, but he felt like Maddie needed him so much more. She was trying to rebuild her entire life, and trying to do that in a matter of a week was damn near impossible. 

They spent their time searching for an apartment for Maddie. Searching for an apartment in LA was expensive, and exhausting. After checking out eight different locations, they finally found one that offered a short-term lease that they thought would be the perfect fit. 

Buck spent the better part of the first week trying to convince Maddie to come back with him to Ferndale, suggesting that she could stay with him once his house was done. She didn’t seem thrilled with the idea of leaving LA, her concerns about moving to a small town similar to his only a few months ago.

Maddie and Buck had spent the last few days furnishing the small apartment, and trying to make it feel like a home. After a long day of working, they finally settled on the couch polishing off the better part of a large pepperoni pizza. “I really appreciate you coming out here and helping me, Buck. You’re a really great brother,” Maddie smiled.

“I wouldn’t have been anywhere else, Mads,” Buck promised, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“You did not just kiss my forehead after eating four slices of greasy pizza.” 

Their laughter filled the otherwise quiet apartment. “You are _so_ dramatic.”

There was a quiet buzzing as Buck’s phone vibrated from where it sat on the coffee table. “Who’s that?” Maddie asked as Buck leaned forward to grab his phone, watching as he unlocked the screen.

A smile softened Buck’s features, looking down at his phone. “Oh, it’s-it’s Eddie.”

“Have the two of you talked since you left town to come help me out?”

“Not a lot, we’ve both been so busy…” Buck swallowed past the tightness in his throat as he looked down at the message that Eddie had sent: _we miss you_ , accompanied by a selfie of Eddie and Christopher, ice cream cones in hand.

“I’ve really been hoping that in these last few weeks, you’d realize how much you missed LA, and you would want to move back,” Maddie admitted, studying her younger brother. “But you clearly have something to go back to, don’t you?”

“I—” Buck started, and then glanced down at the picture on the screen, the corners of his lips pulling upward into a smile, “I don’t know, Mads. I guess I do?”

“You _guess_ you do? You should see yourself right now. You are such an idiot,” Maddie laughed. “Since when are you afraid of going after what you want?”

“I’m not afraid,” Buck scoffed, thumb tracing the edge of his phone. “It’s just complicated.”

“Is he dating anyone?”

“No…” Buck trailed off slowly.

“Are you?” There was a slight arch to Maddie’s eyebrow.

“No.”

“It sounds like the opposite of complicated. It sounds more like you being afraid.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Maddie rolled her eyes at him, grabbing his phone from the table and leaning in close. She pinched his side for a second until he finally smiled, and she took a picture of the two of them. She shoved the phone back into his hands.

Buck hesitated for a moment, looking down at the picture they took and rolling his bottom lip between his teeth. Buck responded to Eddie’s message, sending the selfie they had just taken. _I miss you too_. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

Eddie was surprised when Buck showed up at Abuela’s unannounced, two weeks after he’d left Ferndale and set off for LA. It was a Thursday afternoon, and the diner was quiet except for an older couple who sat at a table in the back, taking advantage of the early bird special. “So, not even a text to warn a guy?” Eddie teased, leaning against the counter.

Buck sat at the counter with a cup of coffee, hands settling around the warmth of the cup. “I think you could use a good surprise every now and then.”

“Is that so?”

Buck smiled before bringing the steaming cup to his lips. 

“How did everything go?” Eddie asked. Buck set his cup back down, looking at Eddie, finding Eddie’s gaze fixed on him.

“As good as could be expected,” Buck said, “My sister basically had to uproot her whole life and start over.”

“That sounds like someone else I know,” Eddie smiled.

Buck tapped his thumb against the handle of the oversized coffee cup lightly. “I tried to convince her to come back here with me, instead of staying in her apartment, all alone. But she insisted that she needed some time to figure things out, to figure out what life would be without Doug in it. I thought it might be a little hypocritical of me to tell her that she needed her family, since, uh… since we basically had the exact conversation, with roles reversed, a few months ago.”

“It’s harder when it’s not you making the decision. But if she’s anything like you, she’s going to be just fine,” Eddie assured him.

“It was really good to be able to take the time to go see Maddie, I’ve really missed her.  _ But,  _ it’s also really good to be home.”

_ Home.  _ Had he really started to think of Ferndale as his home despite still living out of a bed and breakfast? Somewhere along the way, Ferndale had become less of a place to run from his past, and more of a place to run to.

“I’m not sure who has asked about you more, Christopher or my abuela.”

Buck chuckled at Eddie’s words, “Well, I missed them both.” 

Much like he’d told Maddie, it was about the people of Ferndale. The town itself was fine, it wasn’t overly exciting, but neither was it completely underwhelming. The people that lived in the town were the ones that made it an amazing place to live.

  
  


___________________________________________________

It had been two months of back and forth between the two of them. He was the first one that officially welcomed Buck into town, and with him, things had just begun to feel so easy. So right. The conversation, the laughter, the connection; it was all  _ easy  _ with him. Buck wondered if maybe it was  _ too _ easy. 

Although things with them were easy, the definition of what they were was a bit more complicated. Were they friends,  _ just  _ friends? Were they more than that? His time away from Ferndale had only done more to blur the lines. 

Buck bit down on his bottom lip, deep in thought as he glanced out the window of the truck, riding in the passenger seat of Eddie’s truck.

“You alright over there?” Eddie asked, smiling over at Buck.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” As Eddie’s truck rolled to a stop, Buck glanced around to try to figure out where exactly they were headed. “So, are you gonna tell me where we’re going?”

Eddie chuckled at Buck’s question. “I think you can wait another five minutes, we’re almost there.”

“ _ Eddie _ .”

“Man, you are worse than Christopher, I swear,.” Eddie’s chuckle deepened into an outright laugh as he shook his head, taking the next turn.

“That kid is pretty much an angel, so that isn’t exactly offensive.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie shrugged as his eyes remained on the road, “you are more impatient than my abuela.”

“Alright, alright. No need to throw punches, man.” Buck grinned as he looked at Eddie. Buck really admired Isabel and how honest and open she was. He hoped that he could just steal a morsel of that for this moment. He had such a good talk with her before his visit with Maddie, and if he was being honest, he was surprised at how often he thought of Eddie, of how fiercely he’d missed him. Maybe Isabel was right.

Of course, she was right. He would never know if he didn’t take that leap of faith.

Buck cleared his throat as he felt a small, uncertain bounce through his leg. The humor was gone from his voice. “Eddie…  _ what  _ are we doing?”

“I just told you that you could wait.,” Eddie smirked.

“No, no that’s not what I mean.” Buck looked away from the window, studying Eddie’s face for anything that might answer his question. “What are we  _ doing _ ? Wh-what are we _ ,  _ Eddie?” Buck paused, trying to find the right words to explain his feelings. “Maybe it’s just me and I’m looking into things too much, but… I feel like what is happening with us, what we’re doing. It’s-it’s more than friendship.”

Buck watched Eddie’s mouth open and close several times, although no sound came out. Buck couldn’t tear his eyes away from Eddie when he pulled into a parking lot, not caring at this point where they ended up. If he was reading into things too much, then he would just have to live with that embarrassment and die from drinking terrible coffee at Bobby’s, but he needed to know either way. 

Eddie remained silent until he finally turned off the engine. “Buck…” His voice trailed off, hazel eyes sweeping over Buck’s face until their eyes finally met. Eddie’s lips pursed together for a moment before resting his hand against the side of Buck’s neck, his thumb gently rubbing against his jawline. “I have never felt this kind of  _ connection  _ with someone before. I really love the person that I am when I’m around you. I feel, for the first time in a really long time, like I’m  _ me  _ again. And I know that probably sounds ridiculous.

“Since Christopher’s mom died, I feel like my only identity is as Chris’ dad. And I love him more than I ever thought that I could love anyone. But if I’m being honest, I haven’t been out on a date, or connected with someone since Shannon, and things were less than perfect before she died...” His voice trailed off slowly, letting his hand drop away.. “I forgot what that was like. The rush of meeting someone new, of having a real conversation, feeling like my day is incomplete without another person. I had a lot of time to think while you were back in LA, and I was blindsided by how much I missed you.”

Buck felt his lip twitch as he tried to fight off a smile. “Really?”

He swallowed hard as he studied Eddie’s features. Buck had been waiting for this moment, for his feelings to finally break the surface. And even though Eddie had confessed to him that he felt the same way, that Buck made his days complete, he still felt an unwelcome anxiety gnawing at his gut. His inner voice telling him that he couldn’t have this, that he didn’t  _ deserve _ this.

Eddie’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips as he watched Buck. Eddie’s hands cradled the sides of Buck’s face, stilling him as Buck’s eyes closed, Eddie’s lips meeting Buck’s in an agonizingly slow kiss. Buck felt himself being swept away into it, the slow pace perfectly offset by the firm press of Eddie’s lips. Buck responded in turn, lips moving in stride with Eddie’s, his hand sliding up Eddie’s arm until his fingers traced an invisible pattern against Eddie’s neck. Buck felt like he’d been swallowed into a world where only him and Eddie existed, the music playing from the truck’s radio seemed to go silent, and the air around them buzzed quietly. Eddie pulled back, ending the kiss, and the color and noises around Buck slowly returned.

Buck let out an uneven breath as his eyes opened, glassy as they found Eddie’s. “Are you ready?” Eddie asked, and Buck couldn’t help but notice the light blush of his cheeks, his kiss-swollen lips.  _ Damn, he looked perfect like that.  _

Buck unbuckled his own belt carefully, slipping out of the truck, and walking around to Eddie’s side. Eddie was pulling out a picnic basket from the back seat. Buck raised his brow slightly, crossing his arms over his chest with a playful smile. “A picnic, huh?”

Eddie let out a quiet laugh. “I was trying to work up the courage to talk to you today, but… looks like you took care of that for me.” 

Buck grabbed the blanket from the back of Eddie’s truck before he fell in step beside Eddie. It was in that moment that Buck heard the water in the distance, and felt a distinct tightness in his chest. Buck glanced around as they walked from the parking lot. “So where are you taking me?” He asked quietly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been here before.”

“Potter Beach,” Eddie told him after a short pause. “Usually I park in the playground’s lot and walk down. It’s quieter at this end,” Eddie explained.

Potter  _ Beach _ . The fucking beach.

They had walked the Lost Coast before, and while he’d struggled a little that day, it was nothing compared to the riptide that was rushing through his body now.

Buck felt an overwhelming wave of nausea, “Oh.”

When Eddie asked Buck if he could take him somewhere, Buck wasn’t sure what  _ somewhere  _ he was expecting, but this wasn’t it. Buck’s eyes remained on the ground, as they crossed over from grass to sand. 

He fell quiet as he walked beside Eddie. “It’s just down the beach a little ways,” Eddie continued, glancing over at Buck who he noticed was considerably quieter. “You seem shell shocked with the idea of me taking you down here for a picnic?”

“No, it’s—” Buck scrambled with finding the right words, his brain and his voice seemingly disconnected, “—it’s great. Just took me by surprise, is all.” He peered over at Eddie who was watching him closely with those soft, kind eyes. Buck shuddered out an uneven breath. “This entire day has taken me by surprise.” 

“Here we are,” Eddie told him as he came to a stop to a secluded area by the beach. The pier could be seen in the distance, and they were only about ten feet from the water’s edge, where the water crept up the sand, pieces of scattered seashells left in its wake. “I’ll take that.” Eddie set down the basket before grabbing the blanket from Buck, opening it up and laying it down on the sand. “Let’s sit.”

Buck could barely feel his legs, feeling disconnected from the rest of his body, but somehow found himself seated on the blanket, watching the endless waves sweeping in.

_ Ava _ . His perfect little miracle with her bouncing curls and endless energy. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this.

_ Fuck _ . 

Buck had been able to disconnect himself from the memory of losing Ava when he first arrived in town, when they walked the short trail of the Lost Coast with Eddie. Now, it was all crashing into him, leaving him struggling to breathe.

His eyes blinked closed, tears sliding down his cheeks, listening to the waves of the deadly ocean as they crashed in.

Buck’s fingers fumbled as they moved to the necklace that hung around his neck, holding a piece of his daughter who was no longer physically with him. The necklace made with her ashes that were the only connection that he still had to her. A reminder that she would always be in his heart, but that she would never again be in his arms. 

A reminder that she was just a memory.

And that was a reality that was the most sickening of all. He would never again make another memory with her. He would never again have another lazy Sunday with her. He would never make her giggle so hard that she would squeal, making his cheeks hurt through peals of laughter.

Buck would never get another moment of being her dad, and how he missed being her dad.

He loved Ava with all of that he was, and no amount of regrets or fears or second guessings would bring her back to him.

Buck had begged and pleaded with her birth mother to not have an abortion so that she could have this amazing, fulfilled life. So that Buck could give her all of the best things in life.

He remembered pacing in the waiting room on the day that Ava was born, and he imagined the life that she would have. Her first day of preschool. Her first date. Would she be a tomboy? Would she be a bookworm? What would she be passionate about?

She had an entire life before her. And he pictured the young woman that she would grow into, going to prom, and going out on dates. Nobody would ever be good enough for her, of that he was certain. He could picture himself as the overbearing dad of a teenage girl.

None of those things had happened for Ava.

She never even experienced the first day of preschool.

That gutted him.

Buck’s mind wandered to himself standing beside a small coffin, the top closed with her photo resting on top. The room filled with sobs and condolences. 

Buck had failed. Failed to be there when she needed him the most. Failed to protect her, like any father worth a damn would. 

Nearly two years ago her life had abruptly ended. All because for just a moment, he had failed to protect her. Failed to see the danger.

Failed her.

For two years his life had been incomplete, with a gaping hole in his heart, and he felt himself beginning to bleed out now.

“Buck?” Eddie’s eyes raked over Buck’s face, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut and worsening the longer that Buck remained silent, steady tears leaving trails down his cheeks. He was looking out at the water in front of him, but his eyes were glassy and unseeing. “Buck? Are you okay?” Eddie’s voice was cautious and gentle, as though afraid of spooking a cornered animal.

The panic was rising in Eddie, a strangled sob crackling past Buck’s lips. Eddie inched closer, fingers gently wrapping around Buck’s arm forearm. “Buck? Buck, it’s Eddie. I need you to say something, okay?”

Buck sucked in a startled gasp at the contact, red-rimmed eyes finally registering that he wasn’t alone. His mouth fell open, searching for words, wanting to reassure Eddie, but not able to find the voice to do so. 

Eddie repositioned himself, cradling Buck’s wet face in both of his hands, thumbs brushing against the falling tears on his cheeks. “Buck, I need you to look at me,” Eddie could feel the short and painful breaths that were rasping past Buck’s lips, unfocused blue orbs finally settled on Eddie’s face. “We’re just going to breathe together, nice and slow, alright?”

Eddie quietly counted, not allowing Buck’s eyes to waver from his. It took a few minutes, but finally it seemed like Buck’s breathing had returned to normal, and Eddie allowed his hands to fall from Buck’s face. “Where did you go?” he asked gently, his fingers gently brushing the back of Buck’s hand.

Buck considered a lie. He could make up some far-fetched story that would explain this all away. But all he could feel now was the patience and silent support radiating from Eddie. “Uh…” Buck cleared his throat, trying to push away the raw tone to his voice. He sniffled as Eddie handed him a water bottle from the basket. He managed a weak smile as he looked at Eddie, “Thanks.”

He took a few small swallows, giving himself a moment to organize his thoughts. “I’m…  _ sorry  _ about all of this, Eddie,” Eddie shook his head, forehead creasing slightly at the apology, lacing his fingers with Buck’s, as though to give him the strength to make it through this moment. “I-I lost someone  _ really _ close to me, about a year and a half before I left LA.” Buck heard the break in his own voice, voice shaking as he tried to continue. “She drowned.”

“Oh, Buck,” Eddie’s mouth fell open slightly, his free hand moving to cover it. “I’m so sorry, and then I brought you down here—”

“Hey, Eddie. It’s okay. You didn’t know. How-how could you?” Buck shuddered again. Strong arms circled around him, hauling Buck against his hard chest. Buck’s fingers tightened against Eddie’s shirt, dampening the fabric beneath his fingertips. 

Buck felt the sobs begin to rip through to his core again, Eddie’s fingers moving in calming circles at the base of Buck’s neck, murmuring soft reassurances.

This time he didn’t feel like he was free-falling.

Eddie was there to catch him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

“So we’ll see you next week, alright?” Buck asked as he walked his patient to the receptionist’s desk. “Make sure to do the exercises I gave you twice every day, it will help us keep these visits to once a week.” 

Once he left his patient with the receptionist to set up their next visit, Buck walked to the empty dining area and break room at the clinic. 

He was starving and in desperate need of a few minutes off of his feet after a jam-packed morning. He scrolled through Instagram mindlessly for a few minutes, smiling when he saw a picture of Maddie in her new place. Buck glanced up as the receptionist, Betty, poked her head into the small room. “Buck, you have a visitor.”

Buck glanced at her quizzically. “Okay.” Betty disappeared from sight, and a moment later Eddie appeared around the corner, holding up a brown takeout bag. A smile spread across Buck’s face, as he warmed to the sight of Eddie.

“I hope I’m not intruding…” Eddie trailed off slowly. “I brought lunch.”

“You’re not intruding, just surprised to see you. I’m starving, so how about we talk over lunch?”

Eddie removed the contents from the bag before he sat across from Buck. “I wasn’t totally sure what you liked since we’ve really seemed to focus on breakfast the last few months,” Eddie chuckled. “I brought a burger, panini, a salad…”

Buck grinned. “You could have just _asked_ what I liked instead of bringing half of the menu. But a burger sounds great.” Eddie slid the container across the table to Buck. The smile on Buck’s face softened, “Thanks for stopping by with lunch.”

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie opened the container with the panini, glancing up at Buck. “I wanted to see you.” Buck glanced over at Eddie, popping a french fry into his mouth. “I always like seeing you, but, uh…” Eddie trailed off as he looked over at Buck with a meaningful look on his face. “I wanted to see how you were doing.” 

Buck glanced down at his burger, before lifting his gaze back to Eddie. “Look, I’m really sorry if I worried you when we were at the beach.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie promised. “I can handle being worried. I just need to be sure that you’re doing alright… and I just want you to know that if you do feel like you need to talk about it, or if you just need someone to sit with. I’m here, alright?”

Buck hadn’t felt comfortable enough with anyone other than Maddie since Ava’s death to be vulnerable enough to show his scars, even if just a glimpse. Yet at the beach, instead of folding into himself, he let the reality and his wounds burst through the surface. Not the entire truth, not the gritty details, but enough to actually let Eddie _see_ inside.

Let him see the hurt that’s there.

He didn’t know how Eddie knew all the right things to say, but Buck was glad that he did. In the midst of all of this Eddie had become one of his greatest sources of strength and calm.

“Thanks, Eddie,” Buck said, swallowing slowly against the tightness in his throat. He laid his hand upright on the table. “I appreciate it more than you know.”

Eddie’s eyes tracked Buck’s subtle movement, reaching out his own hand to gently trace an invisible pattern on Buck’s palm. The intimate touch sent a jolt through Buck. “There was another reason I stopped by. Chris and I were wondering if you might want to come by on Friday night for dinner. We both really missed you while you were gone, and he hasn’t stopped asking when he can see you.”

“Yeah, of course. Just let me know what time, and I’ll meet you guys over at the diner.”

Eddie stilled for a moment, glancing over at Buck as if gauging his reaction. “Not at the diner, at _my house_ ,” Eddie corrected. “Let’s say six-thirty? I’ll text you the address.”

Buck managed a nod. “Six-thirty.”

___________________________________________________

Throughout the afternoon, Buck couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie. He hadn’t been expecting Eddie to show up at his work, but it had been a nice surprise. Their relationship had taken on a new life, and so quickly, and if Buck was being honest he wasn't completely sure what that meant. They finally had their feelings out in the open though, so that was a start.

Things were still so complicated. As much as he had been developing feelings for Eddie over the past month, he wondered how fair it was to Eddie to only know half of Buck. He wanted to share the entire truth with Eddie, a part of him did, at least. Eddie was a wonderful father, and if he knew what happened with Ava, Buck wondered if Eddie would ever look at Buck the same again.

Buck tried to push the thought away as he flopped back onto his bed. He wanted to focus on all of the positives, on the fact that for the first time in years he felt interested in someone. More than that, he felt connected to Eddie, and for brief pockets of time, Buck felt like he wasn’t just the dad who lost his little girl.

Buck grabbed his phone and dialed Maddie. “Hey, sis.”

“ _Evan_.”

Buck groaned quietly, “You are seriously the only person that calls me that.”

“That just makes it more special. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, I just called to check up on you.”

“See? That’s my job and I’m not going to take this role reversal. It’s not acceptable.”

Buck laughed, “You’re ridiculous. You can’t just decide that.”

“Uh, I just did.” She was so damn hard-headed. As much as that usually drove him nuts about her, he knew that with all that she was going through with being on her own and going through the separation, that Maddie’s spirit would help her so much. “Back to the question at hand, how are you, Evan?”

“I’m… _good_.”

“If you’re so good, why the hesitation?”

Buck paused briefly, “I don’t know? A lot has changed that’s all.”

“In the few days since you left here?” Buck shrugged his shoulders even though Maddie couldn’t see him. “It’s about _Eddie_ , isn’t it?” He chuckled into the receiver at her accusatory tone.

“I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t about him,” Buck admitted.

“My love life is a trainwreck right now. So spill.”

“Maddie,” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his sister, or that they had never talked about their love lives before. There was just so much to his relationship with Eddie that he didn’t know where to start. The beach had been a pivotal moment for them, and Buck wasn’t sure if he’d scared Eddie off. But then Eddie showed up at the clinic to check on him and asked him to come over to his place for dinner. 

It had been the opposite of what Buck had expected. He couldn’t help but wonder, what had he done to deserve this level of kindness and concern from Eddie?

“Fine,” Buck caved. “It’s about Eddie. After I got back into town, I stopped by to see him at the diner, and he said there was somewhere he wanted to take me. On the drive, I told him how I felt.” Buck’s voice quieted the longer that he continued, his mind wandering to what came after their conversation.

“Did he cross a line?” Maddie asked in concern, picking up on his hesitation. 

“No, nothing like that, Mads.” Buck ran a hand over his face. “He was incredible. We kissed and it was… _it was perfect_. He just, uh, he took me to the beach. Eddie planned out this whole picnic to tell me how he felt about me, and I kinda beat him to the punch.”

The line was quiet for a long moment as Maddie processed his words. Then, “Ava?” 

“Yeah,” Buck confirmed, a tiny bob to his head. “It really hit me. He noticed that there was something wrong. He was just… _there for me._ I don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve that, Maddie. I thought it would’ve freaked him out, I was a complete mess. We didn’t talk about it after he dropped off when we left the beach. Then he showed up at work today with lunch, just to make sure that I was alright.”

“It sounds like he _really_ cares about you. Maybe he is going to be just what you need.”

“ _Maddie_ , I don’t _deserve_ that,” he said with conviction. “After everything that’s happened why do _I_ get to be happy? He invited me to dinner at his house with him and Chris, and I said yes, but—” 

“Evan, stop it. We have been over this, and over this, and over this again.” Buck heard Maddie sigh loudly into the phone. “What happened with Ava was terrible, but you don’t get to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for it. It’s okay to live your life again. It’s okay to find happiness in other people. That doesn’t mean that you’re not sad anymore, or that you don’t miss Ava. But you don’t have to be miserable forever, either. You should go to Eddie’s.”

Buck remained silent, her words hitting him like a punch to the gut. She knew him so well. She knew his worries, his insecurities, and above all she knew the overwhelming guilt and self-loathing that he’d carried with him for almost two years. “I hear what you’re saying, Maddie. I really want to go, I just… he’s _such_ a good dad. And I really like that about him,” Buck whispered.

“But?”

Buck swallowed. “It reminds me of what I’m not anymore. I’m not-I’m not a dad. I’m not Ava’s dad.”

“Buck, you will always be Ava’s dad. _Always,_ for the rest of your life. For the time that she was here, you showed her so much love. I know it’s hard to not have her around anymore, it hurts a lot some days, especially with the anniversary coming up. I can’t make you go, but I think that you owe it to yourself— owe it to Ava— to at least try to start living again. Not just going through the motions, but actually living.”

A shallow breath moved past Buck’s lips, wiping at the wetness on his cheeks. “I called you to talk about you, Mads,” Buck managed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m glad we’re not,” Maddie told him truthfully. “You spent two weeks here worrying about nothing but me. And I appreciate that, I do. But you haven’t openly talked about Ava or what losing her has done to you in two years. You pushed me so far away after it happened, and the first time that you told me you missed her was a month ago. I’m really glad you’re talking to people about it; to me, and to Eddie.”

___________________________________________________

  
  


Eddie spent the better part of the afternoon tidying the house, and trying to make sure that everything would go smoothly. He was really looking forward to having Buck over. Eddie hadn’t put any sort of effort into a relationship since Shannon. Finally, he felt _ready_ for it all. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous as hell.

“Okay, son, are you ready to help your dad cook dinner? This way I don’t burn down the house before Buck gets here.” Eddie grinned at Christopher as he followed him into the kitchen. Eddie considered a lot of choices for dinner and changed his mind half a dozen times. Ultimately, he decided to let Christopher have the final sway.

“Alright, so I’ve got the crusts all ready. You gonna show me how to do this?” 

“It’s easy, Dad,” Chris told him as he reached for the bowl with the red sauce. “You just put the sauce on, and then the cheese…. And then whatever you like on top.”

“I still say frozen pizza would have been easier,” Eddie teased.

“Abuela says that frozen pizza isn’t _really_ food and that we shouldn’t eat it.”

“Is that so?” Eddie chuckled at Christopher, allowing the boy to take the lead with prepping the pizzas. “Alright, I’ve got the oven prepared. Buck should be here in about thirty minutes, so let’s get these finished up and we’ll get them in the oven.”

“I’m glad Buck is back,” Christopher said suddenly, before glancing up at his dad. “I really missed him. He’s really nice, Dad, so make sure you’re nice to him, okay?”

Eddie opened his mouth to speak but heard the doorbell ring, eyes lingering on Chris. “I think our guest might be early. You wanna go let Buck in, and I’ll get these in the oven?” 

___________________________________________________

  
  


Buck stood on Eddie’s porch after ringing the doorbell, shoving his hands deep in his pockets, waiting for Eddie to answer. He was doing his best to take Maddie’s advice. He tried not to overanalyze their situation, but as he stood there waiting for Eddie it was hard not to let his mind wander.

The door was pulled open and a beaming Christopher stood on the other side. “Buck!”

An easy smile crossed Buck’s lips when he saw the boy. “Christopher! It’s so good to see you.” Buck leaned forward and returned the boy’s hug, giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m glad you’re not at your sister’s anymore.”

“ _Christopher_ ,” Eddie chided playfully as he walked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. “I’m sorry about that,” He apologized, although a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Please, come in.”

Buck chuckled quietly, “Seriously, no apology necessary. It was nice to have someone miss me.” He followed Eddie into the house, closing the front door behind him. “So what’s your dad making us?” Buck asked, turning his attention back to Christopher.

“Dad’s not cooking,” Christopher said.

“No?” Buck asked, crinkling his nose playfully. “Is he trying to fool me and order takeout?”

Christopher giggled, “No, Buck. _I’m_ making dinner.”

“You are?” Buck asked, surprised. “Well, whatever you’re making smells delicious.”

“Pizza!”

“How did you know that was my favorite?” Buck asked as he followed Christopher and Eddie into the kitchen. 

Buck noticed Eddie watching him, and he smiled, watching Eddie move to the oven when the timer went off, removing the two pans. Buck took in a slow breath, inhaling the savory scent of the pizza. “It’s Christopher’s favorite, too.”

Buck watched as Eddie busied himself in the kitchen, grabbing plates from the cupboards for the pizza, and then getting the glasses together. There was something so domestic about what they were doing, and Buck felt a hollow pang low in his stomach. He pushed the feeling down, not wanting sadness for what he no longer had to ruin the beautiful normalcy of the evening. 

“So, we are breaking the rules a little bit tonight and eating dinner in the living room. Chris has been wanting to see Frozen Two for a while now, and he thought you might want to watch it, too,” Eddie said.

“Of course I want to see it.” 

The three of them made their way into the living room and piled onto the couch. Although this was all so new, it also felt so right just being with Eddie and Chris. They settled onto the touch with Christopher between them, plates of pizza in each of their laps. Before the movie was over, Christopher had hunched over with his head resting on Buck’s arm, fast asleep.

“I think we’re going to have to save the rest of the movie for another night,” Eddie whispered to Buck.

Buck smiled at that. “Just let me know when.”

“I’m gonna go tuck him in, I’ll be back in a minute.” Eddie stood upright, picking up his son before disappearing from Buck’s view. Buck picked up their empty plates and glasses before walking to the kitchen, tidying up the mess so that Eddie wouldn’t be stuck with it after he left. 

“You didn’t have to clean up, Buck.”

Buck shrugged his shoulders. “It’s the least that I can do after you guys did all the work.”

Eddie laughed as he walked over to the refrigerator, pulling the door open. “Christopher did all the work,” Eddie corrected, as he pulled out a few beers. “You want a beer?”

“Sure, man.” Eddie popped the tops off of the beer bottles before holding one out to Buck. Buck accepted it, taking a long swig before following Eddie back to the living room.

“So I know this wasn’t really very _exciting_ ,” Eddie began. “But you made Christopher’s night by coming over.”

“It was really nice.” Buck slid back into the comfortable quiet of the evening, sitting so close to Eddie that their thighs pressed together.

“You made my night, too,” Eddie admitted softly, glancing at Buck. “Seeing you with Chris, it’s really special. Most people look at him differently, _treat_ him differently. You never have.”

Buck shrugged as Eddie looked for something for them to watch on television. “He’s just a kid, a really great kid. I’m sorry people treat him differently. He deserves better.”

Eddie set the remote down after being unable to find anything that piqued his interest. “How about a friendly game of Mario Kart?”

“Oh, you are on,” Buck grinned over at Eddie, a twinkle in his eye.

He could get used to this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

  
Buck walked into the common area of the bed and breakfast, yawning into the crook of his elbow. He continued towards the dining area, finding Bobby at the table along with Athena and May. Bobby glanced up when he saw the younger man step into the room. “Morning, Buck. Coffee is brewed, let me just grab your breakfast.”

“Oh, you don’t have to wait on me, Bobby,” Buck waved him off, making his way towards the kitchen. “I know where everything is. Just relax.” He stepped into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee into a large mug. He grabbed the plate of food that Bobby had set aside for him.

“You can join us if you’d like,” Bobby offered, glancing up as Buck walked back out to the dining area.

“I don’t want to intrude.” 

May’s eyes slid over to Buck, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. “It’s not an intrusion, please, sit,” May said with a pleading tone. Buck chuckled softly at May’s soft plea for him to not leave her with her parents right now, taking the empty seat next to the teenager.

Athena turned to Buck as he took a few small sips from his steaming mug. “We’re just talking about how May is going to be leaving home very soon to go to college.”

“Oh.” 

“They seem to think that I’m not capable of being a functional adult and living on campus.”

“May, that’s not what we said…” Athena said carefully. “You’re a smart girl, academically and otherwise. I just don’t want you getting mixed up with the wrong company. You know everything until you don’t anymore, and I just don’t want to see you end up in a bad situation.”

“You mean one where you aren’t in control of what happens?” May scoffed, fingers tracing the handle of her mug, eyes lowering from her parents. Bobby and Athena exchanged a silent glance.

“Your mom is just worried about you,” Bobby began. “Athena, I think we need to remember that we  _ do _ know May, even if we don’t know who she is going to be surrounded by. We know that she is a good judge of character, and if she ever ended up in a bad situation, we need to trust that she would come to us if she needed help.”

Athena opened her mouth to speak, before promptly closing it as though realizing that what she was going to say would distance May from them even more. Buck cleared his throat. “It’s a big change, but an important one. As a parent it’s hard to let your kid go,” Buck said, diverting his gaze to his coffee as he collected himself before turning his attention fully to May. “But it’s a really important part of finding your place in the world. Finding out who you are, who you  _ really _ are. I learned so much about myself during my college years. About who I was, and what kind of life I wanted to have.”

“This is what I’m trying to say,” May said, motioning at Buck before she continued, moving her focus back to Bobby and Athena. “I would hope that by now you might realize that I’m not just some reckless kid who is going to party my college years away. I move into the dorm in less than two months, so you’re going to have to wrap your head around that at some point. You being in denial and being overprotective isn’t going to change that.” 

“Sometimes you just have to let go,” Buck’s voice was just above a whisper, words directed at Bobby and Athena as he glanced at them. He took a moment, sipping from his coffee to try to organize his thoughts. “But May, you also need to understand where your parents are coming from. They’re your parents, it is their sole responsibility to protect you, as their number one priority. Letting go is  _ really _ hard, so you just have to show them that you’re ready, to help them see that it’s okay.” Buck offered her a gentle smile.

Hearing them talk about sending May off to college made Buck think of Ava. For the first time in two years, a conversation that made him think of Ava didn’t trigger a flashback to a memory of her. He still felt a hollow in the pit of his stomach. The absence of her in his universe was still destabilizing, and he was still learning how to function daily in her absence.

There remained a feeling of overwhelming sadness that he had to try not to latch onto, though not having to fend off a panic attack at the mere thought of her was comforting.

Buck dragged out of a slow breath, realizing that both Bobby and Athena’s eyes were settled on him in the silence that had fallen over the table. “I gotta head out guys…” His voice trailed off as he stood. “It will all work out, you just have to trust each other.”’

“Buck—” Athena started as Buck began to step away, standing up from the table and placing a gentle hand on his arm “Thank you. For bridging the gap,” She said softly, embracing him in a hug.

Buck’s eyes closed at the touch.

“Of course.” Buck smiled at her as he took a step back, saying his goodbyes to them before stepping out of the room, trying to sort through his thoughts.

___________________________________________________

It had been a particularly quiet day, which meant that Buck had a lot of time for thinking and self-reflection. Maybe a little too much time.

He usually tried to keep himself busy on his days off. He spent a lot of those days working at the house, which was nearing completion and would soon be ready for Buck to move in. Today he decided to not go up to the house, allowing himself to get lost in thoughts of Ava, after his conversation with the Grant-Nash family unit. 

He leaned back, propping himself up against the bed and breakfast’s porch railing. Buck was enjoying the quiet stillness of the night, looking out at the dimly lit street. He’d been sitting on the porch a while now, nursing his second beer of the night. Buck heard the front door open and close a short distance away, turning his head to see Bobby stepping outside.

“Hey, kid,” Bobby said as he walked over to where Buck was situated against the railing. “I thought you and Eddie had gone out.”

“No, not tonight.” Buck smiled half-heartedly.

“So, uh, thank you for helping us all out with the college talk earlier. Sometimes it’s hard for us to see each other’s side of things… you brought a different perspective for all of us to consider.”

“It’s not a problem, Bobby.”  _ You guys are like family _ . Buck stilled at the thought, wondering when exactly he had begun to think of Bobby and Athena as an extension of his family. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment but he knew that it had happened gradually over time. With each breakfast conversation, each afternoon working on Buck’s house, and each heart to heart conversation he had shared with Bobby and Athena.

Bobby hesitated, then, “You seemed to get a little distant there at the end, Buck.” Bobby brought his own beer bottle to his lips, watching Buck carefully as he did the same. “Everything okay?”

“I’m okay,” Buck said. “Talking about going off to college, it made me think about Ava. The hollow space that I have, it just hit me… thinking about the fact that I’m not going to have that experience with her. I lost my opportunity to make those memories. I’m just still learning how to live with that.”

Buck took another long pull from his beer. “I struggle with that a lot, too,” Bobby admitted. It took a moment for the meaning of those words to register with Buck, and he felt a tightness in his chest. Bobby had lost children, too. Of course, he struggled with all of the moments that he wouldn’t share with them. He missed his kids in the way that Buck missed Ava. He was sure that there had been more moments than Bobby could possibly recount where his mind wandered to losing his entire family and life before he’d uprooted his life to Ferndale.

“How do you deal with that?” Buck asked finally, pleading blue eyes shifting to Bobby for some sort of understanding or guidance. Buck was trying,  _ really  _ trying every day to move forward. He wondered when the sadness would release its vice-like grip on his heart.

Bobby looked at Buck sympathetically. “There’s not really an easy answer to that.” Bobby set his beer bottle down. “Time helps, but it doesn’t make missing them or wishing that I could have those memories with them go away. I try to focus on the memories that I made with them, instead of focusing on the things that I won’t get to experience with them. I focus on making memories with the people that I have in my life now, like Athena, May, Harry… and  _ you _ ,” Bobby emphasized.

Buck let out a jagged breath at Bobby’s words, trying to swallow down the emotions. How was Buck even a consideration when thinking about making memories with the people that Bobby cared about? Instead of tackling those feelings, “It sounds like you have it all figured out.”

“Buck,” Bobby paused as he seemed to consider something, “Do you want to talk about what happened with Ava, before you moved here?” He asked gently, not wanting Buck to feel pressured.

“The details aren’t important,” Buck whispered. “She’s not in my life anymore, and that’s the reality. I’m just—” Buck stopped abruptly, running a hand over the top of his head in frustration, “— trying to figure out how to navigate life without her in it. When I work, it’s easier, I have patients to focus on. It’s just on days like this, the quiet days, that it feels harder to manage.”

Bobby and Buck both glanced up as they heard a vehicle pulling into the driveway, Eddie’s truck coming to a stop as he parked. Eddie slipped out before closing the door to the truck, making his way up to the porch where Buck and Bobby were talking. “Hey, guys. I hope I’m not interrupting,” Eddie glanced between the two of them, rolling his bottom lip between his teeth unsurely, as it looked like they were deep in conversation.

“It’s fine, Eddie,” Buck assured him with a forced smile. He drained the rest of his beer, before motioning towards them. “You want a beer? I’m about to go grab another.”

Bobby set a hand gently on Buck’s shoulder. “We can talk later. I’ll go grab you guys a few beers from the fridge,” He said before disappearing into the house. Bobby walked back out a few minutes later, offering the beers to Buck and Eddie. “I’m gonna go home to my family, I’ll see you fellas tomorrow, alright?”

They said goodbye to Bobby before he left. “I felt like I was interrupting something when I got here,” Eddie admitted with a small roll of his shoulders, before gently bumping Buck’s shoulder with his own when his words didn’t elicit a response.

“We were just talking.”

Eddie pressed his lips together, arms crossed loosely over his chest, holding onto the beer bottle with one hand. “Okay, you just seem  _ sad _ .”

“I’m okay… actually, I’m really glad you stopped by.” Buck admitted as his eyes slid over to Eddie, paying close attention to the way that his jaw was set with worry. Buck set down his beer before turning his body towards Eddie, taking the beer that he was holding. He stepped in front of Eddie, his hands resting gently against Eddie’s jawline, rough with stubble. “I’m okay,” He tried again, searching after Eddie’s hazel eyes until he saw the worry begin to fade from them. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asked for confirmation.

Buck shifted forward slightly, one hand dropping from Eddie’s jaw and resting on the porch railing behind him. “Yeah,” Buck shuddered out in a shaky breath, moving in closer and into Eddie’s space. Eddie smiled, leaning into him for a quick kiss. Buck smiled as he took a step back. “So, what brings you over tonight?”

“Christopher is with my abuela for the night, I thought I’d drop by and see if you were busy.”

“What, did you want to go out tonight?” Buck asked, surprised. It was already nine-thirty, and he hadn’t been expecting to see Eddie.

“Not exactly,” Eddie said as he bent over to pick up his beer, and handed Buck his bottle. “Why don’t you come with me?” He suggested. Buck shrugged his shoulders and followed Eddie towards his truck where he pulled out the same blanket from the day at the beach. 

Buck chuckled deep in his chest, “Are we having a picnic in the dark?”

Eddie rolled his eyes at Buck, pressing the blanket against his chest with the arm that held his beer before closing the truck door. “Not exactly,” Eddie reached his hand out for Buck until he felt the warm skin of Buck’s hand press into his palm. With Buck’s hand in his own, they walked around to the backyard. Eddie released Buck’s hand, shaking out the blanket. “C’mon,” Eddie urged gently as he sat down, Buck settled beside him on the blanket.

“It’s a beautiful night out,” Eddie murmured, laying back against the blanket, hands behind his head as a makeshift pillow, looking up at the star-covered sky above them. Buck set his beer down beside the blanket before he laid down beside Eddie.

Laying beside Eddie and gazing up at the stars above reminded Buck of the night that they first went out together. Buck turned slightly on his side so that he could look at Eddie more easily. His attention shifted to the way that the soft light from the stars above provided just enough light, accentuating the soft curve of Eddie’s lips, ticked upward in a content smile.

Eddie’s smile sent a wave of warmth through Buck, and a smile easily crossed Buck’s lips.

“Thank you,” Buck said softly, eyes not navigating away from Eddie as he remained propped up on the blanket. 

Eddie looked up at Buck, his brow knit together in confusion, “For what?”

Buck thought about Bobby’s words earlier as they talked on the porch, as Bobby had talked about focusing on making new memories. “For being here,” Buck whispered before shifting forward to capture Eddie’s lips in a chaste kiss. 

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

In the two weeks since their impromptu day under the stars, Buck and Eddie had grown closer still. The increase in communications between them was obvious; a text to check-in to see how each other’s day was going, a meme that made Buck think of Eddie, a ‘thinking about you’ text, etc.

Suddenly, it all stopped.

Eddie glanced down at his phone with a frown. He hadn’t heard from Buck the entire day, and he was worried. Buck had already been a little quieter than usual for the last few days, but Eddie figured that Buck would talk to him when he was ready. It was clear that Buck was going through something over the last few weeks. Eddie found that it was a delicate balance between pushing him just enough so that he would open up and pushing him too hard which might cause him to shut down completely.

It was also possible that Eddie was reading things all wrong. Maybe this had nothing to do with Buck trying to work through something. Maybe Eddie had said or done something that had pushed Buck away and into silence. Eddie let out a deep sigh, brushing a hand over the top of his head as he looked down at the string of unanswered text messages in their conversation history.

Eddie pulled up Buck’s contact and dialed, his frown deepening when the call went straight to voicemail. “Hey, Buck, it’s Eddie… I haven’t heard from you since last night. Is everything alright? Anyway, call me when you get this.” Eddie disconnected the call, thankful that Christopher was at a sleepover for the night. 

Eddie locked up his house before piling into his truck, making the short drive to the bed and breakfast. He jogged up the steps, firmly knocking on the door. It was already after seven, and Eddie almost felt bad as Bobby pulled open the door, as he was usually on his way out by now. “Eddie,” Bobby said, surprised.

“Hey Bobby, sorry to swing by unannounced again,” Eddie began. “Could you do me a favor and let Buck know that I’m here? I’m not sure what happened, but he’s not talking to me, and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“You don’t ever have to apologize for dropping by, Eddie,” Bobby paused for a stretch of time, an uncomfortable look on his face. “But Buck’s not here.”

“What do you mean he’s not here?”

“I haven’t seen him since last night. I thought he was with you. Why don’t you come in?” Bobby suggested, opening the door wider as he stepped further into the house, Eddie following only a few steps behind him. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, I’m good,” Eddie replied tersely, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. 

“Athena said Buck took a few days off from work, that he won’t be going back until next week. Maybe he went to visit his sister?”

“Without saying anything to anyone? This doesn’t make  _ any  _ sense, Bobby. Buck wouldn’t just take off,” the frustration and worry in Eddie’s voice were evident. 

Bobby motioned to the couch adjacent to the chair that he was seated on, folding the open newspaper that he’d abandoned a few minutes ago and moved it to the side. “I don’t even have her number to check in with her.”

“Have you tried calling Buck?”

“Straight to voicemail.”

Bobby nodded his head slightly. “Okay, then there is nothing that we can do right now other than wait for him. I’ll stay here for another few hours in case Buck comes back, I told Athena I was going to hang around a bit tonight waiting for him to get back.”

“So that’s it?”

“I know you’re worried about him, Eddie. I worry about him, too, but we don’t even know that something is wrong right now. If he isn’t back by morning we’ll figure out what’s going on, we’ll do some digging, okay?”

Eddie knew that what Bobby was saying made sense. They didn’t know if Buck had just taken off for a few days to clear his head. Eddie thought that their relationship had progressed enough that he would have told Eddie if he was going away, which left him with a worry that settled deep. Although they were dating now, there was so much that Eddie still didn’t know about Buck’s past.

Usually, that didn’t bother him. But right now? It left Eddie shaken. He knew that if he went home he was just going to continue calling Buck and worrying. “Why don’t you go home to Athena? I’ll stay here till morning and let you know if he shows up.”

“Eddie, I appreciate that, I do. You should go home to Christopher tonight. We can tackle this in the morning.”

“Chris has a sleepover tonight,” Eddie explained. “Please, it’ll make me feel better if I know I’m here when he comes back.” Bobby hesitated before he recognized the helpless plea on Eddie’s face, grabbing his keys and gathering his things.

“Don’t hesitate to call or text me if something happens. I’m gonna stop by Buck’s house, just in case. I’ll text you when I get there and let you know.” Bobby said his goodbyes before he left, leaving Eddie alone to sort through his thoughts.

A short while later Bobby texted him, letting him know that Buck wasn’t up at his house. Eddie let out a deep sigh, settling back against the couch and fully expecting sleep to evade him. The majority of his night was spent pacing the downstairs of the house before returning to the couch in an attempt to sleep. At four-thirty in the morning, Eddie gave up all attempts at sleep and shuffled to the kitchen, waiting for a pot of coffee to brew.

The waiting continued after Eddie poured himself a mug of coffee, and continued into his second and third refill. He felt an overwhelming need to  _ do _ something. 

Finally, Bobby arrived back at the bed and breakfast around six. “Did you sleep alright?” Bobby asked, waking into the kitchen, looking at Eddie who had dark shadows under his eyes.

“Not a wink,” Eddie grumbled, pulling his phone back out uselessly, as Buck still hadn’t called or texted him back. They heard a knock on the door, and the lines of Eddie’s forehead creased, as it was only six-fifteen in the morning. He followed Bobby towards the door of the bed and breakfast. A minute later, Bobby was speaking to a brunette who appeared to be in her thirties. Eddie hesitated for a minute from where he stood, flanked at Bobby’s side. “Maddie?”

Eddie recognized her face from the selfies that he’d exchanged with Buck when he was staying with Maddie, trying to get her acclimated to her new place in LA. “Where’s Buck? I haven’t been able to get a hold of him in days,” She said without pause, her dark brown eyes searching Eddie’s face.

Eddie felt his heart fall at Maddie’s words. They were coming up empty everywhere they thought that Buck might be. If he wasn’t with Maddie, and he wasn’t at his house, then where the hell would Buck go? Bobby and Eddie shared a worried look. “Please, come in,” Bobby urged Maddie gently, much in the way he’d done for Eddie the night before. 

Maddie followed them inside. “Why are the two of you looking at each other like that?”

Bobby paused as he looked at Maddie, her face noticeably distorted with worry. “We don’t know where Buck is right now. He works for my wife at the clinic, and she said he took a few days off from work. He wasn’t around at breakfast yesterday and his Jeep was gone first thing. We weren’t able to get a hold of him at all yesterday.”

“I thought he would be okay here, with  _ you _ ,” Maddie let out a quiet sigh, her eyes shifted to Eddie. “I told him everything would be okay.” Eddie felt the weight of her words and they hit him with a force that he wasn’t prepared for. Eddie thought that he was good for Buck. But if he was good for Buck, some sort of positive force in his life, then why would Buck just vanish like this and not even say anything to Eddie?

Bobby eyed Maddie carefully, aware of how concerned she was. “This isn’t Eddie’s fault,” He said gently. “I understand that you’re worried about your brother, so are we, but trying to place blame isn’t going to solve anything.”

Maddie glanced at Bobby but said nothing, her eyes returning to Eddie. She breathed out a shaky breath. “He confided in you about Ava. I just, I thought—” 

Eddie was feeling more confused with each passing moment. “Who the hell is Ava?”

Bobby remembered Buck’s breakdown on his daughter’s birthday. He remembered Buck confiding that he had a daughter, but his avoidance of every other detail about her left him feeling uneasy. “Buck’s daughter.”

Eddie felt his entire body tense at Bobby’s words. “Buck… Buck has a  _ daughter _ ?” The words were strained, as a hurt expression crossed Eddie’s face. They had been in each other’s orbit for months now. Eddie had shared so much of his life, his past and his present with Buck. Why would he keep his own daughter a secret from Eddie?

Maddie’s face softened as Eddie’s reaction registered with her. “I thought— Buck said when you two were at the beach, that he confided in you. I thought, apparently wrong, that he told you about Ava.” Maddie took a steadying breath, then, “Can we sit?”

“Yeah, of course.” Bobby led Eddie and Maddie into the dining area.

“So, Buck never told you about Ava?” Maddie asked Eddie gently.

“No,” He swallowed hard against the building tightness that felt like it was closing in around his throat. “Wh-why wouldn’t he tell me about being a dad? He’s always been so great with Christopher.”

“Ava isn’t a very easy topic for him to talk about. And, if we weren’t in the situation that we’re in right now, I wouldn’t be saying anything to you about it. This is Evan’s story to tell.” Maddie glanced down at her hands, gripping the mug of coffee that Bobby had just poured for her before he sat down at the table beside Eddie. “He became a dad four years ago. He was the most doting and amazing dad to her. Ava’s mom, she wasn’t in the picture, so it was all him. I never expected him to be a dad, especially not such an incredible one.” Maddie paused, bringing the mug to her lips and taking a small sip of coffee, grimacing at the bitterness. She was thankful that the two men at the table remained wordless, allowing her to try to wade through her thoughts.

“But he was  _ incredible _ ,” Maddie’s voice broke, but she cleared her throat, clearly trying to push the emotion aside. “Two years ago… two years ago  _ today _ , we lost Ava. She, uh… she drowned,” Maddie choked out, the tears that had been building slipped down her cheeks. She sniffled, taking in a few deep breaths to try to calm herself enough to finish. “Evan never fully recovered from losing her, he’s never really talked about it. So I thought when he started opening up to you…”

“Oh-oh my God,” Eddie felt his hands tremble, thinking about Buck trying to deal with this impossible grief. 

Out there in the world.

By himself.

Instead of here, with the people who cared about him the most. 

“He…” Eddie searched for the words, trying to drag together a complete thought, but struggling. “When we went to the beach that day, he told me that someone close to him had drowned. But he never told me that it was his daughter, Maddie. I-I never...I didn’t  _ know _ ,” he choked out. 

Bobby reached over to where Eddie sat beside him, gently grasping his shoulder. “This isn’t your fault, Eddie.” Eddie bowed his head with a resigned nod before he looked back up at Bobby. “Can we get into Buck’s room, Bobby?”

Bobby let out an unsettled sigh. “I promised him that he would have privacy while he was here.”

“I get that Bobby, and I appreciate that. But-but maybe we can find something in there, some hint that will help us find him. I don’t know about you but knowing now what he’s going through, what he’s been dealing with  _ all alone _ , it scares the hell out of me.” 

“Eddie’s right,” Maddie said. “It’s been a day and a half since any of us have seen or heard from him. He could be  _ anywhere _ right now.”

“Alright,” Bobby nodded his head slightly, although he clearly didn’t like the idea of breaking Buck’s trust. “You’re right, let’s go see if we can find something that will help us find Buck.”

Eddie took in a breath trying to find some way to ground himself as he followed behind Bobby and Maddie to Buck’s room. “I just need a clue, Buck. So I can find you and bring you back,” he whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

**_** 8.30 A.M., September 7th, Bobby’s Bed and Breakfast_ **

Bobby, Eddie, and Maddie stepped into Buck’s room, which was unexpectedly tidy. “When we find Evan, I think he should come back to LA with me,” Maddie said, walking over to the bedside table and shuffling through the papers there, hoping to find something that would help them locate her brother.

Her words stopped Eddie where he stood, and he turned around, looking at her closely. “This is the life that he wants. He chose to move here, Maddie.”

“No, he chose to _run_ _away_. He just so happened to land in Ferndale,” Maddie argued, glancing up from the papers. “I thought that everything was going to be okay knowing that you were here, but I think this entire situation proves that I was wrong.”

“I understand that you’re upset and scared, we all are,” Bobby said calmly.

“You don’t even know him,” Maddie reasoned with a shake of her head, glancing around her brother’s room, trying to find something that seemed out of place.

Eddie walked over to the bed and picked up a tag that laid on the bed, catching his attention. He turned it over in his hand as Maddie and Bobby talked.

“Maybe we don’t know his full past. But for three months we have seen him every single day, talked with him every single day. Sure, he’s been guarded and not shared every moment of his past with us. But we know _Buck_.”

“This is Buck’s decision,” Eddie said finally, holding up the tag that he found on Buck’s neatly made bed. A tag for a hiking backpack. Finally, something that he could work with. He took a few steps, standing in front of Maddie. “I’m gonna bring him back. I’ll bring him back and it’s all going to be okay.”

___________________________________________________

**_** 5.30 P.M., September 7th, Somewhere on the Lost Coast Trail_ **

Buck let out a quiet groan, continuing to move forward against the challenging terrain below. The dull ache in his legs was a reminder that he’d been on his feet for the better part of the past 48 hours, except for the few hours that he’d spent sleeping overnight in the small one-man tent that he carried in his pack.

“We can do this,” Buck murmured, fingers moving to the necklace that hung around his neck. The end of the Lost Coast Trail was within reach now, after two days of hiking.

Over the last week, living his life without Ava began to feel so wrong, the demon that he’d been battling every time he tried to live his life since her death. A few days ago, it became impossible to manage. 

He’d been living his life in Ferndale, going through the motions of moving on for months now. He savored the moments that he shared with Bobby, Eddie, Christopher and all of the other people who had become important to him. But moving on felt a lot like leaving Ava’s memory behind, and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t stomach it. 

Buck felt so _lost_.

Amidst the overwhelm, he remembered the walk that he’d shared with Eddie when they walked the trail to the lighthouse. Buck recalled not believing that a place could give someone such clarity and guidance, after all, it was just a _place_. Yet he found himself driving to the store, buying one of the largest hiking backpacks that he could find and every item he could from the _‘Backpacking for Beginners’_ shopping list that he’d stumbled on after a quick Google search.

He requested a few days off from the clinic, which Athena gave to him without resistance. Buck chose not to tell anyone where he was heading. Mainly because this was something that he needed to do for himself, in solitude. How could he do that with all of the people who cared about him most trying to talk to him about it, or talk him out of it? 

Somehow Buck needed closure, and in the process to work past the crippling anxiety that the beach gave him. If nothing else, hiking beside the water for three days should do that for him. He would have to work through it, one breath at a time. 

He walked across the sand slowly, his legs feeling heavier with each step. Buck liked to consider himself fit, but he hadn’t expected just how difficult this hike would be. Buck remembered Eddie telling him about it, that he’d done it in a few days when he was dealing with the aftermath of Shannon’s death. If the hike and visiting the lighthouse had helped Eddie find some sort of peace in his hardest days, maybe it could help Buck find that too. So when Buck began his hike at the opposite end of the trail, he decided to save the lighthouse at Punta Gorda for last.

Buck walked along the clifftop that overlooked this stretch of the coast, his focus disturbed by the sound of the waves crashing down below. His footing slipped on the rocky surface, twisting his ankle gracelessly. “Shit!” He hissed, grimacing as he staggered forward.

Over the past two days, he had walked across the rocky terrain of cliffs, hiked through the ankle-high waves at the inlet along Shipman’s Coast, and surged his way through the heavy sand of the deserted beaches that he passed through along the way. Ultimately, it was the sound of the waves that had distracted him for a beat too long, causing Buck to crumple to the ground when he was no longer able to move forward.

Buck let out a jagged breath, unbuckling his pack and letting it slide off of his shoulders, setting it beside him. He would just sit for a few minutes and rest his ankle, the pain would subside and he’d be able to finish the hike. He had been hiking steadily for two days, and he was almost back to the lighthouse. Only a few miles to go. 

After resting for what felt like hours, Buck tried to stand up, shifting the weight onto his right ankle in the process. “Son-of-a-bitch,” Buck sucked in a breath at the hot flash of pain, trying to avoid shifting the weight onto his ankle. He lowered himself back onto the hard surface below, digging into his backpack for the first aid kit. “This is not what is supposed to happen,” He fumbled with a bandage that he wrapped around his ankle tightly, already beginning to feel it swell. 

He groaned heavily into his hands, looking out at the water in front of him, the crashing of the waves causing the grip on his heart to tighten. 

“Oh, Ava…” Buck murmured. “Your dad is a real mess here, right now. I really wish you were here to help me through this.” He cleared his throat as he felt the tears race down his cheeks with a vengeance, not bothering to wipe them away. There was nobody here to judge him, to be worried by his tears. There was nobody that he had to be strong for.

“I was the best version of myself with you here. And now? Now I don’t even know who I am, or how I’ll ever live up to that…” He choked out.

Buck’s eyes closed as he searched for that feeling, searched for the version of himself that died two years ago. Buck felt like the Evan Buckley he used to be was somewhere buried beneath the tides of the sea below, and not even a skilled salvage team would be able to rescue him.

If he could just remember what that was like, if he could just remember _who he was_ , if he could just channel that version of Buck that was still inside of him somewhere, then maybe he could take that first step to truly living again.

Maybe he would be able to live without the overwhelming guilt that pierced his heart when he should feel happiness. 

Buck had been building this found family since he arrived in town, and maybe that meant that his family before Ferndale never really existed.

In the moments when he laughed with Christopher as they enjoyed their Sunday ice creams, which had become a regular thing, it all felt so _wrong_. He adored Christopher, and something about that made him feel as though he was finding happiness with these new people, with this new kid, and maybe that meant that Ava never really mattered.

Buck gasped out a breath as the wind whipped against him angrily. He reached into his bag and dragged out a framed photo of him and Ava that he had packed, his thumb tracing the outline of her face in the photo. “You made life so easy, princess. _So easy._ I never had to overthink things, I never… I just knew what was best for you, for us. I feel like everything, all of this… it’s all wrong.

“I’ve met the most amazing people. Eddie, he just sparks something inside of me and I feel like I’m alive again for the first time since I lost you. It’s amazing and exhilarating. I almost told him about you, _really_ told him about you. But then, it just felt wrong. I’m not supposed to feel like that anymore. I’m not supposed to feel so _alive_ when you’re not!” Buck tipped his head forward as he felt his body begin to tremble, sobs racking his body.

The waves below crashed into the rocks below, the only sound other than Buck’s strangled sobs. His sobs faded away, until his even breathing returned, finally able to find his voice again.

“He has shown me so much kindness, and he’s been so open with me. I feel like it’s unfair to him that he has been so open with me and yet I’ve kept all of this from him. I’ve kept _you_ from him. He, uh, he lost his wife a couple of years ago. Christopher, his son, he really struggled with that. Christopher still struggles with that, which made Eddie struggle. Coming out here helped him, and I hoped it would help me too. I still feel just as lost.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Buck whispered, swiping at his tears as he looked out at where the sun was preparing to set against the backdrop of the waves. “I just wanted to find _something_ out here. Closure, peace… something!”

___________________________________________________

**_** 4.00 P.M., September 7th, The lighthouse at Punta Gorda_ **

Eddie approached the lighthouse, scouring the beach in front of him, not seeing any sign that Buck had been there. “Buck?” He called as he climbed the steps to the lighthouse. It wasn’t uncommon for hikers to stop and eat lunch at the lighthouse. He reached the top, and it was obvious that it was vacant. Buck wasn’t here.

Eddie sighed and pulled out his cell phone, letting Bobby know that he was going to be walking the trail to see if he could find Buck. He put his phone away before he continued along the beach, towards the worn path that led to the Lost Coast.

___________________________________________________

**_** 4.45 P.M., September 7th, Somewhere on the path away from the lighthouse_ **

Eddie wasn’t sure how long he’d been hiking for. After he realized where Buck must have been headed, he went home and grabbed his hiking backpack from the bottom of his closet, along with the rest of his hiking gear that had been packed away. He drove blindly to the coast and was disappointed when he didn’t see Buck’s Jeep in the parking lot near the lighthouse. Eddie pulled out his cell phone and brought it to his ear, willing Buck to answer the phone.

He sighed heavily when the call went to voicemail, slipping the phone into his bag.

Eddie’s own words echoed in his ears as he tried to sort through his thoughts. _But what always stood out to me the most when abuela was telling me this, was that they’re navigational guides. You know, not just in the physical sense, but spiritually, too. Coming out here and walking to the lighthouse, it let me sort out my thoughts and center myself again._

In all of the times that Eddie had hiked to the lighthouse, it had never been with this level of uncertainty. He was so damn worried about Buck. It was so irresponsible for him to just disappear and go hiking without telling anyone where he was headed. Anything could happen out here, and then how could they help him?

He continued to hike, with anxiety bubbling in his chest. There was so much that he didn’t know right now. If he found Buck, what was he going to find? Maddie had shared the unbearable tragedy that Buck endured. He was out here in the wilderness now, completely alone. Eddie swallowed past the wave of nausea as he thought of Christopher. He’d had his own struggles with his son, some really hard times, but to imagine having to bury him was unthinkable.

What was Buck thinking right now? 

Eddie wished that Buck had felt strong enough to share the weight of his past with him so that he could help Buck carry the weight of it. He knew that they wouldn’t buckle under the weight of it together. Life could be cruel and seem impossible when you were going through it alone, Eddie knew that from experience. Allowing Eddie to shoulder some of that weight, would give Buck some relief. Maybe just enough relief to realize that he didn’t need to keep Ava’s memory, her entire existence, buried down deep where nobody could see.

Eddie continued his hike in silence, not allowing his mind to wander into dangerous territory too often. Instead, he tried to focus on what he would say to Buck if he found him.

 _When_ he found him.

He wouldn’t be leaving without Buck. Not only because of the way that he felt about him, but because he made a promise to Maddie. He told her everything would be okay, and that he would bring Buck back.

So he would.

___________________________________________________

**_** 5.30 P.M., September 7th, Somewhere on the Lost Coast Trail_ **

As the evening began to near sunset, he felt the familiar pang of worry but forced himself to cast it aside. Buck was an adult, he could take care of himself. It would all be okay. Eddie repeated this mantra to himself, trying to push any negative thoughts aside.

He knew within the next hour or so he was going to have to stop hiking and set up for the night. There was no way that he was going to make it back before darkness blanketed the sky. 

Eddie began to hike up the path, to the plateau of a clifftop that overlooked the waves below. He took in the sight of a hiker sitting there, unmistakably Buck. He began to move forward but stopped as Buck’s voice filled the quiet that surrounded them.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Buck’s voice was barely above a whisper, not aware that he was no longer alone. “I just wanted to find _something_ out here. Closure, peace… something!”

Eddie swallowed hard, considered not saying anything. But then, “What about someone finding you out here, instead?” 

Eddie continued to approach Buck from behind. Buck’s neck craned, shifting his body at the familiar voice.

“Ed-Eddie wh-what… wh-why-” Buck scrambled with the words, lowering his eyes as he realized how utterly wrecked he must look right now. Eddie closed in the distance between them, taking off his pack and sitting beside Buck, pulling Buck against him tightly. Buck stilled against Eddie, before wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck. “How did you know where I was?”

“I didn’t at first,” Eddie pulled back, moving a hand up to cradle Buck’s reddened face. He saw Buck’s wrapped ankle and frowned. “You okay?”

“I’m so stupid, I twisted my ankle.”

“You’re not stupid, Buck. Accidents happen,” Eddie said. Buck shrugged his shoulders, remaining quiet. Eddie placed his hand on top of Buck’s, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of Buck’s hand. “It’s going to be getting dark out pretty soon, we should go set up the tent for the night and then we can head home in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Buck said in agreement. Eddie extended his hand to Buck and grasped his hand a second later. “I’m not sure how much weight I can put on my foot yet.”

Eddie gently pulled Buck to his feet. “It’s alright man, I’ve got you. We’ll figure it out, and we don’t have that far to go. Just down the hill, and the overnight camping area is right there.” He motioned down the hill and Buck nodded. Though Eddie didn’t say anything more, Buck felt like his eyes lingered on him a little too long, checking in to see if he was really _okay_. 

Eddie helped Buck put on his backpack, before slipping his own on. “Here, lean on me,” Eddie directed, helping Buck to settle his arm over Eddie’s shoulders. They slowly made their way down the hill together, moving towards the camping area that was only about half a mile away. Although it was a short distance, Buck being unable to walk on his own, and depending on Eddie for support made the walk slow.

“Eddie?” Buck asked, after they had reached the camping area, and Eddie had put up his tent.

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Thank you, for finding me,” Buck said softly as Eddie stepped closer to him, gently helping Buck stand upright, helping to keep him balanced.

Eddie placed a delicate kiss against Buck’s lips and pulled back slightly, looking Buck squarely in the eyes. “I will always find you, Evan Buckley.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the beautiful artwork for the fic [here](https://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/621997848884641792/you-found-me-by-myemergence-summary-after-a). 
> 
> A big thank you to [XJ](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/taxingninja) for helping me by betaing this
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags/triggers. There isn’t anything graphic, but please be mindful of the tags and take care of yourself if this topic is triggering

A short while after they set up the tent and ate dinner, Eddie helped Buck get settled. Helping Buck into the small tent wasn’t at all graceful, but after a short struggle, the two men laid snugly beside each other if for no other reason than because the tent was small. 

Buck told him that he could set up his own tent and sleep there for the night, but Eddie had reasoned with his injury it would be easier if they stayed together for the night. Although Buck didn’t say it out loud, he was glad that Eddie wanted to stay with him. Despite choosing to hike the Lost Coast Trail for solitude, he felt his heart aching less with Eddie there beside him.

Buck felt the gentle brush of Eddie’s fingertips against his back, moving in soothing circles. He sighed, his muscles calming under Eddie’s touch. “Hey, Buck?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Are you feeling okay?” Buck swallowed slowly. Silence. “Buck?”

“I’m doing better with you here,” Buck admitted, although he hadn’t actually answered Eddie’s question. He didn’t want Eddie to worry about him, but it had been a loaded question. Was he feeling okay? No. Was he feeling better with Eddie beside him? _Yes_. 

Buck didn’t know how to process that.

“Buck…” Eddie continued to move his fingers in the same calming motion, noticing the way that Buck relaxed a bit under his fingertips. Eddie hesitated before he pressed on, hoping that he wasn’t pushing Buck too hard. “Can you tell me why you took off and didn’t tell anyone?”

Buck sighed. “I just needed to figure some things out on my own.”

“Did you figure them out?” Eddie asked Buck, halting the motion against Buck’s back while he waited for a response. Though he had calmed down considerably since Eddie’s arrival, he could still feel the tension through his back and shoulders. 

Silence fell between them again and Buck almost expected Eddie to ask if he was still awake. “No, I didn’t. I don’t think I figured much of anything out,” he whispered. Buck didn’t want to lie to Eddie, but he also didn’t want to have to dredge up the last few days, either.

“Maybe I can help,” Eddie urged as he sat up, moving a hand to rest gently on Buck’s hip, looking down at him. “Please, let me try.”

“I don’t know how you could,” Buck said despondently as he thought about Ava, his fear of letting her go, and forgetting her. 

“ _Please_.” There was an unfamiliar plea to Eddie’s voice and Buck carefully shifted on his side until they were face to face, Eddie’s face only a hair’s breadth away. Eddie reached out, gently stroking Buck’s cheek. “Please don’t hide from me. Talk to me.”

Buck lowered his eyes. “You’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“This isn’t about whether or not I like what you have to say. I’m just asking you to please try, Buck. You said yourself that doing it alone didn’t work. So try something else, talk to me and maybe we can figure this out together.”

Buck took a deep breath as he tried to prepare himself, eyes closing as his entire body stilled. “Okay.” Eddie was right to remind him that this hike hadn’t done what it was supposed to. Buck had hoped to find clarity and peace with the past, yet all he’d found was himself injured, emotionally drained, and physically exhausted. “Shortly after I arrived in town you took me to the lighthouse at Punta Gorda. You told me how after Christopher lost his mom, how you guys really struggled and that going to the lighthouse helped you to get through that time.”

The lantern in the corner of the tent emanated a soft glow, Buck’s wet eyes shining in the otherwise dark tent. “Can you tell me what you’re struggling with so badly that you felt like only going on a three-day trek alone would help?”

An almost strangled sound slipped past Buck’s lips, and the look of worry on Eddie’s face made Buck feel like he was going to come undone. Buck searched for the right words to put it all into perspective for Eddie, to help him understand the demons that Buck had been battling since the day he came into town. “I came to Ferndale to start over.” Eddie nodded, remaining silent as if to urge Buck to continue talking. “I-I moved because I was trying to move on from my life _before_ and I couldn’t do it in LA with all of the reminders.”

Eddie’s thumb gently grazed Buck’s cheek, gently wiping at the fallen tears. “Reminders of what?” Buck felt his chest tighten, the thought of telling Eddie about his past causing his panic to swell. “It’s okay, take your time, I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie wrapped his other arm around Buck’s waist, a physical reminder to show Buck that he wasn’t alone anymore. 

“Do you remember that day when you took me to the beach?” Buck asked, not waiting for Eddie to answer before he continued, afraid that he would lose the courage if he didn’t let the words tumble out now. “You asked me what was wrong that day when we were sitting on the beach and I told you that someone close to me had died.” Buck trembled, then added, “had drowned.” 

“Yeah, Buck, I remember,” Eddie whispered, holding Buck in his embrace, moving his hand in comforting circles across Buck’s back.

“Today is the anniversary of her death.” Buck quieted, drifting from his focus on Eddie’s touch, and to Ava instead. “I came out here trying… trying to find peace. I came out here to try to let her go so I could move on with my life. Because I loved her, Eddie, I loved her so damn much. More than I thought I could love another person, and—” Buck’s voice broke as his tears spilled over. Eddie’s grip on Buck tightened, hugging him closer, letting Buck fall apart against him. “I don’t know how to let go of her. I don’t know how to be okay with letting her go and leaving her behind and _starting over_.”

“You know… you trying to move on with your life, it doesn’t mean that you’re letting her go because you don’t love her anymore. It doesn’t mean that if you were given the choice right now, that you wouldn’t choose to have her back in your life. Her death happened, Buck, and it’s obviously shattered you because you love her so deeply.” Eddie scratched his fingers against the skin on the back of Buck’s neck.

“You don’t understand, Eddie. You don’t—” Buck stopped as he let out a strangled sound, “She was _my daughter_ and I let her die. Do you- c-could you imagine if that was Christopher?”

“Oh, Buck,” Buck clung on to Eddie, holding on for dear life, Eddie’s hold remaining firm around Buck, anchoring him in place. “This isn’t your fault.”

“It was my job to protect her, Eddie, and I failed her. You shouldn’t even let me near Christopher-”

“ _Stop_ ,” Eddie whispered sternly against Buck’s ear, feeling Buck shudder in his arms. “There is nobody else that I trust with Christopher as much as I trust you, besides my abuela. You are so kind and compassionate with him, so protective and understanding, _so loving_.”

“I let my own kid die, Eds,” Buck said, shaking his head against the kind words that Eddie was trying to shower him with. “It was my one job as a father. Can you imagine not even being able to do that right? To not even be able to keep your child _alive_ because that is how terribly you failed them?”

“Buck,” Eddie hesitated, “what do you think is going to happen if you continue to punish yourself for her death?”

“I-I don’t know what you mean.”

“What are you trying to accomplish by punishing yourself, by not letting yourself move on with your life?”

“I don’t want to forget,” Buck told him without hesitation. “If I keep reliving that day in my mind, if I keep reminding myself that I’m the reason that she’s not here, if I just keep _remembering_ … then her memory won’t fall away. One of these days I’m going to forget the way that she giggled when I tossed her up in the air, or the ridiculous faces that she would make when we went for ice cream, or the way her nose would crinkle up when she was trying to get her way. She’s not here anymore, but at least I can still remember who she was in those moments.”

“She will always be alive in your heart, Buck, but not because you’re torturing yourself over her death. Instead of making yourself relive that moment, the hardest day of your life, how about surrounding yourself with the best days? Let yourself talk about her, share memories of her with the people who love you, and who would have loved that little girl if they’d ever met her. How can you best remember her laughter, when you’re forcing yourself to relive her most terrible moment of both of your lives? Do you think that’s how she would want to see her dad now? That her dad is afraid to give himself an ounce of happiness because he thinks it’s too much and disrespects her memory?” Eddie pauses, seeking out Buck’s eyes. “The best way to remember her and show her that you haven’t forgotten is to live a full life. I didn’t know her, but I’m willing to bet that she wasn’t solemn and sad, and she wouldn’t want you to live your life that way, either.”

“She was so full of life. She would walk into the room and all eyes would be on her. She was bubbly, and silly, and pure joy.” Buck buried his face in Eddie’s neck, his breath hot against Eddie’s skin as he tried to get lost in the comfort of him. “Her name was Ava,” he whispered, lips nearly brushing against Eddie’s skin before he lifted his head, red-rimmed eyes looking at Eddie.

“That’s a beautiful name,” Eddie whispered back, gently cradling Buck’s face before placing a tender kiss against his forehead, shifting until Buck rested his head against Eddie’s chest. “I’d love to hear more about her.”

For the first time in two years, Buck feels his heart open just a little bit more, talking about Ava’s life, instead of her death.

___________________________________________________

“How are we feeling this morning?” Eddie asked softly, as Buck crawled out of the tent the next morning, looking up from his spot by the small campfire. Eddie had tried to slip out of the tent without disturbing Buck, but Buck followed him out only a short time later. 

“Better than yesterday,” Buck admitted with a light smile, and it’s clear that he wasn’t talking about his ankle. He stepped closer to Eddie before sitting down beside him. “My ankle’s feeling a little rough.” He stretched his leg out in front of him, moving his foot gingerly.

“I’m glad you’re feeling a little better today. Though I’m not gonna lie, the last couple miles with that ankle of yours aren’t going to be fun, but we’ll get through it.” Eddie grabbed an enamelware mug that was filled with oats, handing it to Buck. “Here, eat.” Eddie picked up an identical mug, shoveling a forkful of the food in as he glanced at Buck.

“Thanks,” Buck nodded his head slightly, before taking a few bites.

“So, uh…” Eddie trailed off slowly, “you had some people worried when you disappeared. Bobby’s been really worried, _Maddie_.” 

_“_ Maddie?” Buck asks, looking up from his breakfast with a surprised look on his face. “How did she even get your number?”

“She didn’t,” Eddie said carefully, setting down his breakfast as he looked over at Buck. “She showed up at the bed and breakfast yesterday. She’s been really worried about you.”

Buck looked down at his oats, pushing them around with his spoon before looking back up at Eddie. “She came to the bed and breakfast?”

“She hadn’t heard from you in a few days. And with yesterday being the anniversary of Ava’s death…” Eddie trailed off slowly. “I just wanted to let you know, before we made it back into town and so you weren’t surprised when she was still there.” 

Buck sighed from where he sat beside Eddie. “I’m sorry that I made everything so complicated.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie promised. “I just didn’t want you to be blindsided when we got back into town. I just wanted you to be prepared.”

“Thanks, Eddie,” Buck shoveled another spoonful of oats into his mouth, trying to study Eddie for clues of what may have happened when Maddie was at the bed and breakfast. Maddie had been pushing for him to talk about what happened with Ava since shortly after the accident. Buck hadn’t seen the point. What was the point in talking to a therapist about losing his daughter? Talking about it wouldn’t bring her back, so he’d never really seen the point.

Until last night.

There was something different that had settled in the space between Buck and Eddie the night before; understanding, trust, and acceptance. Eddie had taken on his burden, and didn’t hesitate with the weight of it. He didn’t hesitate to let Buck know that it was okay. 

If he was being truthful, Buck was expecting judgment. Eddie was a dad— a _really_ great dad. One who was single-handedly raising this kind and smart kid. Eddie put Christopher first always, and Buck really admired that about Eddie. He didn’t even flinch or hesitate when Buck told him about Ava’s death. It didn’t even seem to be a consideration that any of it could be due to a shortcoming on Buck’s part.

They finished eating breakfast and there was barely any cleanup needed. Eddie didn’t want to waste much time before they packed up the tent and continued on the trail walk. Buck was still struggling to bear weight on his injured ankle, so the walk was slow, with Buck’s arm slung over Eddie’s shoulder, supporting him as they walked. “Hey, uh, do you mind if we stop at the lighthouse on the way back?”

“Not at all,” Eddie said, his arm slipping behind Buck’s lower back as they continued on the path. “You’ve made it this far, no reason to not finish what you came out here for.”

A short while later Eddie and Buck walked as one collective unit, taking in the beauty of the lighthouse in front of them. “Here,” Eddie started, gently helping Buck as they took off their packs, leaving them at the base of the lighthouse so that they could navigate inside more easily. “This is my favorite part, and we didn’t quite get to it last time.” Eddie helped Buck take the steps one by one until they reached the top of the stairs, stepping into the gallery of the lighthouse. 

Buck moved his arm from where it’s been resting and placed it over Eddie’s shoulder for support, as he looked out at the waves, crashing into the coast in front of them. Only a few weeks ago, the thought of looking out at the water sent tremors through Buck. Now, as he stood there, Eddie beside him with a hand on his lower back to ground him, he felt something else entirely. Buck placed both hands against the railing, using it to steady himself.

“Are you doing alright?” Eddie asked, the concern in his voice evident. Buck looked at Eddie and began to open his mouth to speak. He could get lost in those dark pools, but reflected in them he could see something else, and it looked a lot like _fear_.

“Yeah, sorry,” Buck nodded his head, before turning his gaze back to the waves crashing against the rocks at the shore. “It’s really beautiful. It reminds me of Ava.” Despite the desperate pounding in his chest at the mention of her name, Buck pushed the wave of anxiety down. “One of her favorite places to go was the beach, and I think up until now I forgot that.”

Eddie reached for one of Buck’s hands, gently squeezing. “Yeah?”

“I’ve spent so long trying to forget that day,” Buck paused, his eyes not lingering from the waves. “That I pushed aside some of the very best things about her. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to talk about her, like there was more to her than just this nightmare that happened. Maddie and I would take her down to the beach when we were able to. And Ava _loved_ it. We would take her into the water about knee-deep, and she would squeal when the waves came in.” He chuckled quietly, then for a brief moment before he stopped, his expression turned serious.

Eddie shuffled closed to Buck, noticing the drastic change in Buck’s features as he talked about Ava. “It’s okay. It’s okay to talk about her and laugh,” Eddie reminded Buck, his fingers moving gently along Buck’s jawline. “It’s okay to remember the good, the very best memories.”

“I don’t know if I remember how.” He lowered his gaze for a moment, his eyes closing as he tried to recall a memory with Ava. Buck’s eyes remained closed, listening to the rumble of waves come in. 

“She would want you to try.” 

Eddie didn’t even know Ava, but Buck knew that he was right. Ava wouldn’t want to be remembered for the way that she left the world. He would rather she be remembered for her giggles, the full belly laughs that she so easily drew from him, the way that the colors in the world around him seemed brighter in her presence. 

“It just all feels so _different_. Thinking about her and wanting to smile at a memory, allowing myself to remember it fully instead of pushing it down with guilt.” 

“Can you tell me about one of those days, at the beach?” Eddie requested gently. Buck smiled at the words, thankful to have Eddie there with him. He had spent so long distancing himself from people, trying to take on his grief and his struggles alone that he forgot what it was like to lean on someone else. There was still a part of Buck that was afraid to talk about memories of Ava, afraid of what talking about memories of her might do to him. The fear of the overwhelming hurt, sadness and grief that might swallow him whole.

Buck remained silent as he considered it.

He needed to remember that he wasn’t alone anymore, if he was going to fall back into that place, he knew that he had people here to help him out of it now. 

They all loved him enough to help him pull through it. “Okay, can we uh, can we go back down and sit on the beach for now?” He asked, motioning at his ankle which had begun to throb from standing in the same spot for so long. Eddie helped Buck down the stairs, and they settled on a sandy spot just in front of the lighthouse. The wind was blowing gently as they settled on the beach. Buck stretched his legs out in front of him, letting his hand slip into Eddie’s upturned palm.

“I always loved coming to the beach,” Buck cringed at the admission, thinking of the way that being near the water had sent a surge of anxiety through him. “I mean, before Ava’s accident. That was one of my favorite things about moving to California, being so close to the water. Maddie and I used to come down to the beach, we’d go swimming, play volleyball, have a picnic with friends, or whatever…”

“That sounds nice,” Eddie said, eyes focused on Buck as though trying to speculate if there was something else that he could be doing that would help. “It’s one of my favorite things about Ferndale, being so close to the coast.”

“So, when I had Ava…” Buck trailed off slowly, turning his head slightly so that he was looking at Eddie, the uncertainty in Buck’s eyes easy to read. “I wanted to share that with her, too. I wanted her to have those really great memories. So we would go down there on free weekends, or holidays. It was never anything extravagant, especially lugging around a toddler,” Buck said, before looking out at the water. 

“There was this one day that I remember because it just seemed _so special_ at the time. On the weekends, the beach could be really busy. So Maddie took time off from working at the hospital, and I took the day off, too. We spent the entire day making memories with Ava. We got up early, and Maddie made us pancakes at my house for breakfast because they were Ava’s favorite. Of course, Maddie made chocolate chip ones, and Ava was an absolute mess. We packed everything up in the Jeep and drove down to the beach. We made sandcastles with Ava,” Buck let out a cautious laugh, as if afraid of what would happen if he found happiness in a memory with Ava. “Until she acted like Godzilla and knocked them all over.”

The hard lines of worry on Eddie’s face softened as he laughed, imagining a tiny version of Buck obliterating the neatly-made sandcastles. “She wanted the world to know she was a force.”

“After she was done tormenting all of the residents of her sandcastle village, we walked down to the edge of the water. She squealed with laughter when the waves came in. We went waist-deep in the water and splashed around. After we were completely and properly soaked, we walked along the beach collecting a few seashells. Then Maddie had the great idea to sugar her up, because a day with Aunt Maddie wouldn’t be complete without that, so we spoiled dinner with ice cream.” Eddie’s thumb brushed over the back of Buck’s hand, watching as Buck’s eyes lowered, as though he was preparing to withdraw again, into himself.

“It sounds like a perfect day,” Eddie murmured, pulling their interlaced hands closer to him, tugging gently on Buck’s arm, as though to bring him back to the present. “I bet you gave her a lot of perfect days, Buck. I know it’s hard right now to talk about her, that it probably hurts like hell still - just know that as you’re ready, I want to hear all about her. The things that made her laugh, the things that drove you crazy, the things that she loved without caution, your favorite things about her, all of the special things you did with her.”

“Eddie, you don’t have to listen to me talk about her all the time, I’m okay.”

“I want to listen to you talk about her. And...like with you loving the beach and that being a part of you that you pushed down for the last few years, how many other parts of yourself have you drowned out? How many things don’t I know about you yet because you haven’t shared this huge part of who you are? Those things about Ava, those memories, they’re as much a part of who you are as they are who she was.”

Buck nodded at Eddie’s words. There were a lot of things about himself that reminded him of Ava, so he’d just let them become a part of his past. “She is a huge part of who I am, even though she isn’t here anymore. I-” Buck’s fingers moved to the necklace hidden beneath his shirt, and gently pulled it out. “I always carry her with me.” 

Eddie shifted forward to get a more clear look at the remembrance necklace, his thumb brushing against the twists of the anchor that hung around his neck. “She’s your anchor,” the corner of Eddie’s lip turned upward into a smile.

“There’s something I want to show you, I just need to grab it from my pack.” Eddie moved before Buck had the chance, grabbing Buck’s hiking backpack and bringing it over to him. He sat back down beside Buck, eyes watching him with interest. Buck paused as a bittersweet smile crossed his face, a fusion of happy and sad. “This,” Buck said, gently handing Eddie a framed photo from his pack, “is Ava.”

“Buck,” Eddie whispered, gently cradling the photo of the little girl, with blond ringlets surrounding her face, a grin that carried all the way to vibrant blue eyes. “She was your mini-me.” Eddie studied the photo in the frame thoroughly before looking at Buck. “Thank you. For sharing this with me, for trusting me enough to tell me about your best days with her, for believing that I’m someone you can share Ava with.”

“No, Eddie, thank you for coming out here, for… for finding me, for helping me see that even if it’s not easy right now, that I can talk about her, that she can still be a part of my life.” Buck moved forward, pressing a delicate kiss against Eddie’s lips. 

___________________________________________________

After they left the lighthouse it took Buck and Eddie another couple of hours to make it back to Eddie’s truck. Eddie helped get Buck settled in the seat and loaded their gear into the back of the truck. Eddie texted Bobby and Maddie, letting them know that they were finally in the truck, and they would be heading back into town shortly. “Do you think they’re upset with me?” Buck asked as Eddie started the truck.

“What?”

“Bobby and Maddie. Do you think they’re upset that I took off and didn’t say anything to them?”

“I don’t think they’re angry at you. We were all just… _scared_ when we didn’t know where you were, and we couldn’t get a hold of you. It’ll all be forgotten when they see that you’re alright.”

Buck nodded before he peered out the window distractedly. “More or less, anyway.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“What did Maddie say to you when she showed up at the bed and breakfast?”

“ _Buck_.”

“Eddie,” Buck countered, his gaze moving to Eddie and studying him with a serious look as he drove back towards town. “Did you know about Ava before you found me?”

Eddie let out a small, resigned sigh. “Yeah, I did. She told us that it was the anniversary of her death, and that she was worried about you. And when we hadn’t been able to get a hold of you either…”

Buck nodded, if only slightly. “Why did you act like you didn’t know about her?”

“I—” Eddie paused, coming to a stop when he reached the next light, taking the time to piece together his thoughts. “I appreciated Maddie telling me, so I knew what I needed to do to find you. But I wanted _you_ to tell me, Buck. I wanted _you_ to confide in me, to share that part of your life with me. I didn’t think it was fair to bombard you with what Maddie told me. I hoped that you would tell me when you were ready. I hoped that you would realize you could open up to me… _and you did._ ”

Buck was silent as he soaked in Eddie’s words, wondering how he’d been lucky enough to find someone so thoughtful and kind, so focused on Buck’s own feelings. Buck turned his attention back to the road. “Eddie, you missed the turn for Bobby’s.”

“We aren’t going to Bobby’s.”

“Then where are we going?” Buck asked reluctantly.

“ _Home_.”


	14. Chapter 14

Buck was thankful that after all the exhaustion of the last few days, Eddie didn’t take him straight to the bed and breakfast. As much as he loved Bobby and Maddie, he’d only really started to talk about Ava and needed a bit more time to decompress. They arrived back at Eddie’s shortly after noon, and Eddie had already informed Bobby and Maddie that he’d have Buck back in time for dinner at the bed and breakfast.

Eddie made them both lunch and after they had both eaten they settled on the couch. “Thanks,” Buck murmured, his tall frame stretched out on the couch, facing the television with his head resting in Eddie’s lap. “For this.”

Eddie glanced down at Buck, leaning down to press a kiss against his forehead. “You deserve a little time. And if I’m being perfectly honest?” He chuckled softly, running his fingers through Buck’s hair soothingly. “It’s mostly because I just wanted a little time with you before I have to share.”

The corner of Buck’s mouth twitched into a tiny smile. “Eddie Diaz, _always_ thinking of himself first.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve got me all figured out now.” Eddie delivered a kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth this time, as Buck settled against him a bit more. He couldn’t recall a time in any relationship where he had ever been taken care of, aside from sexually. It had always been his pattern of behavior, never staying with anyone long enough or letting them in on this level. He had never really wanted _this_ , had never considered the ways in which being cared for so wholly could be intimate in an entirely different way. Buck had never imagined being so connected to another person like he had become with Eddie. And he wondered how he’d gotten by for so long without it.

Buck’s thumb moved mindlessly against Eddie’s kneecap, trying to force his eyes open and look at the television, although he had no idea what had been playing in the background for the last forty-five minutes. 

“You should sleep,” Eddie whispered, letting his head fall back against the couch.

“Mmmmh,” Buck murmured a wordless argument, his body beginning to give in to the warmth surrounding him. Eddie carefully tucked a throw blanket around him, his fingers continuing their gentle movement at Buck’s scalp, the warmth of the moment settling into Buck’s chest. 

Eddie chuckled again, placing a final kiss at Buck’s temple. “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

___________________________________________________

After napping on Eddie’s couch, Buck felt relatively well-rested, appreciative that he’d had the time to recollect himself. Buck slotted his fingers with Eddie’s, drawing strength from him as he had found himself doing more and more often over the past twenty-four hours. Maybe it was odd that Buck was having anxiety over dinner with people that he loved most, but he knew that his actions had scared them. If Buck was being honest, he was surprised that Maddie hadn’t shown up on Eddie’s doorstep, with the knowledge that Buck was there. 

He was most anxious about seeing Maddie. He knew of all people, she had the most reason to be upset with him. Even though Eddie said that it was _worry_ and nothing more, Buck thought of the way that his actions not only over the last couple of days, but the last couple of years have hurt her. Every time that Maddie had wanted to talk about Ava, every time that Maddie reached out to him, every time that Buck had pushed her further and further away, he had succeeded in hurting her as he built up his walls higher and higher. Through it all, she hadn’t stopped trying. She had still been there for him unconditionally, and he hoped that he hadn’t broken that with one final selfish action.

And Bobby, although he hadn’t known him for more than a handful of months, there was nobody else that could understand Buck’s grief and sorrow like him. He had lost not only a child, but his entire family, and he’d come out the other side and moved on with his life. Bobby was so happy and seemed to have a zeal for life. Buck only wished that he’d had the courage to confide in Bobby a little more completely when he’d first spoken of Ava.

Buck swallowed the lump in his throat as they stepped inside the bed and breakfast. This was his opportunity to fix all of those past shortcomings, his chance to confide in them and try to make things right. It just felt like so much pressure, learning to talk about Ava for the first time, and then that seemed like all he was doing anymore.

“Bobby? Maddie?” Eddie called once they were inside. 

Before Buck had the chance to continue to overthink, he heard his sister’s familiar voice. “Evan,” the concern in her tone was palpable.

Without hesitation Buck released Eddie’s hand and stepped forward, instantly wrapping Maddie in a hug, drawing her against him in a crushing hug. “Maddie,” he sighed deeply, “I’m _so_ sorry.” Eddie slipped out of the room unnoticed to join Bobby, the siblings embracing in the otherwise quiet room, getting lost in the comfort of each other.

“You scared me,” Maddie admitted as she stepped back, looking up at her brother with sad brown eyes that were brimming with tears. “Promise me you won’t ever do that again. You can’t.” _Not after we lost Ava_ , Buck heard the unspoken words, cringing for it. Buck could only imagine the fear that had coursed through her when Buck had gone radio-silent, especially on the anniversary of Ava’s death. With his blatant struggles over the last two years, how could she not be riddled with fear? 

“I _won’t_ ,” Buck told her arduously. “I was just trying to work through everything. I know the way I went about it was wrong, but I never meant to scare you. I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here, and miss work.” 

“I’m not worried about work, Evan. I’m worried about _you_.” Buck’s head bobbed slightly as he nodded, meeting Maddie’s concerned gaze.

“I know, and I promise I’ll explain everything, but I’m okay.” He placed a protective kiss on the top of her head, wishing that he could make the worry and stress fade away. The Buckley siblings walked towards the kitchen where Bobby and Eddie stood, beers in hand as they talked. “How do we get in on this action?”

Bobby laughed, opening the fridge and retrieving two more beers, handing them to Buck and Maddie. “How’s the ankle?” he asked, motioning towards his injured ankle.

Buck shrugged, “it’s alright.”

“Let’s go sit.” Bobby set the timer for the oven before he led the way to the dining table, followed by Eddie, Buck, and Maddie. 

Buck sat down in the chair, shifting as he stretched out his legs uncomfortably. He glanced around the table at three of the people in the world that meant the most to him, his thumb fiddling mindlessly with the label on the glass bottle. “I know I’ve _already_ apologized, but I’m sorry that I didn’t consider what I was doing, and what that would do to all of you.”

“We’re just glad you’re okay,” Bobby offered, looking at Buck with an encouraging smile. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Buck nodded his head, then looked in Maddie’s direction. “I was just trying to work through things on my own,” he admitted, “for so long I’ve been trying to push down all of these memories that have been haunting me. The day that Ava died I lost a big part of myself. Since I’ve come to Ferndale, I feel like I’ve been actually building something, some life and I—” Buck fidgeted in his seat, his heart hammering anxiously against his chest, “—I needed to figure out what that meant without Ava here. I needed to try to find some peace so I could move on. I felt like I needed to do that alone.”

Maddie’s voice was strained as she turned to Buck, “You’re not the only one that’s been trying to navigate life without her. I lost my niece that day, my Goddaughter, and in a lot of ways I felt like I lost you, too.” She set her hand gently on top of Buck’s, the weight of her hand heavy on Buck’s.

Buck placed his other hand on top of Maddie’s trapping her hand between his. “I know. I know you lost her, too. And if there is anyone else in the world who has felt the weight of her absence, it’s you. I’m sorry that in trying to deal with life without her, that I pushed you away in the process.”

“It’s okay, Buck, I forgive you,” Maddie promised, as Buck’s hand that was covering hers slipped away. “I know none of this has been easy, or _simple…_ ”

Buck felt a grounding hand on his knee, only then realizing that he’d been bouncing his leg anxiously. He glanced over at Eddie briefly with a thankful smile, stopping the rapid bounce. 

It was Bobby’s voice then, “Losing family—the death of a child—it’s not something that’s easy to navigate. When you talked about Ava before, I didn’t realize that was the kind of absence you were trying to make sense of.” Bobby paused, looking at Buck with more understanding than Buck felt he deserved. “When my family died, I spiraled out of control for a few years. You’re left with this hole at the core of who you are, and you try to ignore it because you know you can’t _fill_ it. What I’ve found is that even though you can’t fill the emptiness that her absence has left behind, you can fill all the spaces around it and that makes it a little bit easier.”

Buck swallowed, looking at Bobby with admiration. Buck wasn’t quite sure what to do with that look of understanding, with the lack of judgment that he found there. “Thanks, Bobby,” Buck managed, dabbing at his tears. “Since I moved here, you’ve been this really great constant in my life and I—” He paused, trying to push down the emotion that was threatening to swallow him. “I’m really thankful for that, for _you_.”

Buck thought of his father, thought of the way that he hadn’t answered a single call from Buck since Ava’s death. The one conversation that he’d had with him after Ava’s death had been on the day of her funeral, his dad made it clear where he laid the blame for Ava’s accident, and that was with Buck. The weight of that had nearly suffocated him because Buck already blamed himself for what happened. Although Bobby wasn’t his father, and despite the fact that he missed his own father’s presence in his life, Bobby had helped to repair something that had felt so utterly broken inside of him.

“My dad,” Buck hedged on, trying to learn from his past mistakes of pushing all of his hurt and his struggles down deep, “he blames me for Ava’s death.” As Buck said the words, tears slipped down his cheeks, stealing a cautious glance at Maddie who he’d never quite shared the truth with. “He told me that if I’d only been a better father-” Buck choked out, forcing his eyes from Maddie’s, his gaze dropping to the table in the same manner that his heart plummeted into his stomach at the turn of the conversation.

He felt a warm hand on his, Eddie’s hand, and just that quickly he felt himself falling apart, pieces of himself crumbling in the space that surrounded him. It was Maddie’s hand, resting on his forearm murmuring a comforting ‘it’s okay’. Then, Bobby walked around the table a strong hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently, offering him strength. All the pieces that had shattered around him, slowly being pieced together and locked into place by the _people_ that surrounded him, settling in the hollow space that surrounded Ava’s absence. “It’s not your fault, son.”

Buck took the next few moments, focusing on the simple task of breathing. He cleared his throat, clearly not used to being so vulnerable, so open and honest. “Thanks,” he managed. Buck’s eyes shifted to Eddie, his breathing finally returning to normal, the small gasps that had barely been able to work out of his lungs and past his lips forgotten.

“So it looks like this solo hike of yours was a success,” Maddie commented, “unless you factor in your ankle.” Buck felt an outright laugh burst past his lips then, never having felt more thankful for his sister than at that moment, for allowing him a change of subject.

Silence then, “The solo hike was an utter failure.” Buck’s eyes shifted to Eddie. “It was when I finally stopped trying to keep it all pushed down and tucked away so neatly, that Eddie broke through that wall and convinced me that maybe if I couldn’t figure it out alone, that I needed to try something else, like trusting the people around me.” Buck’s eyes remained on Eddie, settling on the warmth and concern in his dark eyes. “I learned that maybe pushing Ava from my life completely wasn’t helping me to move on, that it was actually the opposite. I can talk about her even though it hurts because the only thing that can hurt more than her not being in this world anymore is forgetting the joy that she brought to it.” 

Buck looked over at Maddie whose cheeks were wet with fallen tears. “You’ve talked about her?” She whispered, a hopeful tone to her voice. It wasn’t so much her words, but the hopeful break that shattered Buck. He knew that his reluctance to talk about Ava for the past couple of years had been hard for Maddie, but he’d been so caught up in his own grief that he hadn’t really taken the time to help Maddie through hers.

“I did,” Buck breathed out evenly, trying to keep his emotions in check, “and I want to talk about her more, until it feels normal. I really want to talk to you about her, Mads, because if there was anyone that loved that girl like crazy, it was her Aunt Maddie. I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready until now.” Buck watched her shoulders gently shake, walking over to where she sat and bending down to wrap her in an overbearing hug.

Buck’s eyes closed into the embrace, feeling like for the first time in years he was taking steps forward in life, instead of tumbling back into despair.

___________________________________________________

For the second time in the last week, Buck had spent his entire day up at his house. Only days before Bobby had spent the entire day with him, working on finalizing a list of things that needed to be completed before Buck would be able to move in. Though it was still unfinished, it was finally starting to look like someplace that Buck could live.

“Alright, alright,” Eddie said as he stepped into the house, carrying a large brown bag filled with takeout from Abuela’s, the sound of Christopher’s crutches echoing across the hardwood floors behind him. “We’ve got your besos, and actual food for the rest of us.”

Buck’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Eddie. “You didn’t eat any of them, did you?”

“What? Are you seriously going to accuse me of eating the besos that Abuela set aside for you this morning?” Eddie’s eyebrow raised as though challenging the thought before he chuckled. “I’m wounded.”

“Well you _did_ ,” Christopher said, his expression serious as he looked up at his dad with a slightly wrinkled nose.

“ _Eddie_ ,” Buck scolded. 

Eddie whipped his head to look at Christopher with a look of mock-surprise. “You’re turning against your dad now?”

“You said we shouldn’t lie,” The boy answered, causing both Eddie and Buck to laugh. Damn, if they didn’t fit perfectly into Buck’s life. 

“You’re right, I did say that, sport.”

“Anyway, I did save you _some_ ,” Eddie said with a dramatic roll of his eyes, setting the bag down on the counter.

“Did you seriously just desert all of us that are actually working on your house to socialize with your boyfriend?” Maddie teased as she stepped into the kitchen. 

Eddie grinned, clearly satisfied that Maddie was teasing Buck. 

Buck figured that Maddie would only be staying for a couple of days to make sure that he was doing alright, after he got back from the Lost Coast Trail. As it turned out, she’d made plans to stay for a few weeks. Buck had assured her that he was okay and she didn’t need to stay.

Maddie admitted that it wasn’t worry that made her stick around. She stayed because she had her brother back that she had missed for the last two years, and she wanted to get as much quality time with him as possible before she headed back home to LA.

“I was just making sure that there were at least a few besos left.”

“What… is a beso?” Maddie asked carefully as she stepped closer to Buck.

“My abuela makes them,” Eddie told her as he picked up the container with the pastries, “they’re Buck’s favorite.”

“Let me try one.”

“What? No, you can pick something else.”

“Evan Buckley, are you going to tell your sister who came all the way from LA that she can’t try your favorite treat?” Maddie pouted.

“Come on, Eddie already had some of them,” Buck whined, watching as Eddie opened up the container and offered it to Maddie.

“Dad says that we should share,” Chris piped in, helping to unload the various containers from the bag and setting them out on the table. “Plus, she can make you more.”

Maddie took a beso from the offered box, biting into it, and turning wide-eyed to Buck. “You weren’t going to let me have one of these? What kind of monster are you?”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Let’s get everything in the fridge since everyone else is in the other room painting. We wouldn’t want them to come out here and eat the rest of the besos.”

Buck felt the laughter in the room settle, a feeling of fondness for all of the people that were surrounding him. “Do I get to help?” Christopher asked as he moved over to Buck, wrapping his around him in a snug hug.

“Of course you do, Christopher,” Buck smiled down at him, gently ruffling his curls. “I heard you’re quite the painter,” he paused before finishing in a whisper, “I’m gonna need someone to fix your dad’s painting.”

“Hey!” Eddie laughed, coming up behind them as they made their way towards the bedrooms that were being painted, resting his chin on Buck’s shoulder. “My painting is just fine.” 

“Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.” Buck smiled, feeling Eddie’s arms settle around his waist.

Buck felt Eddie’s lips gently brush against his neck in a quick kiss before his arms fell away from Buck’s waist. “Alright, time for some painting, Chris.” 

There was a lot that Buck had learned over the last few months. Lessons in perseverance, love, friendship and most of all hope. He learned that if you let love in, at least just a little, that it had the ability to heal, to help you to build something real and meaningful.

He’d spent countless hours at this house, working side by side with Eddie and Bobby. Contractors had come and gone, installed cabinets and flooring, replacing the old with the new. As Buck looked around at the faces of the people who had helped him along the way, a smile danced across his lips. These special people in his life are what transformed this house into his home.

___________________________________________________

“You’re sure about this?” Bobby asked as they stood on the beach side by side, Bobby’s arms crossed loosely over his chest as he glanced over at Buck.

Buck hesitated for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

Bobby rested his hand on Buck’s shoulder, a proud smile on his face. “You’ve come a really long way since you showed up at my bed and breakfast.” 

“Yeah?” Buck shrugged his shoulders lightly, turning his head to look at where everyone had begun to settle. He missed coming to the beach for a family gathering, and his family had drastically changed from when it was just him, Maddie and Ava enjoying a day at the beach. Ava wasn’t there, and although there was an empty space that she’d left behind, he felt something else settle around it. Happiness, maybe, appreciation for the people that he did have in his life, for the found family that he’d built. Maddie, Bobby and Athena, Eddie and Christopher, even Hen and Chimney who he found himself spending more and more time with, helping his walls to slowly come down.

They all came to the beach at Buck’s invitation, to celebrate. An end of summer party.

This day would have filled Ava with pure joy, and the thought of it brought a small smile to Buck’s face. 

“Yeah,” Bobby assured him. “Though when you move out of the bed and breakfast next week, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all the extra food,” He teased.

“Well, the joke’s on you. I’ll still be over for breakfast,” Buck laughed, grabbing a drink from the cooler and holding one out to Bobby. 

“What time did you guys want to eat?” Eddie asked, joining them with Christopher and Isabel at his side. “Chris, Denny and Harry wanted to go for a swim, so we were going to take them in the water for a little bit.” Buck noticed the careful way that Eddie’s eyes slid over to him.

He had been cautiously supportive of Buck wanting to have the party at the beach. He had his concerns. He wanted Buck to move on, wanted him to embrace living his life but at the same time he knew just how much of a struggle it had been for Buck to get here in the first place. A place where he wasn’t hiding from the past and trying to live in the present. Eddie told him that he was afraid of him pushing _too hard_ , this being too much of a reminder of what he’d lost.

Buck had insisted.

“Hey, Buck,” Christopher started, making his way over to Buck and wrapping him in a hug.

“Hey there, buddy,” Buck smiled as he looked down at Christopher. Every time he saw this kid he had a smile on his face, and Buck found himself admiring him more and more each and each day. Most people hadn’t faced the adversity and challenges that he had, living with cerebral palsy, and the loss of his mother, and yet he didn’t complain about it. He put one foot in front of the other, and did what he had to do. He embraced life.

His perseverance was inspiring.

“Can you go swimming with us Buck?” Christopher asked hopefully, looking up at Buck.

“Christopher,” Eddie spoke just above a whisper, “we’ve talked about this buddy. Buck—”

“Buck would _love_ to go swimming with you,” Buck interrupted Eddie, flashing the boy a full smile. 

“Buck…” Eddie started, and Bobby stepped forward to lead Christopher away from them, allowing Buck and Eddie to talk. “Are you sure?”

Buck took a step closer to Eddie, moving a hand up to gently cup Eddie’s cheek. “I’m sure. I’m surrounded by all of the people that I care about the most. I’ve told you about my best days with Ava, at the beach,” he said as he paused thoughtfully, “and now I want to create my best days with you, with all of you.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Eddie said in awe, before he stepped closer to Buck, pressing a slow kiss against his lips.

“Eww, would you two get a room already?” Maddie teased, throwing a towel at them, laughing as she made her way over to where everyone else was gathering at the shoreline. She glanced over her shoulder, smiling at her brother, “are you coming, Evan?” 

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Buck said, joining them at the shore with Eddie’s hand in his.

Two years was a long time to be lost, drifting around at sea, just trying to stay afloat. Buck knew that no matter how hard he tried he would never be okay with losing Ava, but he had learned to accept life without her. He found that she had anchored him here, helping him to weather the roughest of storms. As Buck made his way to the ocean with Christopher’s hand in his, and Eddie by his side, he had finally made it to the eye of the storm; the calm, quiet center. Looking out at the expanse of blue and green in front of him, he realized that he was no longer buffeted by the pain of Ava’s death, but instead found strength in the gentle, joyful memories of her life, and the new loves that surrounded him.


End file.
